Wife’s Having An Affair.

Ill-Routine7242 · 2026-05-24T02:01:45+00:00

If men did what they were supposed to do women wouldn’t cheat

Big_Action2476 · 2026-05-21T06:35:23+00:00

That is brutal. I have suspected my wife is cheating on me but I don’t know for sure yet. I am sorry that has happened to you. Just remember nobody ever deserves to be cheated on. You can get through this

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2026-05-19T17:14:31+00:00

You have likely just found the most recent. When I pulled the skeleton out of the closet a whole bunch fell out. Just brace yourself that this may just be the tip of the iceberg.

BilbosRing77 · 2026-05-19T11:57:28+00:00

If you are in a no fault state you should get your shit together and divorce her so fast her head spins. No reason to get it perfect, when speed is more important. She doesn’t love or respect you. Get out before it gets even deeper. Be strong, put steel in your heart, and do what needs to be done.

Also: sorry my friend, nobody can cut deeper than your wife. Stay strong

No-Sink-9601 · 2026-05-19T03:16:12+00:00

Dude, read some of my first posts from 2-3 years ago. Our stories seem very similar. I discovered my wife’s affairs and started doing some detective work. I uncovered 4 affairs over the course of 6 years. Also we’d been together for over 20 years and have three kids. Do yourself a favor and plan your exit. You will become half the man you were if you haven’t already. I became a shell of myself and was such a mental mess.
I stayed with her for over four years knowing that she was a cheating piece of shit.
Do yourself a favor and plan your exit. Keep gathering information on what she’s doing and be the best dad for your kids. Also read “No More Mr. Nice Guy”.
You will never get over this and she already made the choice for you to destroy your family. You need to look after you and your kids.
Feel free to hit me up directly but know that your relationship is over and it’s due to her.
I wish you the best.

Highlander0001 · 2026-05-19T00:49:34+00:00

Updateme

VVeeky · 2026-05-18T17:48:41+00:00

My biggest regret was exposing it immediately. Plan accordingly, get a attorney and have all your ducks in a row. Don't get too heated, just say youre feeling under the weather, or thinking about your long gone granny.

Gullible-Cat-4361 · 2026-05-18T14:03:31+00:00

Updateme

Putrid-Detail-2933 · 2026-05-18T12:52:41+00:00

First off, sorry to hear that. No one here wants someone else to suffer or go through what you are.

Second, document everything. Not sure how you found out but you need to make sure you have evidence if there's even a chance you proceed with the divorce process. Not sure where what state you're in but there can be penalties for adultery (you should look this up).

balleditmoreravens · 2026-05-18T12:37:32+00:00

For sure chill right now and gather your thoughts. Me personally, I’d never take back a cheating woman. Once another guys puts his mouth and hands on you I don’t want it anymore.

Then-Alps8928 · 2026-05-18T11:30:11+00:00

Can't emphasize getting your finances in order. Take your time. Your in a better spot than most guys who get blind sided. You will be fine. Might take awhile, but you will come out if this.

No-Profit-1027 · 2026-05-18T05:24:06+00:00

Most of us have been through our own personal experiences and the advice you get here will be geared towards acting immediately.
However I am of the opinion that you take a step back, gather your emotions and be methodical. Firstly secure your finances. I cannot overemphasize this. It could take 3 months, 6 months or even a year. Make sure you stack the finances in your favor.
Home equity line, giving your brother a ‘loan’. Repaying money you ‘owed’ to your momma. ‘Losing’ some money in Vegas or a casino. Bottom line is put cash away because you will need it. Women can be ruthless in divorce.
Again do not rush anything. You can meet with an attorney but don’t let them talk you into filing any paperwork yet. Control the timing of everything when you are solid financially. If you are the sole breadwinner, cut down your hours significantly. Your last few months of W2 income will play a pivotal role towards your long term financial responsibility towards her. If she is a stay at home mom, encourage her to find a job or income producing endeavor. If you are self employed, ‘hire’ new workers and ‘pay’ them into a separate account.
Play the long game. This is not the time to get emotional or angry that she is cheating. Now is about your survival.
I repeat, play the long game. You don’t have to make the mistakes some of us have made. Good luck.

probebeta · 2026-05-18T03:27:31+00:00

Quietly plan your exit.

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2026-05-17T23:37:26+00:00

IF YOUR GIRL/WIFE HAS AN AFFAIR, JUST KNOW YOUR WIFE/GF STARTED IT Cut the nonsense.

If you ever discover that your wife is having an affair, don’t waste your time trying to nake it work. Your girl gave him the signal. Your girl opened the door. She made herself available. Understand this clearly: most of the time, it’s the woman who initiates these affairs. She makes it obvious without saying it out loud. She knows exactly what she’s doing.

Signs she’s baiting another man? She’ll dress up skimpy when he’s around. She’ll laugh too loud at his weak jokes. She’ll sit with her legs wide open, making herself a walking invitation.

A cheating girl is not confused. She’s not “trapped.” She’s calculated. She’ll lie to you at home, then suck and fuvk another man with no hesitation. And once she’s done it, she’ll do it again. Because a woman who can betray once has already killed her loyalty.

And you, as a man, need to stop negotiating with betrayal. Don’t beg her. Don’t investigate who made the first move. Don’t fight for a woman who has already chosen another man behind your back.

If she cheats, send her packing. End of story.

Because the truth is simple: if another man is sleeping with your girl, it’s because she invited him in. And the only thing more humiliating than being cheated on… is staying with the woman who did it. Do not tolerate betrayal. Put all accountability where it belongs — on her. Then, walk away with your pride intact. Never accept betrayal. EVER!

Get rid of her NOW. The hurt will go away, trust me. You need to start healing. Re-invent yourself. Join a gym, start a new hobby, play pickle ball, most of all...HEAL.

You need to get over this because your true love is out there waiting to meet you. That will never happen when you are sad, lonely, and depressed. The longer you take to heal, the longer you will keep her waiting! Dont do that to her.

eratosthenes777 · 2026-05-17T20:32:06+00:00

What's the income situation. 50/50 or do you make alot more? Alimony can hit you. Also if divorce judge will order kids stay in same school district so look at place on district. I divorce November I bought a house I didn't want (fixer upper) but I'm a master electrician and can do other things as well have friends in other trades. She went with a lot value house money because recently flipped. I have more money to spend with our son so he actually likes to be here (think about quality time but quality time usually = more money) Most likely every to be sold spare 50/50

Sometimes it's cheaper to keep her until kids grown. It's uphill for men.

I got lucky we both agreed not to touch each other retirements and since less than 5k pay difference a year no child support.

Don't leave house until necessary bc she can say you abandoned your kids get more out of you. I just say up a pc area by my TV slept on couch and played on pc when she was home.

After all done I had my son since Wednesday taking him to her tonight at 9. 50/50 custody and visitation no child support. But also my attorney is a friend I grew up with. So he really cared and helped

Good luck do your research. It's a life changing event. Start putting all these factors in place write it on paper see if it's worth it or pretend until kids are grown. You are a man you can make a man cave and ignore her. Just be there for kids. Good luck!

oblivious_lost · 2026-05-17T17:12:02+00:00

Put a case on that man for enticing a married woman

CommonBubba · 2026-05-17T17:01:00+00:00

I upvoted many other comments, but I’m going to reiterate some thoughts.
Do not let her know that you know until you have court level evidence to prove it.
Document everything. Contact a lawyer. I really like the idea of doing consults with many different ones for several reasons. It allows you to get the best feel for who you can work with as well as blocking your cheating wife from using them.

Good luck, we’re here for you.

NaturalTemporary2355 · 2026-05-17T16:36:45+00:00

Get rid of her.

NC_Geezus · 2026-05-17T16:20:46+00:00

From my personal experience, I found out after about 15 years of marriage and was overwhelmed. We tried to reconcile and within 6 years she did it again and now we’re divorced.

Someone mentioned above that reconciliation rarely works and in my case that’s true. I wish I would’ve just ended it then. I would’ve been 43 and divorced instead of 55 and divorced. Oh well, I’m making the best of it now.

NilesGuy · 2026-05-17T16:18:29+00:00

OP consult an attorney…but to be honest he’ll tell you regardless of fault it will be 50/50 division of all assets . Depending on your incomes one might have to pay alimony (usually higher income). Hopefully, you can have 50/50 custody . To be frank , the trust is broken . Who knows how many times she’s cheated or been with other people. You can’t continue on like this . I know this is a complete shock and don’t want to break up the family. But that’s already happened by her actions. She threw it all away without remorse. I’d first work on yourself , seek counseling & when ready separate your accounts , file first and seek amicable settlement agreement. She’ll want to know why and if you tell her you know she’ll either deny it or blame you (which will drive you nuts). There’s no point going that route . Grey rock her & focus on your kids.

Legitimate_Slide2672 · 2026-05-17T14:41:18+00:00

Updateme!

AdAgitated8109 · 2026-05-17T13:24:27+00:00

If you don’t have proof, lay low and keep collecting evidence. If you have proof, start getting your shit together (lawyer, finances, etc). Look up 180/Greyrock.

redraven1160-2 · 2026-05-17T09:54:09+00:00

Updateme

Training_Pumpkin3650 · 2026-05-17T08:38:07+00:00

My x knew she was going to file for divorce and moved around her assets were in the process of uncovering it so if you can do it protect and move your assets with the help of a divorce lawyer.

henrysmyagent · 2026-05-17T06:33:00+00:00

Most men deeply regret trying to reconcile with a lying cheater.

No man has ever regretted divorcing an unfaithful wife.

She is not your wife anymore. She is not your friend anymore. All she is now is your opponent in an expensive lawsuit and custody battle

Plot your exit strategy with the best divorce attorney you can afford. Get yourself a shark who will aggressively defend your rights.

Nearby-Cut-5021 · 2026-05-17T06:23:59+00:00

Really really sorry about this bro. It’s especially hard when you’re together that long. I was with my ex for 20 years and married for 14, we spent our entire adult lives together. I know how you feel.

I hate to say this, but you’ve got to get out. It will only happen more, even if she ended it with this guy and tried to make things work, it will always be in the back of your mind and you will constantly be sleeping with one eye open. Don’t do that to yourself. Your kids deserve the best version of you that they can have, start pouring into yourself 100% now.

I obviously cannot tell you what to do, obviously it’s your life and do what makes you happy, but once something like this comes to light, the dynamics are unfortunately changed forever.

SouthParkTimmy · 2026-05-17T06:20:22+00:00

There is only one thing to do about this and it’s divorce. Why? Because as much as you may think you might get over this and repair it somehow, you NEVER will. The trust has been irreparably damaged and SHE destroyed the family.

She fucked up big time, not you.

QuoteDisastrous5224 · 2026-05-17T05:38:40+00:00

she's already gone...contact a lawyer . . . protect your money and your assets....fight for custody , expose her to family,friends etc and go to full scorched earth....don't forget that you have dignity and selfrespect !!!STAY STRONG !!!!!

o2thegizzo · 2026-05-17T04:27:57+00:00

How are you sure about her affair ?

funnyman6979 · 2026-05-17T03:37:46+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this, been here and it sucks. You have a large decision to make, trust is blown and like many are posting get things lined up now because she will turn fast here. Take time to process, stay strong for the kids, one day at a time. I couldn’t get around the first affair and should have not stayed because even though I tried I think my ex just figured what the hell he stayed or she herself never felt secure that I wasn’t going to just bolt eventually so let’s get pregnant by someone else. Good luck.

UrAristotle · 2026-05-17T03:06:23+00:00

Consult an attorney now. Maybe a couple of them. Not because you’re contemplating divorce, but because you need to know the legal circumstances in your unique jurisdiction. Standing orders that will go into effect. Any advice he can give you right now.
Stop having sex with her. Even if she’s having sex with just one other person, you have no idea who that person is having sex with. And it’s not like you can explain why you want to start wearing a condom.
The next few months will be tough. If you do head toward divorce, take things one step at a time.

ThrowForChristSakes · 2026-05-17T01:53:58+00:00

Good Luck, please keep us posted. Updateme

RyanGetty1 · 2026-05-17T00:18:24+00:00

Marriage is like mortgage, is designed by the state to keep you enslaved to one location and not be a constant wondering no use hobo. If it wasn't for marriage and kids, I'm sure you will do just fine living in your car, sex with random chicks, and drink every other day until your expiration date. It's the new age and marriage should be looked differently. Don't look at your wife as if she's YOURS, she is NOT. She is just your life partner "for the time being" and when she's board, she can end it without cause. So can you. We come into this life alone, and sadly, we most likely leave alone. Be happy with the time you have with her and go find someone that will make you happy as she once did. People change, and that's just the stage of life and journey.

A_Edwardson · 2026-05-16T23:31:16+00:00

1) She knows what she is doing is wrong, she still did it anyway. She knows how you will feel, she didn't care.

2) She is a potential DANGER. Don't ingest (eat or drink) anything she comes across. Halt all sexual interactions with her. She could get an S.T.D. Keep every other thing normal.

3) Collect evidence of her actions. A day when it is only both of you at home, sit her down and show her the evidences. Ask her if she still wants the marriage. Listen, don't argue. Put your emotions on hold. You might end up opening the marriage.

3.1) While asking her if she wants the marriage, ensure you stress that she should not factor in the kids, what people will think and financial security from you. What she really wants. Listen. Let her speak. Remember to keep your emotions in check.

3.2) If she wants to end it, work the details out amicably. Completely avoid it escalating to court.

4) In the event that you open the marriage, set clear rules and boundaries . No pregnancy S.T.D testing every three weeks are top of the list.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2026-05-16T22:47:47+00:00

I’m sorry!

If I could tell you anything it’s this:

The laws are written so the judge can interpret them almost any way he wants. Your divorce will be decided by whoever writes the narrative.

With kids involved, I STRONGLY RECOMMEND YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY AND DO NOT LET YOUR FEELINGS OR EMOTIONS FOR HER MANIPULATE THE CASE!

Decide you’re going to do this and DO NOT waiver. Hire the best possible attorney on Monday and DO NOT tip her off. This attorney will set things up so YOU can write the narrative. You can pretty much write the results yourself if you get ahead of this and stay disciplined.

If you’re still “undecided” and you want to use this process to get your wife back,… well you’re going to lose and lose bad.

We are men are starting out behind, and women have TONS OF WEAPONS they can use that guys can’t. For instance, women can imply things and cloud up the case without doing anything wrong. A woman can hide her address no questions asked by claiming she’s afraid of you. You won’t be able to fight that as they will give her the benefit of the doubt, and you will be seen as abusive. If you tried to pull this same move, you would get laughed at.

PLEASE take this seriously for your kids. Put the DIVORCE ahead of the relationship, and you’ll win!

Good luck man, for you and your kids sake. I’m sorry this happened. The minute she finds out you know, things will get real serious. Take advantage of this, call a lawyer and write the narrative! Especially if you can get proof before she knows.

SaaSWriters · 2026-05-16T22:45:41+00:00

Well, you seem to be alright with it. Assuming she wants to stay with you, consider an open relationship. Otherwise, the sooner you prepare for divorce, the better.

Also, you’re not close.

You just like the feeling you get.

EitherBedroom2341 · 2026-05-16T22:31:05+00:00

Don’t confront. Play dumb. See her true nature. Easier said than done. Talk to an attorney.

PotentialPhysics7586 · 2026-05-16T22:14:45+00:00

Exit strategy NOW. Fuck her.

My ex is banging my frieind.

HotCut100 · 2026-05-16T21:48:22+00:00

Don’t tell her, get a lawyer in secret, get all your evidence and paperwork ready to serve, do not leave the family home under any circumstances, get self protection methods ready like recording devices or a body camera should you need them to prevent false accusations. When your lawyer tells you everything is ready, file and push for everything that you can possibly hope for.

That doesn’t mean just go 50-50 and hope for the best. That’s just poor negotiation tactics. You have to knock her back on her heels, emotionally and legally speaking. If you hit her out of the blue with service and asks that will blow her mind as well as rapid timelines, your likelihood of getting things that are more equitable without a fight are greater. Look at it this way: if you ask for 50-50 asset split and 50-50 custody, if it gets contentious, what are you leaving yourself room to negotiate that will end up being fair for you? If you ask for 7030 custody in your favor and a 7030 asset split, you can negotiate back to 50-50 custody and maybe 5545 asset split and look like you’re being magnanimous. But all of this hinges on you keeping your cool, being logical and prepared. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but this is a long fight. It is not new, it’s just new to you.

She is not your friend, she’s not your partner. She’s the person that lied to you, betrayed you, and put your health at risk. She’s the person that willingly took steps to blow up a relationship, a household, and a family through her selfishness. Do not take on any alleged or other role that you may or may not have had right now. There’s plenty of time for introspection later. You have to go to war and fight for your kids and your future well-being.

And let me be clear, the good of the kids is not served by giving them to her or giving her things because “you love her“. The only way she gains respect back for you, which only pays off in the realm of the coparenting, is for you to be absolutely legally vicious. She needs to understand that she woke up a well trained and motivated guard dog, and she needs to respectfully back away from everything that you’ve built and the children that you must protect.

throwaway_coy4wttf79 · 2026-05-16T21:41:07+00:00

That's called a cake eater -- the worst kind. They don't cheat cause the bedroom is dead or the romance is gone, they just do it just for the thrill.

Someone doesn't become a cake eater overnight. Unless she's clinically a psychopath, most people go through a protracted loop of cheating, guilt, and rationalization, until they get to the point where they're comfortable being passionate with their partner and someone else at the same time. It's very likely she's been cheating for most of the marriage, if not most of her life.

Your choices are open marriage or divorce. If you choose the latter, see a lawyer first, quietly. There might be ways to separate assets before the divorce process starts that advantages you. There might be advantages you get from documenting her indefinitely in a fault state. All sorts of things. Take your time. Divorce can be financially devastating -- I lost about 75% of my net worth. And whatever you do, do not leave the house or kids until you got a "temporary" parenting plan in place. Whatever is temporary will become permanent.

Mindless_Road_2045 · 2026-05-16T21:30:22+00:00

As someone told me when mine was unfaithful. “You don’t lose your wife, you just lose your turn…”

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-05-16T21:06:44+00:00

It’s time for a divorce. Stop justifying staying with her by saying you’re doing it for the kids. They probably already know.

Talk to a lawyer, file without talking to her, and then explain that you don’t care for her reasoning. She will only blame it on you.

Cheaters have no morals.

I always told my ex wife… “if you’re going to cheat, just end it first because it’ll be easier”. She didn’t listen and I divorced her. Couldn’t be happier that some other schmuck is now dealing with her financial mess and terrible blowjobs.

Impressive-Hour-1523 · 2026-05-16T20:49:23+00:00

Sometimes I wish my wife would cheat then it would be an easy decision and her fault our lives get blown up.

Wis84682 · 2026-05-16T20:36:34+00:00

Get everything lined up and divorce. If you live in a At-Fault state, get evidence

RespectInevitable479 · 2026-05-16T20:27:47+00:00

If you respect yourself file if you don’t stay and let her cheat. Your choice.

warry0r · 2026-05-16T20:23:34+00:00

Get a girlfriend, lol

Fyfel · 2026-05-16T20:00:50+00:00

You deserve better man. I know you love her and there’s so much history and children involved, but you deserve to be with someone that wouldn’t do this to you. From someone speaking from experience, it’s best to rip the bandaid off quick.

As others have said, lawyer up in secret and let them have her served. If you don’t think you have enough assets to justify a lawyer or don’t wanna spend the money on one, write up your own papers and then have served her. Also know keep in mind a marriage is a partnership, but a divorce is a business transaction.

DopamineDebtCollectr · 2026-05-16T19:59:54+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. The best thing you can do right now, IMO, is read or listen to "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life." It'll let you see your situation, your feelings, and your wife more clearly. You're going to be thinking very irrationally right now and for a while. You might feel like the best thing you can do is pursue your wife to bring her back to you and keep your family together. We all do it. The book will help you see that we all do, and that it's the exact wrong thing to do. Your cheating wife will use your desire for her to manipulate and lie to you further. She will keep having the affair as long as she sees no consequences.

Read the book. Gather irrefutable evidence of the affair (you may need it in court later). When you choose to confront her, do not tell her what you know or how you know it. Ask her questions you already know the answers to so that you can see if she's lying to you (she will be). Be prepared for her to only ever admit what she thinks you know.

I'm several months into it. We separated for what I thought would be 2 weeks when she was neglecting me and our kids and I asked her to stay with her mom. I slowly started to suspect an affair. 7 months later, while we were in couples counseling that she had agreed to, I confirmed she was already having an online affair when I kicked her out and she went to meet the guy for the first time, and make it physical, the very day I kicked her out. For 7 months she told me she was ambivalent about our marriage and needed to stay at her mom's to work on her independence. During that time, she'd come over once or twice a week and we'd sit and talk on the couch for hours a time. I felt like we were getting along as friends better than we had in years. We had the best holidays as a family we've ever had (we have 2 kids). I truly thought we would regain a spark and break through her ambivalence. I came to figure out she was coming over for hours a time so she could charge her car from meeting up with the AP the night before every week. She was stringing me along for 7 months until I confronted her and filed for divorce when she wouldn't cut contact with the AP.

All of the advice I saw in the beginning said not to do the "pick me dance" but I did it anyways. I thought reading and learning how to be a better partner would make her want to come back. I thought doing and saying all of the right things would make her want to come back. I didn't realize that she checked out of our marriage years ago. She was 100% mentally and emotionally gone by the time she decided to start her affair, she just didn't tell me and I don't know when she ever would have. By the time they decided to have an affair, they've decided you are no longer their person, the other guy is.

Again, I'm sorry she did this to you. You deserve better. She sucks. Read the book.

whoopyboy69 · 2026-05-16T19:55:41+00:00

Don’t do anything, just carry on, set up yourself to leave, then leave. Dont fuck her again that’s gross

bizbunch · 2026-05-16T19:54:07+00:00

Hey man I was married 15 years with three kids. We had just moved to Boulder area ans was doing a 12 hr drive back to KCMO and I found the texts with visual proof. We weren't perfect but had done so much together. It absolutely destroyed me.

Feel free to DM me.

Im going to cut to the end here... consider if you would ever do something like what she is doing? Can you imagine knowingly doing something like this knowing it would hurt her and then lying to her hundreds of times a day about it by ommission etc... As you said everything seems normal. Can you imagine being able to act so normal and have sex like a loving husband with her after you had just been with someone. No of course not, you are not a despicable human lacking empathy.

I say this because my biggest mistake was trying to save the marriage or thinking I couod fix things. I spent years killing myself thinking there was a smidgen of hope.

In reality she was never who I thought she was and whatever life and family I thought we were building was never important to her.

You are wise not to tell her yet. I confronted her immediately and everything exploded.

Definitely get into therapy with someone who lists having experience in betrayal trauma or dealing with partners with personality type disorders. I had a well meaning therapist early on but all of their guidance was almost the opposite of what a counselor with actual experience would tell.you.

Do a consultant with several attorneys. Find one that will help you protect keeping the kids in your life and keep things moving if you fall apart. Another low after the affair, now my ex is constabtly trying to keep the kids from me and has to prove actually I was the bad guy.

I found running etc more helpful.than the gym. But lock into a basic care routine you can keep. Unfortunately this can break you and once she knows the jig is up she will likely try to break you.

Ive had a few friends who kind of surprised their partners and were able to move through divorce quickly because their ex was still in limmerence or young love with their affair partner. As much as it sucks I didnt and wish I would have. She would have given me full.custody then...

Unfortunately the decision to throw it all away was already made for you man It sucks, its not fair or right but its already done. She threw it all away for some strange dude.

I can tell you if you dont leave she wont ever respect you again anyway and even if she legit tries to get better its only a matter of time until something happens again. I tried for 3 years ans never got a full explanation or apology, meanwhile the stress ans trauma broke me completely.

Ive been in virtual and in person support groups for people who have been betrayed with both genders... its always the same from the cheaters. They all do the same shit and make the same excuses. Boring selfish assholes.

This should be obvious but the scale and scope she has been lying, you cant trust anything she says. Reasons. 100% guarantee she will blame you or.something about you. Maybe try to get you to be open etc. None of those things work if not started from trust and communication. Don't fall for it. Don't fall for anything she says.

I tried to stay for 3 years mostly for my kids and completely regret it.

Watch out for booze and weed if you partake. Particularly drinking wont help and will spiral.

You are going to need your wits about you Im afraid. Tylenol etc can help with emotional pain the days you are really struggling. Its not a solution or regular use but can take that edge off on darker days.

Just know you aren't alone and you absolutely dont deserve this. Hugs my man, Im so sorry. F Cheaters

dpi2024 · 2026-05-16T19:45:26+00:00

I am sorry you became a member of this shitty club... do not confront her, there is no point in that. She knows exactly what she is doing, what kind of choices she is making every day, what kind of lies she is telling you every day. Appealing to descency is futile. Pick me dance is futile as well. Have a consultation with an attorney without letting her know and do what the attorney says methodically step by step. Do not leave the marital home. Check for STDs (you say you are having active sexual life with her), do paternity tests on the kids since this one might be not her first rodeo.

Paterculus523 · 2026-05-16T19:45:17+00:00

I’m giving this alternative advice since your message doesn’t convey you are enraged and done with your situation. You have a couple options.

Gather evidence and prepare for divorce financially.
Go on living like you are and let her decide when she is done with the affair or with you.
If you are open minded and not the jealous type and still love your wife and life. Have an open honest discussion about it and consider making this a spicy part of your life. The poly/open marriage thing works for some.

Do not bottle up your anger and let it consume you. You will snap and hurt those you love and your children.

Work on yourself and get to be ok with whatever the outcome is. Be the best you for yourself and children.

Anxious-One-2365 · 2026-05-16T19:43:59+00:00

1) get a lawyer yesterday and follow their instructions accordingly. 2) document everything, including evidence 3) get your finances in order 4) do not tell her a word and let your lawyer deliver the papers and blindside her like she did with the affair. Good luck and fight for every last second for the time with the kids, your house and finances. DO NOT MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE!

Rportilla · 2026-05-16T19:37:55+00:00

don’t let her know anything and lawyer up brother

obiwanfatnobi · 2026-05-16T19:37:21+00:00

Find a lawyer and start planning an exit strategy who knows how she will react to you finding out.

lazy_history_major · 2026-05-16T19:34:05+00:00

I can’t tell you about what to do with kids but I was in your shoes over Christmas. I also don’t know what to do with custody or finances so I’ll focus on you. See a therapist please. I pushed it off but once I went it was a huge relief to feel seen and heard. I still journal now but do focus on yourself in this very complex process. The grief you feel is real and don’t be ashamed for it because it shows your capacity to love.

Also go to the gym it’s worth it.

Ps don’t get a tattoo right away either.

Title	Wife’s Having An Affair.
Author	Flimflamsyd
Upvotes	78
Comments	105
Date	May 16, 2026 7:27 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tf33x8/wifes_having_an_affair/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wifes-having-an-affair.1580532 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580532

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