How to communicate when angry?

NothingIsEverEnough · 2021-07-30T18:23:42+00:00

Email only. No text, no calls.

Write the email in a text editor, wait four hours before you send it

NothingIsEverEnough · 2021-07-30T18:22:48+00:00

If you’re an asshole when you’re angry, don’t communicate

Next step is to learn to be angry without being an asshole. Those two don’t need to go hand in hand.

Third step, understand conflict can exist without triggering disabling emotions. (emotions that make it difficult to function)

After that you’ll be able to communicate just fine with anyone even when there is conflict.

A lot of the triggered emotions are deep seated and stem from our childhood. recognizing and unpacking that can be helpful in this process

hhhhunterrrr · 2021-07-30T19:24:32+00:00

It's kind of expensive but Our Family Wizard is an ok tool for parents that struggle with conflict. It's $100/yr and provides a ton of accountability for both parents, plus scheduling and expense tracking.

It's not always the most user friendly but it does minimize the superfluous bs for both parties. Also, neither party can alter the communication in any way. It's been a godsend during my custody battles (yeah, that's plural).

Mavik52 · 2021-07-30T19:23:52+00:00

Lots of good suggestions already. I would recommend reading up on Stoicism and Secular Buddhism. This will show you how to detach from emotionally charged situations and how to approach them as level headed as possible. My time invested in reading up on these areas has made significant impacts in every area of my life even outside of divorce and dealing with my ex.

danllo3 · 2021-07-30T18:59:58+00:00

Email: Limit your communication to two sentences, max. Type them in a text editor first before sending them in an email.

Be as objective, factual, and robotic as possible in your writing prose.

Text messages: Do not return text messages immediately after receiving them unless it's a certified life and death emergency.

Children: If your kids tell you something that pisses you off. Sleep on it and address it the next day with a clearer head. In the interim, go for a long walk to cool down and burn off steam.

Document Requests: only send what's asked. Nothing more and nothing less. Don't add any verbiage or dialogue to documents.

Remember, no one in the system gives a shit about you besides taking your money. You have to protect your self.

When your last child turns 18+, change your numbers and block her from all other forms of communication.

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2021-07-30T18:21:29+00:00

I got a therapist or 3 and a communications coach that has helped teach me how to manage important conversations.

sicrm · 2021-07-30T19:39:05+00:00

mediate and look up grey rock.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2021-08-01T06:45:47+00:00

BIFF.

Brief. Say as little as possible.
Informative. If it's not who/what/when/where/why and something specific she needs to be aware of in order to act on it, don't say it.
Friendly. If it's coming across as insulting, condescending or otherwise something a reasonable person could take offense at, leave it out or rephrase it until it isn't mean.
Firm. Leave no wiggle room or ways to weasel out of understanding it.

CoachBob19 · 2021-07-31T15:41:05+00:00

Don’t communicate unless it’s about and doesn’t the benefit of the kids. Arguing and anger are you losing a battle! Disempowering!! Stay above it, just business!

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-07-31T01:57:01+00:00

Here is a tip. She's probably secretly recording you to hand it over to the police to show "Abuse" so she can keep ur house and kids. I got accused of rape.

RECORD EVERYTHING. You've been warned.

email68 · 2021-07-31T02:42:45+00:00

I think some courts have an app for texting so it’s logged. Just limit your discussion to kids and money if you have to pay. Nothing else is on the table. You don’t just answer the phone when she calls. You only answer when you know why the call via text. For now, chill until it’s final.

25_years · 2021-07-31T14:30:49+00:00

I’m in the anger stage of my divorce

Well, honestly, you're ahead of the game if you already realize it's just a stage.

Bargaining and depression are no picnics.

But, can close your eyes for a moment, and picture yourself one or two years from now, feeling acceptance? What would that older version of yourself tell you to do now?

MartyMcFly7 · 2021-07-30T20:55:55+00:00

Side note: I read a great tip recently for people who have difficulty communicating (maybe for your next relationship):

When things start to get heated, take turns talking. When you speak, she has to repeat back what you said to your satisfaction, indicating that she has heard and understood you. Then you do likewise.

A big part of communication is just feeling understood and validated.

So if you can further identify the feelings behind the statement, you can validate them (i.e., "I hear you saying that you don't like it when I sleep with other women. It sounds like it makes you feel frustrated, hurt, angry, and jealous. Is that accurate?")

Even if you don't agree with what she's saying or feeling, showing that you've understood her and recognized her feelings will go a long way towards calming things down. (Though it does have its limits, lol.)

pegleg_legal · 2021-08-02T02:18:40+00:00

After writing an angry email or message, read it carefully, then promptly delete it.

Why are you angry?

Title	How to communicate when angry?
Author	DontShoot0808
Upvotes	16
Comments	31
Date	July 30, 2021 6:19 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/ouq2xo/how_to_communicate_when_angry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-to-communicate-when-angry.816364 https://theredarchive.com/post/816364

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