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[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie 152 points153 points154 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
People do change but only for themselves. If someone's not feeling it inside, no one can make them. This is why you have to leave if a person is not up to your standards or just not a good fit concerning personality or lifestyle.
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is why I get frustrated with church; when the (male) teachers go on about how a gentle and submissive spirit will bring a husband out of sinning. NOT!!! What will bring him out is HIM deciding to act right regardless of how submissive his wife is!!!!!
[–]daisies4dayzFDS Newbie 78 points79 points80 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Was with my ex for 6 years. He got a job offer in LA which was his dream city and he asked me to move out there with him.
When he got the offer he had no money to his name, basically just enough for the flight out there. So being the loving woman that I was, I ponied up first and last months rent on a place out there so he could start work not homeless. Quit my job and said goodbye to my friends and family and moved 3000 miles away a few weeks later and spent even more money buying furniture and household items so we weren’t sleeping and eating off of the floor.
Figured he would be more than happy to bear the financial burden for a couple months while I looked for a new job and take his turn being the provider.
Fuck was I wrong. He was cheap and selfish with his money. I struggled finding work and he just watched me financially and emotionally suffer. Still for some reason expected me to be pulling out my card to cover groceries and taxis and shit despite him being the only one earning money. For some reason. 🤷🏻♀️
2months in and he finally comes out with “I don’t see myself marrying you”. After 6 years of telling me he did.
Never the fuck again. This was 12 years ago, long before I had a FDS awakening. Selfish dudes are selfish. No amount of loving them and supporting them is going to make them see you for the gem you are. It just fuels their mindset that you are a fool that can be used (for money, sex, emotional labor, whatever they need). Your needs are always secondary.
Always prioritize yourselves ladies.
[–]betsybassetFDS Newbie 224 points225 points226 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
100%. Hard enough to change oneself, don't fool yourself you can change others.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]northxblue 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You can polish a turd but a turd it remains.
[–]Forest_FanaticFDS Newbie 225 points226 points227 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
This is spot on. I've also noticed that men seem to EXPECT those first five things as being pretty much mandatory for women to provide him with (bangmaid, madonna, chef, giver, therapist). That means even if you decide to do them, he still doesn't view you as being anything particularly special. Meanwhile, the bar for men is practically under the ground at this point.
Fun fact: stop doing the first one on the list because he's decided he doesn't care to 'act right' and, even if you still do the other four and more, he'll now declare that you don't love him and are therefore just roommates and he's free to see other people. Ask me how I know 🤦♀️
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 53 points54 points55 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Never ever date a man who hasn’t gone to therapy and worked on himself, and never date a man with no goals or aspirations.
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Ugh, and don’t beg a man to go and try therapy. If he wanted to, he would.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I finally had to cut off a female friend for invalidating my abusive living situation while she expected me to validate her relationship as healthy. Hes abusive and she claims he’s better when he’s in therapy. She constantly pushes him to go! She claims he has DID and splits off into teenager mode 🙄omg men don’t need DID to act this way. I told her based on his patterns of behavior that his is not going to change. Exactly(sorry for the vomit but it was too true.)
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Its true they often don’t change even when they go therapy. Often they will get a pickme therapist who will invalidate the woman and enable all the mans toxics behaviors.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
She claims his teenage boy mode is afraid of responsibility and he splits off and shuts off his empathy and she paints this sob story of him. He basically ghosts her and then says he wants to break up and he has to go to therapy because of her but never actually goes in the relationship. It’s a honey moon phase of him going, molding into what she wants, and then going back into the same abusive mode of avoiding responsibility, triangulating her and painting himself as the victim and slandering her and avoiding communication with her by disappearing for days. It’s a trauma bond cause she needs him for housing right now and has a disability. She kept talking about plans of leaving to a friends then she goes back to talking about improving him. She kept invalidating me; I don’t stick around for abuse. It takes some denial but I get there. I’m sad for her that she refused to leave denial and she constantly talks about how traumatized he is.
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Waaayy too many pickme therapists too! But they’re going to therapy based on the idea that he has a “disorder” 🙄I hate the disorder system. We are all traumatized, focus on healing and grieving thar trauma and unlearning unhealthy behaviors, and grow. That’s every adult’s personal responsibility. I hate the disorder system that says we are born this way. We aren’t born sick, but a lot of doctors as you said, are pick me’s; the family system and the mental health system are toxic in this patriarchal society, I’m really grateful my therapist is anti porn, pro woman. She doesn’t excuse male violence or porn as ok.
[–]ZurfluFDS Newbie 139 points140 points141 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Oh man. I haven't seen this as much lately for some reason, but remember when every pickme and kinkme on social media was posting about how they have a magic p-ssy that can make men bow to their every wish because of how much better it is than every other p-ssy? I swear it was like a trend to proclaim that 🤣
You could be the #1 most popular p*rn star in the world with the prettiest genitals ever seen and he'll still lock himself in the bathroom to jerk off to others if that's who he is 🤷♀️
[–]AnKeWaFDS Newbie 62 points63 points64 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh God I am so glad that trend is mostly over.
Who thought it was a good idea to basicay yell "Yeah so it's kinda your fault if you're abused because your labia are not aesthetic enough" out into the world, WTF
[–]europoor24FDS Newbie 44 points45 points46 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
truer words have never been spoken
[–]MinkieminkFDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There is no such thing as "potential". There is only the reality of who someone is right now. Thinking that anything you do will somehow magically cause a man to snap out of it, see the light or change his ways is a fools game. Just say no.
[–]JadzziaFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A-fucking-men! Sorry for the foul language loves, but I feel this in my very soul. He will only ever change if it is in HIS best interest; like behaving before marriage to lock you down and then promptly going back to his old ways; like love bombing through pregnancy and then leaving you alone with kiddo cause he needs a “break”, “works SoOo HaRd!”
Always look out for No.1 YOU! God knows they do.
[–]PenneyPenceFDS Newbie 38 points39 points40 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always logically understood this, but I struggled with the belief that he would choose to change if I was “good enough.” Don’t fall into this trap. Don’t beat yourself up for something that is not your responsibility or problem. Don’t tell yourself that he changed for the next person. It’s all a lie. There is nothing you could have done and no other person you could have been. You are good enough.
[–]queenagaveFDS Newbie 92 points93 points94 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I met a coworker yesterday and I asked him "if your wife says this bothers me, how many times does it take for you to change?" And he shrugged, laughed and said "depends what it is. If I want to change, 1 or 0 times. If I don't want to, she could tell me all day and I wouldn't do anything."
[–]greenbagmariaFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
And men wonder why women leave them
[–]RowbloksFDS Newbie 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
This might be controvertial, but I believe that leaving a man (for a long time) can also make him change.
People often don't realize how much something is worth unless they lose it, and I think that one of the biggest mistakes that women make is: they stay by his side and try to be supportive even when he's being terrible. Just to earn the title of a wife who riDes Or diEs with him.
The truth is that you gain NOTHING from being his ride or die. Except things like if he wanted to dump you today, he might think of your ride or die-ness and be a little bit emotional and dump you next month instead. Either way you're still getting dumped.
When they think that they just might lose you, that's when they start to shape up.
But I must admit that "shape up" is not necessarily forever. Many guys just shape up for some time, until they get comfortable again once they see that they can get away with it, because you trust him again. That's why you need to leave for a long time, and then leave again the second that he shows signs of being too comfortable.
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or you could just be with a man who respects you and treats you right the first time.
[–]alphasquishFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If he wants to, he will.
[–]i8twobugsThrowaway Account 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Can confirm. I stopped waiting. Edit.... no.... I stopped TRYING.
[–]16February2021FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For pikmeishas, how to find out he was LVM: After break up he will do all to improve himself, go to gym, get that new haircut, start looking into education or career change, eating better etc
These scrotes always make me go mad. Like seriously, you could have just been a better partner and then the relationship would have survived.
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[–]Big-Respond8481FDS Newbie 152 points153 points154 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Altowhovian93FDS Newbie 85 points86 points87 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]daisies4dayzFDS Newbie 78 points79 points80 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]betsybassetFDS Newbie 224 points225 points226 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]northxblue 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Forest_FanaticFDS Newbie 225 points226 points227 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 53 points54 points55 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie 22 points23 points24 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 13 points14 points15 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]onceuponaseaFDS Newbie 9 points10 points11 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Newwavesupport3657FDS Newbie 6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ZurfluFDS Newbie 139 points140 points141 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AnKeWaFDS Newbie 62 points63 points64 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]europoor24FDS Newbie 44 points45 points46 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]MinkieminkFDS Newbie 47 points48 points49 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]JadzziaFDS Newbie 36 points37 points38 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]PenneyPenceFDS Newbie 38 points39 points40 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]queenagaveFDS Newbie 92 points93 points94 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]greenbagmariaFDS Newbie 39 points40 points41 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RowbloksFDS Newbie 33 points34 points35 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]daisy_0720FDS Disciple 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]alphasquishFDS Newbie 10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]i8twobugsThrowaway Account 20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]16February2021FDS Newbie 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link