Anyone felt the same

dadplup · 2023-06-14T03:38:17+00:00

I've been there and it nearly kill me, I was so miserable that I tried to end it all, when she found out about it, she didn'tseem to care she threatened to use it to prove I was unstable, you can't fix things by yourself I tried and the result were ten years of unhappiness we were married for almost 19 .

When I saw that she didn't care I told myself never again

heartless_monk · 2023-06-13T23:15:03+00:00

Sometimes the “easy way out” is what’s best.

Some of us are killing ourselves attempting to fix, and remain in broken marriages.. I’d personally rather free the weight of a broken marriage from myself, and put all focus into my kids.

No_Application_2807 · 2023-06-14T03:23:27+00:00

I think sometimes the easy way out is to stay together.

Getting a divorce and realizing that is the correct step is the hard way.

At least for me.

1antinomy · 2023-06-14T07:24:24+00:00

Easy is good sometimes

Gattsama · 2023-06-14T01:46:58+00:00

"The easy way out" isn't always easy. Don't know your situation, but from my eX, that would be pure manipulation, trying to appeal to my ego and sense of honor. Divorce isn't easy, and it sometimes takes a lot of strength to see that this is not a healthy relationship and make the decision to terminate.

For me, the easier option was to stay, keep my head down, and just paddle along. Divorce was hard, I had to do a lot of self work, spend / lose huge amounts of money (but I can always make more money), and break my vows (which meant a lot to me, I consider myself a man of honor).

But I did 17 years as a couple and 12 years married. We were not healthy, I had zero faith we would get better, we were not romantically compatible, and we blocked each other from living our best lives.

Understand that I might be way off base here. But ni matter her motives that is shaming language, and not a healthy way to communicate.

mrk177 · 2023-06-14T01:55:42+00:00

I took the easy way out and she gave me a extremely fair divorce. A part of me wanted to fight her but it was all ego and I would’ve lost everything and probably damaged my kids in the process.

MightBusiness7231 · 2023-06-14T11:04:58+00:00

I fought for years to repair our marriage but she was never engaged. I thought it was avoidant behavior for her to tackle her own issues, but it wasn’t, she was just checked out.

You know your experience better than we do, but mine is that when a woman says “do you want to….?” What she’s really saying is “I’m a fucking coward and I want to….”

It doesn’t seem she wants to work on it. You can’t do it alone. Women are shitheads and she will want to be pardoned for not caring. You’re likely better off just confronting her and saying “look you don’t seem to want this…”

Chance_Refrigerator7 · 2023-06-14T13:31:36+00:00

Well, I'm not trying to be a bad person here, but you are responsible for your own happiness.

Putting that on your partner is like stabbing yourself and hoping she bleeds. In counter productive and toxic.

She is not responsible for your happiness. Only you can do that. That is codependent to put that on another person.

You need to take a look and wonder why your not happy.

What happens if you and her get divorced? You think that will make you "happy".

And what if it doesn't? You will still blame her or look at yourself then realize you made a mistake?

I think the problem is we expect our partners to fulfill us 100% and not take accountability for ourselves when things are not as we would like them.

If she wasn't happy, would that be your fault?

I think we people can be short sighted in believing that are partners have the job of making us "happy", when that is not the way it should be.

It is not our partners "job" to make us happy. Only we can do that and they share in that journey of ours.

Maybe see a counselor, take up a new hobby or do something you have always wanted too.

Only we can make ourselves happy and that will not change if you divorce.

Remember, marriage is a partnership and your still your own person. Putting that pressure on your spouse cause your unrealistic expectations that you can cause resentment for something they are not in control of. If you got married for the other person to make you happy or be responsible for your happiness, then you got married for the wrong reasons or a selfish reason. No one can live up to that much weight on their shoulders everyday. That is a very heavy burden to carry for someone, no one should be forced to do that for another even if they love them.

Take care and good luck

SuperConfused40 · 2023-06-14T14:14:02+00:00

I was there for the last 6 YEARS of my relationship. Try the counseling, individual, and couples. You need to actually want to change and understand. It's like quitting smoking, you will never quit (get better) if you don't actually want to.

If you don't truly understand why this relationship is failing, you are doomed to repeat your negative behaviors.

Ever-learning271 · 2023-06-15T00:58:28+00:00

Nothing gonna be easy about it…if it’s broken w/o a fix (and this does happen), then it’s best to Divorce and move-on; no amount of counseling will do, Love alone won’t fix it either….Both need to be working toward the same goal but that shred of doubt that lingers is enough to cause irreversible tremendous distrust and contempt. Good Luck❤️‍🩹

lifelesslump69 · 2023-06-13T22:40:08+00:00

I dont want to try anymore… but i have a spouse that insists all is good. And i say of course you do; you got everything you ever wanted….

I hate being in this position

SeminoleTom · 2023-06-14T00:38:41+00:00

This is a tough one. I’ve given everything I could. Neither one of us could do this any longer. We are just too different. It’s awful but sometimes you realize that there is no way this will ever be repaired. At this point I think it’s best we both move on. She filed; I think it’s time.

PadreDe22 · 2023-06-16T02:10:34+00:00

I tried, I genuinely did. But when I kept trying only to see my efforts were not acknowledged or reciprocated… I started drawing back. Then she solidified it by saying she hasn’t loved me in over a year and she was checked out. Try, counseling does help, or maybe gives you a different perspective as a couple. But once one person is checked out. It’s no reason for the other to be having false hope.

17throwaway-scorpio · 2023-06-19T07:07:16+00:00

Yup.

I never like giving up. So I fought and tried for years.

My marriage couldn't be salvaged. No amount of couples therapy was going to repair it.

We were both tired at that point.

Next month, my divorce is finalized. No regrets at all!

Title	Anyone felt the same
Author	Ok-Net9524
Upvotes	15
Comments	16
Date	June 13, 2023 10:27 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/148rfi0/anyone_felt_the_same/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-felt-the-same.1222395 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222395

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