Last week I posted I had discovered my wife’s been having an affair. Thought I’d give you an update.
I confronted her the next morning and she came clean. I got snippets of information however I took her phone. I pretended to be her and engaged the other guy over messages and learnt a lot more. She knew the game was up and has since told me everything. I was shocked to learn the affair has been going on for the past 9 years. She said it was a cycle where it stopped and started over the years.
Later that evening, I confronted the other guy by turning up at his home. He is also married and with children. He has paid me 15k not to tell his wife. I live in a small town and for the sake of my children, I don’t want my wife’s name out as it will be the talk of the town.
If his wife found out she would tell her family and friends and word would get out. I have to protect my children and don’t want them to be exposed to conversations or comments made about their mum as this will ruin them. They are priority.
My mum will also be distraught if she found out as she adores my wife. My mum also has a cardiovascular issues and this would tip her over the edge.

In terms of the marriage; I want to walk away however I feel obligated to try and make it work purely for my children. Me not being in the family home and them being shared across two homes would have a huge emotional impact on them.

I had two children during this time so completed a paternity test. Thankfully they both mine.

I have set myself some time and see if I can heal. I’m not a man who makes rash decisions and will reflect and be absolutely sure what I want. If I don’t heal, I will not hesitate to walk away. She has agreed to me taking a 70% share of our assets and said she will not contest this.

My wife has been an emotional wreck since the discovery and I worry she will crack mentally. I need her strong for our children. She has nobody to talk to. She had a friend who knew about the affair however I have shut down this friendship. I learnt the friend was also cheating on her husband and both would talk about this to each other.
The wife is saying and doing all the right things however the only question I ask is ‘is she doing this because she is backed into a corner or is she genuinely fighting for me to remain’. We have had open, honest and frank discussions and I have not held back. My words are raw and I can see how she hurts in her reaction. We will be starting couples therapy soon.

Whilst my wife is to blame for pursuing this, I still want revenge on the other guy. I don’t want to out him to his wife as I’ve explained but just want to add some misery to his happy life. Nothing serious, just a bit of fun. Any suggestions? Any general advice will also be appreciated as I’m sure many of you will have been in a similar situation.