Angry

CrazySanta7 · 2023-03-13T18:39:23+00:00

This is a textbook story for many of us. We marry a woman thinking this is for life. The marriage is great in the beginnings, but after the honeymoon phase, things decline. A couple of kids come out, which creates additional stress on the marriage. Sex declines or stops altogether. The woman, who works on emotion, starts to question her 'happiness' in the marriage (a marriage or a man should not be her happiness, btw). Certain flaws that did not bother her now do, which adds more fuel to the fire. She does not tell the man, nope....she keeps it all inside.

Her backup men at work or online start becoming real options. She goes out on 'girls trips' or 'girls nights out'. She no longer declines men's attention (Validation is currency for most women). Most guys on her 'friends' list are just there waiting to pounce. She starts talking to a guy, and guess what? She complains about her husband making it clear she's single (but not single) to him. She fantasizes about life without you and with this new guy. Some start fights with their husband on purpose, just hoping he will want divorce. They announce separation so they can 'think about things' or 'try and find happiness' or to 'find themselves' I love you, but am not in love with you is another common crock of s^%$). They usually keep things cordial with you as a plan D in case guys A, B, and C don't work out.

Eventually, the husband finds out and thinks, "Wow, she got into a quick relationship." Nope, it's been going on for a long time. Many men never find out and/or refuse to believe their wife would do such a thing. "There was no cheating by either of us" or "My wife would never do that" or "My wife does not have time to cheat."

It's enough to get you angry, that is for sure. I'm not a forgive and forget person, but try and do things to reduce it. Working out, hanging with friends, taking care of yourself. I blocked her on all social media and only communicated about kids. Our kids had an event the other day, and she came up and started convo. I told her i was not interested in talking and walked off. It's not anger any longer i just don't give a f%^% any longer. Being single is great. I golfed 18 holes friday and another 18 on sunday and no one was waiting to bitch about it at home. Humans are not meant for marriage IMO. Men want beauty, youth (within reason men), innocence, purity, low body count, a woman who does not show a$$ on social media, and unlimited sex with unlimited women. Women want provisioning, a man with social status, high earner, etc. 100% of women want the top 20% of guys.

Good luck, man. Take this as an opportunity to become a beast. Become so great that if she ever asks for you back, you smile and say F no. Thats the best 'karma' you can hope for.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2023-03-13T22:13:42+00:00

To the brothers here who think they may be getting to the point of divorce but not wanting it, allow me to inject a bit of advice:

Whatever you do, don't play the "pick me" dance. It is a game that is a literal no-win scenario. In the rare case it "works," it's very temporary and your relationship becomes "what grand gesture have you done for me lately?" and as soon as that becomes "not enough" in her mind, then she's gone and you've wasted all that time, effort and money. But most of the time it won't work and you'll end up feeling like a pathetic waste of a man.

Instead of playing "pick me," get to work on making yourself interesting again. Work out. Get a hobby and get your kids involved in it. Eat right. Treat everyone respectfully, including your wife. Draw boundaries around yourself, decide exactly what things you won't tolerate, and make good on consequences for those boundaries being violated. Those consequences should be directly related to the boundaries where possible and must not violate your wife's autonomy.

Doing this is a no-lose situation. If she is a good woman who is worth your while, it will often lead to her regaining respect and attraction for you -- things that she had for you before you were dating (you were an interesting person before her) -- and thus lead her to treat you better and salvage the marriage, in the which you win. But it can also often lead to you realizing just how big the problems in your marriage are, and for her to escalate as she can't walk all over you anymore -- in the which you are prepared to initiate divorce and rid yourself of a terrible woman, and in the process you've already started rediscovering yourself and making yourself interesting, and thus it is a win for you.

Take the no-lose option, not the no-win option.

capnjackstation · 2023-03-13T19:59:32+00:00

Super common story. They almost never leave without a soft place to land. Or is that a hard place to land? 🤔

potatotornado44 · 2023-03-13T20:14:35+00:00

You just gotta let it go brother.

It’s difficult, and takes time, but for your own sake you need to be at peace

Remember, whatever she does is no reflection on you.

Just make the kids your number one priority, and never let your anger possibly affect your relationship with them due to arguments with the ex or whoever this new asshole is.

She’s no longer the person you used to be married to, and she’s also not your problem anymore.

Barkaat · 2023-03-13T20:07:36+00:00

You should learn from this. Never marry again. As for her dont worry a cheater can never have a long lasting relationship. That relationship wont last long trust me

Normal-Subject-7405 · 2023-03-13T20:31:41+00:00

It's why Adultery should be classed a crime in my book. Buy a book "Leave a cheater, gain a life" it will help you a lot.

No_Key_6276 · 2023-03-13T18:39:35+00:00

As stated above, you have no control over anything she does and in reality it just doesn’t matter anymore. Let her do her, you being mad or angry isn’t going to affect her at all.

wisstinks4 · 2023-03-13T22:46:38+00:00

Let’s find the good in this story. Your rid of her and her lying cheating ways. You get to open a new chapter in your life where you can find a better honest woman. You get to focus on you and your children. Make the most of your dad time.

Let’s circle back to the damage and your response to it. Yes it sucks for you and your children to have to explain all these complicated fucked up relationships. However, you’re still a good guy in this because you didn’t do anything wrong. I would find a group of people you can talk to whether it’s family, friends, pastor, hunting buddies to discuss. Tell them hey I need some time to chew this over. Then sit down over beer and hash it out. Some days it feels like some people were put on earth to just screw men into the ground. Our legal system for divorce is broken.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-03-14T14:30:39+00:00

Revenge is pornography for the weak.

You're letting her rent space in your head, and you need to evict her. You cannot control her behavior, only your reaction to it. That's Stoicism 101. You can also use mindfulness meditation (Headspace or Calm app) to help you evict her from your head.

Rather than focus on her, invest one year into yourself for self-discovery, renovation and revitalization. Find things that you've always wanted to do, learn and experience and enjoy those things for a year. Develop your skills and knowledge in these things (rock climbing, playing a musical instrument, billiards, etc) and you'll find yourself making more time for them. If you do that well, you’ll have the foundation for a lifetime of happiness.

Then what you'll find is that after this investment in yourself, the women that come into your life won't be competing against other women for your attention. They'll be competing against things that really bring you joy and fulfillment. And it will take a truly exceptional woman to accomplish that.

Signs you are not finished with your post-divorce reconstruction:

You fear being alone.

You seek validation from a partner.

You’re still renting headspace to your ex.

When you no longer need to clutch onto a relationship, and you have your best self to offer, that’s how you know you’re ready. Don’t be surprised to find that you don’t have the time to date once you’ve started enjoying your new found freedom.

mrcofffeeee · 2023-03-13T18:26:29+00:00

Karma is true, but waiting for it to work might bring you more pain (what if your ex actually builds a successful relationship)

World is full of hardships and pain and people like your ex and mine make it more difficult but what I have learnt is to accept and just focus on yourself. Don't let anything that happens around you effect you in any way. That might bring you peace.

Its a lot tougher to do it compared to just saying but lets try.

TakeBackWhat · 2023-03-13T22:21:06+00:00

Find the proof of the affair starting earlier. Expose him. His job, church, car club, etc.

Act unbothered and ignorant in the interim.

Been there.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-03-14T14:57:45+00:00

Friend, I am so, so, so sorry. This happens all the time. That was the outcome in my 1st marriage so I know how you feel. Hang in there, time will eventually make some of this fade for you.

pleasureb4business · 2023-03-14T05:12:43+00:00

Next time this bitch plays me like that, im just choke the life outta her, and take the free ride like she did. Fuck this society.

stekir1 · 2023-03-13T20:54:35+00:00

Not sure if you are paying her alimony/maintenance. (Sounds like you might be, based on your post). But one way you could get back at her is In most states maintenance gets forfeit if she starts to live with another on a resident, continuing conjugal basis. So basically if she moves in with that dude, then that jeopardizes her right to receive and you stop paying maintenance.

sicrm · 2023-03-14T12:19:59+00:00

look up monkey branching.

The_Bearded_Cyclist · 2023-03-15T07:43:07+00:00

Mate this really sucks but use it to motivate you. Get in awesome shape, get on your grind, be the best dad possible and when you're ready find a younger hotter gf.

Really make your ex regret her life choices by being as awesome as possible.

Title	Angry
Author	FineTransition96
Upvotes	28
Comments	38
Date	March 13, 2023 5:57 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11qgknp/angry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/angry.1218157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1218157

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