1st Girlfriend: Fucks a dude while I’m passed out a party. I forgive her. She does it again.

2nd Girlfriend: Has a secret foreverboner for her ex. Fucks him on a “break.” I find out by walking in on his shit everywhere. They’re married in the trailer park. He works at a used book store.

3rd Girlfriend. Psycho. There’s no words for this woman. Abusive and used the law to try to essentially destroy my life. Babytrapping. All that awful shit you think is just in stories.

4th Girlfriend. Emotional black hole. Needs someone to be her therapist. I put up boundaries. Bye bye relationship.

Ladies. YOU ARE FUCKING AWFUL. Why is it SO FUCKING HARD to meet a “good woman”