Am I crazy?

WartimeDad · 2023-12-14T13:12:23+00:00

You need a lawyer not validation from men. I don’t trust one iota of what you are saying here. This is just your version.

Fortunately, nothing matters ai I don’t need to believe you. The law is 50/50 of assets, including 401k and house. That’s it. It isn’t complicated. The complications come from emotions and refusal to accept that, and by not getting an attorney.

yes2matt · 2023-12-13T00:32:54+00:00

Same thing we would tell a male in this position. Get a lawyer consultation for cash. You do not need to move out/anywhere. You do not need to disclose the consultation. You do need to get the bull by the horns of the situation, make your plan, and work it.

As you're making your plan and working it, same thing I would say to a male. Do not be vindictive, spiteful, intentionally unkind. Do not waste money/assets/headache just to get yours. Keep the long view, you and this person are going to share at least the major events of kiddo's life, and it is better to be on good working terms.

I would second the recommendation for coparenting with a toxic ex was super helpful for me the head that shit off at the pass.

69manu · 2023-12-13T02:46:40+00:00

Assuming all is above board I’d agree half of 401K , house equity and temp support to get on your feet.

Kenuven · 2023-12-12T23:13:31+00:00

Get a lawyer

Ok-Grand-1882 · 2023-12-12T18:18:01+00:00

Get a lawyer and get what you're legally entitled to. Working and home all your married years is still working.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-12-12T17:30:33+00:00

I think you need r/divorce or r/divorce_women those are safe spaces for women.

jasoncb123 · 2023-12-12T17:28:04+00:00

You sure you aren’t a man? This all sounds strangely familiar to probably 90% of us here.

pk2at · 2023-12-12T17:24:27+00:00

As to what is fair in asset split its fairly obvious to me. Any assets earned by husband's income or his savings should belong to him with all the increase in value. Likewise with 401K too, there should be no penalty due to marriage.

The 50-50 split is a relic of history when women were working at home and the catholic church believed it should all be divided in half. Back then men could physically enforce a woman's obligation to the household during the marriage and courts would generally look the other way (unless it was serious abuse). This is no longer the case and stringent DV laws favoring women exist in all 50 states.

Sudden_Ad_4193 · 2023-12-12T17:15:45+00:00

If things are as OP stated and she isn’t in the wrong. It’s not unreasonable to ask for 50/50 custody of the kids and marital assets.

sak144 · 2023-12-12T17:01:51+00:00

a) I think you've found the wrong sub to be asking these questions, but we will try to help;

b) some details about your story don't really seem to add up. Are you also accepting the role that you played in the marriage ending and honest about what happened? Very, very rarely is it 100% one side's fault or the other.

c) Asset division should be very easy. It is the easiest part of a divorce. Add up all of your assets and all of your debts and split them down the middle. That is in all likelihood exactly how a court would partition them (though there are some exceptions).

He is offering you 50% of his 401k. Sounds fair.
He is offering you your car. Sounds fair, as long as it is comparable in value to his. I do not understand your comment about you just finding out it has payments. If it is your car, wouldn't you need to take out a lien against it?
If you have equity in your home, then yes, that should be split too. Either through a sale of the home, or a refinance.
Remember that you also get to own 50% of the debts. Not just 50% of the assets (as some wives conveniently seem to "overlook").

SelectionNo3078 · 2023-12-12T15:14:21+00:00

15 years with kids

You should get half of everything and spousal support for at least 5-7 years (1/3 to 1/2 length of marriage)

justme4556 · 2023-12-12T14:49:22+00:00

We are not getting the whole story. Why did you leave the marital home. I left mine but I used it as a bargaining chip. You asked for temp alimony that tells me you wanted it but don't want to come off as the bad guy. And he is giving you half of his 401K. Which is very generous. He gets the house but takes over the debt. Thats fair. You get the car but it has a payment again? That sentence seems odd. Did you get a loan against the car. If yes was over spending part of the reason you had to get a job? Lastly learning to be on your own is tough. Most people gotta learn to do it by the time they're 18. Most men are thrown to the wolves and some make it and some don't. It's time to make the adjustment and support yourself even if that includes cutting spending. Whether he cheated or not it doesn't matter. It's a civil case.

ColSolTigh · 2023-12-12T14:18:04+00:00

A period of adjustment on the way to becoming an adult who works and supports herself would be fair. Perhaps a year or two.

Frankly, it sounds like there is a lot more to this story than you let on. It is unusual for children to fade out of contact with their mother, and when it does happen, there is typically a clear reason. Also, you mention equity in a house, as well as the fact you now live in a rental. So, you chose to move out of the marital home, correct? Did you make that choice perhaps because you weren’t haaaaaaaaappy?

iSurvivedltd · 2023-12-12T14:11:15+00:00

Shouldn’t this post be in relationship advice?

SkeptiCynical · 2023-12-12T14:05:15+00:00

Gentlemen I'm not going to delete this post and I'm not going to lock it until it becomes necessary. Be respectful and keep your responses within the rules of the sub.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-12-12T13:54:54+00:00

“My new rental”.

So you moved out and realized you can’t make it on your own.

Title	Am I crazy?
Author	Secure-Bid7466
Upvotes	0
Comments	50
Date	December 12, 2023 1:36 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/18gm0ut/am_i_crazy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/am-i-crazy.1240575 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240575

Comments