She just does not know how to be happy

RippedOffFather · 2022-12-24T12:40:59+00:00

She probably suffers from depression, daddy issues, and a host of other problems. That’s what I was dealing with also.

When I met her, she was miserable about her job. She changed jobs to “what matches her degree because it’ll be better”, and immediately started complaining about that. She complained that I wouldn’t marry her. Got married and she was begging for a child. Got pregnant and she was miserable. Marriage “ended” once she got pregnant.

I blame myself because I saw warning signs that I let society convince me to overlook. That is why I need custody of my child. Eventually, she’s going to need someone/something to blame for why she isn’t happy. For now, my child makes her happy but as time goes on, she’s going to slip back into depression and need to blame someone for why she isn’t happy. If I’m not there who could it be?

Oh I’m sure she’s going to meet men, but they won’t last. They’ll probably drop her fast or vice versa.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-24T13:01:45+00:00

Women really achieve a lot in life. They get to try and fail at a lot of different things. They try different careers different hobbies try to be a housewife try to be a good mother and most of them fail at pretty much everything. They really enjoy a lot more freedom than man ever do. They get to do what they when they want. In the end they find out that still they are not happy and leave the marriage and still get rewarded by the courts. All of these things happen because of us men. We get screwed and they get to live different lives as they please

Aromatic_Boot3629 · 2022-12-24T13:01:35+00:00

Pretty standard stuff here. Women cannot be happy if things are not changing and moving forward. While men can bust their asses and be happy to sit back for years to enjoy the fruits of their labor, women always want bigger, better, faster, louder.

Take my ex wife. I took us from renting a nearly condemned home 100 ft from an active railroad track and next door to a literal meth lab in butt fuck midwest to a $1.5M custom dream home in the suburbs on the west coast over the course of 14 years by busting MY fucking ass. My hard work afforded her 2 dream cars, all the LV and Burberry she could want, all the expensive vacations and gifts, a small business so she could be her own boss. Then, after neglecting my physical and sexual needs for years, has a 10 month long affair with a juice head because he told her she was pretty....and she "wasn't happy."

After catching her red fucking handed (an amazing story for another time) I stupidly said I forgive her and let her stay in the house so we could work on our marriage. A week later I snapped to my senses, kicked her out of the house, and got the biggest blood thirsty shark female family law attorney I could find. This absolute beast of a cunt attorney cut my wife off at the knees financially, bullied my wife's budget attorney at every turn, and forced sale of everything. In the end my wife got 50/50 of all assets and debts with no alimony and not a penny from my retirement.

So what did she do? She blows things up with her boyfriend and fucking moves back to butt fuck midwest....with a fat stack of my cash.

Now here I am, renting a condo 1/8 of the size of my house, laying in bed with my dog and typing away on reddit. And I couldn't be happier.

My ex? I got a report from a mutual friend that she is miserable and was crying the other night about how she "fucked up and pissed everything away." She traded her expensive ass sports car in on a Toyota Cammy, and has reportedly pissed away a third of her cash in just a fee months. Now she's 43, twice divorced, with no job, living in a college town, and going out to the bars 5 nights a week.

Hope she's "happy" now. I have a stack of cash from selling everything, and still have a killer high paying job. I will rebuild easily. It's just a matter of waiting for the right time to buy a new house.

Looking forward to giving Tinder a try.....

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-12-24T12:43:08+00:00

The entire society is set up for women to do exactly what she is doing.

Feature, not a bug.

Why wouldn’t they take the advantage designed for them?

Small-University-875 · 2022-12-24T12:24:01+00:00

Sounds typical to me, my ex is the same way except the kids are like the only thing that makes her happy. She really has no hobbies or anything else. The way I looked at this was yeah she's tearing apart what my vision of my future would have been. "normal" family life. The way I'm looking at it now is that I get to be the best dad I can be, on my terms. I get to enjoy my hobbies on my terms, no more answering or be made to feel guilty for doing what I like to do, or spending money on said hobbies. Perspective makes a huge difference in this, and you can't make her problems yours anymore, or worry about her situation. It was her decision and yes you both live with that decision, but you can be happy and she'll continue her endless search for happiness because happiness comes from yourself, not from other things.

sicrm · 2022-12-24T13:19:35+00:00

these are 3 things that matter the most right now:

1) staying or becoming someone your kids can look up to.

2) saving as much money as possible. have fun with it. look for coupons, sales, and buy in bulk. if you don’t know how to cook, this is the time to learn.

3) develop new skills or brush up on old ones. getting a higher paid job now could just mean higher child support. but if you take your time developing, get a side/weekend job when you’re ready, then you can time getting a promotion or new job and have more control of where that money goes.

2ndChance_1stMistake · 2022-12-24T14:19:47+00:00

I see this frequently. Individuals who were raised in an environment of chaos or sustained change don't have the mental or emotional skills to manage a calm and stable environment. They only know how to navigate the chaos, so, they constantly seek change and upheaval because that's the environment in which they are comfortable.

As a result, the fulfilling condition of their lives is never "enough", it is only "more".

lmbghmn · 2022-12-24T17:41:04+00:00

Same, same. Married 14 years with 3 kids. Wife never had a job, but always complained that I didn’t make enough money. I’ve made over 6 figures for years but she doesn’t understand everyone in neighborhood with our mini-mansions has 2 salaries contributing. Never content, never happy with the moment. Always planning the next event or vacation so it could be posted on social media.

She ended up having an affair this year with the father of my kids’ best friends, the neighbor we have hung out with for past 6-7 years. One of my closest friends. Talk about trauma.

I don’t want this version of her. Lost, depressed, broken but convinced she is growing and making good decisions. But I don’t want what is coming either. We live in a dream house and I just put in a 100k pool that I got to enjoy for all of one summer. So sad for my kids. She doesn’t comprehend what is coming. But convinces it is better than being with me.

reddit_1999 · 2022-12-24T15:38:37+00:00

Man, this sounds so familiar. Probably also has a support system of friends that consists of nothing but divorced women, separated women, and women who are married but think their husbands are assholes. In other words, a group of cheerleaders shouting "You go, girl!"

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-12-24T21:41:25+00:00

So many common stories, including mine. But think of it this way: - you won by getting divorced. Imagine her pulling this nuclear bomb when you are 55 or 60! - they are still not going to be happy. Even divorced, with a stack of cash, they’ll post on fb how happy and strong they are but we all know it’s fake. Deep down, a woman can’t take responsibility for her actions and will never admit her fault in the destruction of the marriage. They’ll ride the cock train until they hit the wall and realize how miserable they are now. - you on the other hand are in your prime and it’s an amazing feeling to be free and take passengers on your cock train every week as you see fit.

Congrats, you’ve earned your freedom while she earned her misery.

BaldieGoose · 2022-12-24T14:00:20+00:00

Bro exact same here. My STBXW literally cannot just be content and happy and is always searching for the next thing she needs...

Engaged House Dogs Marriage Kid Second kid Cats

Oh and now suddenly everything is my fault and she needs to chase something else including other men!

Who knows what she'll decide she needs next.

dragonfly323 · 2022-12-24T15:21:22+00:00

Sounds like my ex. We were together for 18 years and she had 9 jobs during that time. Always got bored and had to get a new job even though they were usually a lateral move. We had to move so many times. Two years before our divorce she decided we needed to build a house even though the house we had was only 6 years old. We had to get a dog which I ended up taking care of and then a couple of years later she needed another dog and actually brought one home but she took it back. Constant change and chaos. All those jobs she left ended badly. Eventually after she ran out of things to blow up she decided to to blow up the marriage.

BosPatriot71 · 2022-12-24T15:47:06+00:00

A lifelong friend once observed about my STBX “She’s not happy unless she’s miserable.”

xjeeperx · 2022-12-24T13:44:16+00:00

Were we married to the same one? We struggled for years, I carried the financial burden on my back of her and her two kids whose fathers never paid a dime of child support. She went to school got a nursing degree, I’ve worked my way up in the same company for 10 years, we decided to have a child together in our new found financial stability and when everything should have been better than ever she pulls the pin on the grenade. Now moved her unemployed boyfriend in and my child support covers the mortgage and all utilities.

1Cobbler · 2022-12-25T00:44:51+00:00

You're not alone. Unfortunately, I think most women are built like this. Wait until you start looking at dating profiles. Every one of them is into hiking, travel, eating out, is single with kids. Gee, I wonder why they're single? What that profile says to me are the 2 worst traits a woman can have: Money and time sink. Yep, they turfed the 'old boring reliable guy' and are looking for adventure. I kind of think this is why the Muslim world suppresses women. I always thought it was just a control thing but I don't know anymore. Maybe they went through all this and just figured out it's what society needs. Cynical, I know.

One of my wife's mothers group friends got divorced, got an inheritance (no doubt half the dude's stuff as well) and just spent the last 10 years pretending to be too sick to work and blowing it all on trips and cars. Is she happy? Facebook would suggest no. Me and my wife used to laugh at her behavior, but I think all the anti-men sentiment out there on social media slowly seeps into their consciousness. Their man being financially savvy, becomes financial abuse. He's headstrong? No, he's controlling. He's logical and pragmatic? No, he's gaslighting you.

I'm personally done with them. Just focusing on myself and my kids now. If I could meet one who just wanted togetherness, Netflix and chill with the occasional night out and perhaps a trip away every few years then sign me up. She doesn't even have to be that attractive, just a 5 with employment, no mental health issues and enjoys my company. Unfortunately I don't they actually exist.

neonroli47 · 2022-12-24T14:43:37+00:00

Is it possible that this is due to sex? A lot of the 10+ year divorces of this type i think is due to sex. The wife doesn’t desire the husband anymore but has to keep things up in some way to make him happy. That creates an aversion towards intimacy and in the end their feelings are so depleted that running away seems easier.

Time-Cardiologist618 · 2022-12-24T15:00:08+00:00

Got to keep women at a distance. Best not to marry them

SaulBrewster · 2022-12-24T17:59:26+00:00

Wow, this my EXACT same story. I’m surprised how many replies are in the same boat here too. Is there a medical diagnosis I wonder. At times I’ve considered narcissism, bi-polar, manic. I’ve finally settled on a petri dish of all 3 dusted with a healthy sprinkling of hormones and crazy. The worst part is what someone said above, I don’t want to continue on the ride with her, but I don’t want the other side either. Well, I guess misery loves company. Stay strong man, you’re not alone.

WartimeDad · 2022-12-24T15:05:09+00:00

Such a familiar story. Merry Christmas brother.

CB33isGMC · 2022-12-24T15:35:21+00:00

We’re in the same gang with you bro. Merry Christmas!

playerknowmore · 2022-12-24T22:52:30+00:00

If a husband that provides her lifestyle and stability doesn't make her happy; wait until she sees what the women over thirty-five dating market look like.

They think that the dating market is the same as in their twenties, but there is a wall waiting for them. Broken men that can't commit, and players who are single for a reason. Few men will put up with the bullshit you did.

Go to YouTube and search Women Hitting the Wall. See all the beautiful women over thirty-five getting treated like leftovers. She might get lucky and find a man who is older and has no problem putting his foot in her ass, but odds are against her.

wisstinks4 · 2022-12-24T14:11:57+00:00

Contentment in women seems to be this elusive thing. A man could chase it to his grave and still come up empty. That is gut wrenching. I see some women who follow a faith based life seem satisfied with their position. Sorry to hear she blew up your lives. when your kids grow into adulthood you can tell them what a selfish bitch she was and they can watch her to prove it’s true.

I am curious if she ever went to a psych. For counseling to acknowledge her messed up head or friends and family let her know she is a selfish little child who never grew into a responsible woman.

TheBetrayedOne8846 · 2022-12-24T20:42:17+00:00

I feel for you, my wife of 34 years and 10 kids was exactly the same.

DocHolliday80 · 2022-12-25T19:06:01+00:00

That’s pretty much my story, with the difference we didn’t have kids because of her career. She never felt happy with anything, and last year she started screaming “I wanna liiiiive”now and then and that I wasn’t allowing it, and that only her parents treated her right and that her divorced friends were doing great. This year she asked for separation and divorce in March. On November we hadn’t filed yet and I almost had to force it. We have just signed, and are just waiting for confirmation from the courts. I don’t know if she has o has had an affair, I have been told so and I don’t know what to believe, but I don’t care. On Christmas Eve she called me crying because of issues with her parents, sisters,… these who were the only ones that treated her right. I felt sorry for her, and played psychologist like I had done during all the relationship, but kept distance and told her to get profesional help.

Asleep-Ad-7459 · 2022-12-26T01:38:57+00:00

Oh Gawd that is my ex to a tee, but she never cheated on me that I know of. It was exhausting.

thelooker99 · 2022-12-26T13:21:23+00:00

I’m curious why you do not have 50/50 custody. Your kids are full time in school. You work from home. Why give up custody. In Europe is 50/50 not the norm.

Title	She just does not know how to be happy
Author	FineTransition96
Upvotes	68
Comments	65
Date	December 24, 2022 11:52 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zu8cvs/she_just_does_not_know_how_to_be_happy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/she-just-does-not-know-how-to-be-happy.1213403 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213403

Comments