Anyone going through this with young kids

BussinFatLoads · 2023-07-18T13:33:26+00:00

Yeah. Divorce sucks and is very traumatic for the kids involved. Worst part is sometimes you feel like you’re the only one thinking about the kids and it just breaks your heart that they’re going through this too.

Retying3043 · 2023-07-18T23:14:34+00:00

A common trap that men fall into is staying for the kids. In that scenario, the kids live in misery 100% of the time and seeing their father mistreated is a normal part of life for them. Do you want to continue living this way? Do you want your kids to be raised in this environment? Do you understand how financially screwed you will be if you wait until the kids are grown before you divorce?

FindingMyPrivates · 2023-07-18T14:14:11+00:00

When my wife and I first separated we told them. We got back together. A year later same thing and this time I wasn’t going to ask for us back. It really fucked with my kids. They were 3&5 now 4&6. It messes with them. They are happy but not happy at their moms. I can see they miss her at mine. Her place they live uncomfortable. Here they can’t take their toys to moms.

I finally pulled the trigger because we weren’t doing good intimately and we already were on thin ice together. She initiated, we slowly started, and then right as I had the Johnson out she says she doesn’t want to. I tried to give the benefit of the doubt but she doubled down on she just hasn’t wanted to. I said fine this is the end seriously. She then apologized but was mad that I already was starting to separate things. I asked if she want to try , if that is the reason she’s apologizing. She just said she wants to “think about”. I just well there’s nothing to think about.

6 months later and we finally got divorced last month. Good riddance. I’m at peace now. My kids are suffering though. Sucks man but fuck living like that.

Reflog1791 · 2023-07-18T19:11:10+00:00

From my own experience and reading thousands of posts and comments here, divorce with young children is easier and better in the long term, provided you have the time and space to give them a great life when they are with you. My kid is 6 now, I moved out when she was 2.5. She is a very happy well adjusted kid. She doesn’t remember mom and dad living together. We don’t fight.

Pick ups and drop offs at school/camp. One pickup and one drop off every weekend at the grocery store 5 mins down the road. We’ve done it so many times there is no drama. Her weird boyfriend accompanies her to every drop off. It doesn’t bother me at all, I don’t look at them and I definitely don’t give dirty looks or sly grins. I just pick up or drop off my daughter and bounce. It’s quite easy. I enjoy my time with my kid and I enjoy my time for myself.

My kid likes both houses. One has a bunch of pets, and one has a golf cart :)

xjeeperx · 2023-07-19T00:45:16+00:00

Mine is 2 and I’m a much more healthy and stable person now than I was before the divorce. I stayed stressed out and upset and in a constant state of fight or flight, and now I’m so much more relaxed and focused. I feel that I’m a much better parent to my child.

jimsmythee · 2023-07-18T15:47:16+00:00

My kids were 6 and 9 when I filed for divorce.

It took awhile, but eventually everything worked out. The kids are happy and well adjusted

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-07-18T18:07:12+00:00

Doing it with a 2 year old right now. Wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy.

Try counseling if you haven't yet.

Cute-sailorboyz · 2023-07-18T18:57:01+00:00

Leave mine only liked my deployment time like yours or similar

SPIRIT_SEEKER8 · 2023-07-19T01:22:48+00:00

Man I'm really sorry... Your kids need to see one stable parent and you can't be stable in an environment like that

Dense-Party4976 · 2023-07-19T03:33:14+00:00

I'm in a similar situation. Very toxic marriage, it's almost impossible for us to interact without a fight. A lot of deep resentment on my end, and a lot of anger from her at the perceived injustice that I might resent some of the things she's done. But, our kids are young. One is four, one is less than one. I worry about what divorce will do to them, but then I worry that growing up in the middle of constant hostility will be even worse. I'm trying to wait until next fall when my son starts kindergarten, as I've read kids are less disrupted by divorce around that age, but she's making it really hard to hang in there.

My advice is to judge whether your wife will be open to making any changes that might make it more tolerable (unfortunately that doesn't sound likely though) and judge whether your kids will be happier with two happier parents that are apart, based on how bad things are around the kids now.

tragicaddiction · 2023-07-19T20:04:17+00:00

it's worth trying other ways first

your kids need their dad and not having them in your life at minimum half the time makes it even lonelier not to mention the impact on the kids overall.

so at minimum some couples therapy with clear goals you want to do.. not a place to vent but for solutions.

sounds like she's pretty miserable too.

so you have to go away for work, that sucks for her, if it's more than a week then i get it.. but she has to remember too that if you get divorced, it will essentially be that for her every other week.

so you can maybe do some extra stuff before and after you come home, show appreciation for taking care of the kids, do extra chores etc give her a break.

young kids do put extra strain and i can tell you not doing everything you can is going to leave you in doubt if you do divorce that you did the right thing.

also if you haven't done it, read some good relationship books.. i wish i had read them long before shit started happening.

typical ones like the 5 love languages, 5 minute relationship repair etc are great ways to sort things out.. both of you should read them.

another good one is no more mr nice guy.

and you need to do things for yourself too.. maybe gym, maybe local sports team etc.. get out of the house and meet your friends for a beer too.

New_suite · 2023-07-18T15:43:58+00:00

May I ask what made you have kids with someone who has mood swings.

CrazySanta7 · 2023-07-18T17:52:50+00:00

Im divorced with kids. One seems more impacted than the other, but you never know. My parents' divorce did not impact me greatly, it was their sh%%% choice in partners after that did. Bad step moms/step dads/step diblings/half siblings. One reason im not getting married or co-habitating or dating single moms. .

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-07-18T21:29:43+00:00

My wife is sweet, respectful, and moods are in control....but she cheated on me. They're all crazy, just different types of crazy. I would take your crazy over mine any day. I can easily work with that, I could talk to her, get her to understand, put in the work and give her time to change. It comes down to what's more important to you, full time with kids or a being single and unburdened?

Knave7575 · 2023-07-18T22:26:31+00:00

My kids were 1 and 3.

I fought like a beast to get 50%, and I got it. To say it was worth would be an unimaginable understatement. I have such a good relationship with them now, almost certainly better than if I had remained married.

Divorce away, as long you get 50% you’ll be fine.

Either_Evidence_1986 · 2023-07-18T16:17:57+00:00

Going through this now with a 4 and 2 year old. We are in the very beggining stages of this separation that I do not want. Its devastating to me thinking about the children.

So far we are being amicable with the kids being at the forefront. I only hope it can continue that way. Your situation sounds like its going to be tough if your dealing someone mentally unstable.

The way I am currently looking at it is there are no winners in divorce when kids are involved.

Title	Anyone going through this with young kids
Author	LogicalAmoeba7116
Upvotes	10
Comments	28
Date	July 18, 2023 1:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/152ycss/anyone_going_through_this_with_young_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/anyone-going-through-this-with-young-kids.1225575 https://theredarchive.com/post/1225575

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