Any positive stories here?

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-01-02T00:12:32+00:00

I'm five years post-divorce with two kids now 16 and 12. I'm living my best life.

You don't divorce to stay best friends. You will do holidays and birthdays separately.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-01-02T01:23:16+00:00

Are you ready to do holidays together when she has a new boyfriend (or you have a girlfriend)? Being friends is overrated, IMO. Typically, one person wants to stay friends because they have a secret hope of getting back together. People may argue that 'it's for the kids', but trying to do things together gives those kids false hope (parents will get back together) as well. You can be friendly and cordial but rip the band aid so the kids can adjust. I let my kids pick out gifts for their mom for christmas/birthdays, and my ex-wife does the same for me. Just my opinion, and it might not fit your situation. Good luck.

Crazy-Championship-4 · 2023-01-02T03:13:56+00:00

The ideas you have in your mind right now is what some would call a “pipe dream” I divorced at the end of 2021, 2022 was filled with nothing but animosity, anger, disrespect. It got so bad she was arrested for assault.

I had the same pipe dreams you have right now. The best thing you can do is let all of that go, endure the pain, work out, see a therapist, be there for your children the best/most you can be, everything else will fall in line. Keep it about your child(ren) and yourself. The rest will fall in line. Cheers brother.

Key_Preference_4594 · 2023-01-02T07:46:01+00:00

Found what better? My ex wife left me and for 1-2 years I felt very sad about it and couldn’t sleep.

Fast forward 5 years now I couldn’t be happier. I spend money on what I want, my business has grown, I’m much richer, I look younger and dress more trendily, and I spend less money on items for her like $100k for a failed business or $50k for a watch or $20k holidays doing what I don’t want to do.

Mrdosxx · 2023-01-02T01:45:24+00:00

In in my 3rd week moving of moving out. No contact other than 1 day to semi discuss finances. I couldnt handle being her friend. Sorry man - no positive one yet. Grateful for roof, food, my family - that means alot more today.

Classic_Dill · 2023-01-02T19:11:48+00:00

You get a divorce and then want to be buddies? that's silly. I'm 2 years in and I'm doing just fine, i have dated and seem to still have game at 52, but i learned to be totally good all by myself as well. Please take this time to learn about you and how you got here, be a better person by research and reading.

Boundaries i set on my ex wife: (she cheated, a few times.)

She isn't allowed in my home,ever.
She can not contact me unless its about our kids.
She isn't allowed at my place of business.(she came up a few months back to talk, and i left her waiting for an hour, until she cried and left).

Buddy's, we are not!

Bipolar_investor · 2023-01-02T01:17:05+00:00

Divorce is divorce, friendship after divorce is a female fantasy. Most end up getting a divorce because they got kids, and don't need a man for anything else, to feel better about themselves suggest to be friends. Fuck that, sideways!

G1P32AKL91 · 2023-01-02T00:17:04+00:00

What's positive about doing things with an ex? yea some people do it others don't. it depends on the dynamic you have with your ex. my best advice is to move on. Understand and Accept that life will be shitty for a little while and you need to focus on yourself and get better.

gronk4198 · 2023-01-02T12:59:30+00:00

We don't communicate directly aside from dealing with kids (14 and 16) and holidays. She's turned my youngest daughter against me but my son thankfully understands her crazy. I'm 8 years post initial separation and my life is a million times better. I would like to see my kids more but the system is rigged against fathers so I'm just living my best life and biding my time until they're adults. So although I went through a very high conflict divorce over 5 years - I am immeasurably more happy now than with her. You can always make more money but you can't make more time. Good luck my dude

sorsonking · 2023-01-01T23:58:43+00:00

I am hopeful, but still very early in the divorce process. I have no plans of getting ugly with it but plenty of time for her and her lawer to change her tune. Then it might be difficult for me to want that.

polarshred · 2023-01-02T04:09:33+00:00

One of my best friend's parents have been divorced since he was a kid. They do holidays together and it's all good.

I expect this is the exception to the rule. For your mental health I suggest forgetting about this type of thinking. You gotta move on first.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-01-02T09:15:59+00:00

Why do you want to stay friends? Why are you divorcing? It seems like you want to keep her in your life for some reason but also you want to split. Make that's what you want otherwise you will regret splitting up

DetroiterInTX · 2023-01-02T18:58:52+00:00

When I told my ex to leave (happily she did move out) I noticed my stress and anxiety drop and the kids where much less stressed. I was slow to file as I was afraid of what all would happen. It isn’t easy but there is a new start on the other side. For me: happily married to an amazing woman and enjoying life

Snowbirdy · 2023-01-02T11:45:55+00:00

A decade after serving papers, we are in a place where we trade private text messages about something funny the kids did. But we aren’t friends. We don’t share anything about each others’ lives other than what has to do with the children. It’s almost like having a pleasant work colleague.

My life is so much better than when I was married to her. I am able to enjoy my friends, my career has reached a place she never would’ve allowed, I’m having so much more and better sex than when I was with her. She is also happier too, she found a guy who was much more her type she got married to. Which makes her easier to deal with.

thylacine2020 · 2023-01-02T23:10:07+00:00

I’ve moved on I still talk to her still have feelings for her we have 3 autistic kids one lives with me I rejoice when I have them all love their differences and arguments lol That’s the positive the other is o didn’t sell the home I figured that my children will need it as a buffer for them when I’m gone It’s theirs they will have many challenges in the future like jobs snd I’m sure they wouldn’t get a mortgage so I feel comfortable in the fact they can benefit. Yes some people would argue sell it take the money and run but I think it’s better there’s Also it cannot be sold by her or a future partner without the kids consent and it had to be all of them
I’m an older parent too so o can’t take it with me but I can leave a positive message to my kids

EmotionSix · 2023-01-02T12:20:22+00:00

8 months separated/in process of mediation and divorce. We did no-contact for the first 6 months, and more recently we have been doing family dinners together with our kid. It’s been difficult emotionally but the dinners have been positive especially for the kid.

dmiscell · 2023-01-02T21:57:31+00:00

Positive story ..

5 yrs Divorced woman here and not trying to crash the party but - for some reason - Reddit recommended this post/group. So, 🤞😅, in case this helps OP…

My ex husband and I divorced after a lot of back and forth and, ultimately, not in the best manner at first (shock final unilateral decision amidst mutual plans to reconcile, blah blah).

We don’t have any children together (though one of us does now) but do share a dog (obviously not the same thing but done by choice). But, fwiw, I think we have a decent to good relationship and something like a decent friendship. It hasn’t been easy and sometimes there were hurt feelings at random intervals on both sides. But, we communicate about friendly things sometimes, send job opportunities to each other, check in about former in-laws, current children and relationships. etc, when something comes up.

We are getting together to chat in a couple of hours bc the dog isn’t doing well and it brought up some practical issues and some deeper things that became emotional. And there was even some disagreement and lashing out on both sides from unhealed wounds. But, now, we both have gotten to a place of being able to think about why the other person might feel that way, and come to a better middle ground. Much simpler when it isn’t so deeply connected to individual and complex needs as in a marriage.

I have found (and when we discuss it - more easily now than when we were married - my ex husband says the same) that we are two people who were meant to be close friends, respect and care about each other but couldn’t meet the needs of a spouse for each other and probable shouldn’t have been married in the first place.

So, in my opinion, it’s definitely possible for it to be a positive thing.

vancityoriginals · 2023-01-02T23:12:59+00:00

My goal is to become one of these posts.

fishingforthought · 2023-01-05T19:40:27+00:00

I didn’t get away clean but I did get away.

Any positive stories here?

Comments

Boss

Title	Any positive stories here?
Author	Amazing_Explorer_718
Upvotes	4
Comments	30
Date	January 1, 2023 11:24 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/100wrkw/any_positive_stories_here/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/any-positive-stories-here.1147565 https://theredarchive.com/post/1147565