It's been 5 months since the split up, neither side has initiated the divorce. In the past months I was handling this fine, however in the past few weeks, I've been in a depressive hole, fuck I'm getting soft, and it the whole mood swing was really sudden. All I do is work and go to the gym, and have let everything else fall behind. I don't want to socialize and meet new women, I want sex but nothing else, when I start talking to a girl all the desire to communicate and even have sex is gone, I don't know why, I've never had issues like this before. So that one thing that's been a bit shit. A side effect of the marriage was that I lost connection to a lot of friends, and my close friends are either married or moved out of town, so yeah the combination of working from home and lack of friends has been tough, I don't particularly appreciate complaining, but this has taken a toll on me. Another thing that changed in the last few weeks is that my STBXW is on my mind almost constantly, given that this wasn't the case in the last few months, I wonder what provoked this, as I haven't spoken to her in the last 2-3 months at all. I was happily moving on somewhat, but I feel that I'm back at the beginning. The lack of motivation and discipline on my part is revolting, I hate myself for procrastinating all the small household tasks. I fucking can't stand myself because I know if she comes calling I will go back to her even though I know this would be the wrong decision, I have therapy booked for tomorrow, even though during the end of the marriage I went both alone and with my STBXW and wasn't impressed, as most of the things we talked about were some catchphrase bullshit and useless advice I can find on a mental health Instagram page. So yeah, my free time is spent scrolling on my phone aimlessly and most of the things I do in my day-to-day life I feel are pointless and aimless, like my on-screen time has gone from 1:30 hours a day to 6-7 hours. I can't play or watch the video games and tv shows we used to watch together.

So back to square one for me, I hope you guys are coping better than me, I know this has been ranty and incoherent, so please forgive me for this.