Better man coaching/learning

fishingforthought · 2022-10-25T13:50:56+00:00

To be comfortable you must accept who you are.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-10-25T15:19:02+00:00

Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It will help teach you that you have been living a gynocentric life. Once you recognize that weakness you'll be better equipped to live a life as a man.

AtomcKitty · 2022-10-25T14:52:51+00:00

That's awesome and taking accountability! Awareness precedes change. Like u/TipHeftyMan, I found the milder content of Red Pill more in my lane. My takeaways: start lifting NOW, eat better, become aware of the chatter your monkey-mind creates, and live below your means.

Check out r/marriedredpill (even though you're not anymore). The reading list in the community section was spot on. I cannot understate how much No More Mr Nice Guy helped me on my journey.

derelictherds · 2022-10-25T14:59:12+00:00

I am not interested in another relationship so I don’t want to have to rely on another relationship for a sense of self worth.

Relying on other people for a sense of self worth is never a good idea and if that's your idea of a relationship, then you're doing it wrong. Learning to be happy with yourself and keeping your own company is a smart move IMO.

TipHeftyMan · 2022-10-25T13:21:05+00:00

I found a trip through the online Red Pill community to be very insightful, finally deciding that i resonate most with the milder content.

Do you want to date or just focus on yourself?

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-25T14:34:11+00:00

The Unplugged Alpha by Richard Cooper. Short read.

ragingredditir · 2022-10-25T14:11:48+00:00

The iron council, which is part of order of man.

Look up order of man, listen to the podcast and decide if you want to join the iron council

Gattsama · 2022-10-25T18:31:58+00:00

I suggest looking up stoicism.

Darkfire66 · 2022-10-25T23:45:10+00:00

I started with extreme ownership by Jocko willink. It's about leadership specifically but at the same time a lot of the other stuff is applicable.

Therapy help me learn about setting appropriate boundaries for other people and recognize that most of my expectations my failed marriage were really reasonable and I was being treated poorly by someone who claimed I was a narcissist but was in fact actually the narcissist according to my care team.

I got a full workup done to make sure that I didn't have some kind of horrific personality that was causing all these problems to be completely well deserved but in retrospect I realize that allowing myself to be treated the way that I did was my fault and if I had set healthier boundaries it wouldn't have gotten as bad as it did.. I probably wouldn't have gotten married honestly.

There's a bunch of different books on philosophy and I'm trying to be the best man that I can to model strength honor integrity to my boys and live a better life in the process. I'm a lot more selfish but it's allowing me to provide more for the people around me when I'm not drowning all the time.

michaelrhodes1977 · 2022-10-25T13:59:45+00:00

I have a coaching program that I developed. I can send you some info if you're interested. I'm going through a Divorce and have worked pretty hard to get over it and grow from it. I took different classes, worked with coaches, therapists, etc and took all of that and put something together. I also have a podcast as well. Shoot me a message and I'll give you the info

EmotionSix · 2022-10-25T14:35:46+00:00

Weekly therapy

Darkfire66 · 2022-10-25T23:47:36+00:00

One of the best things that I've done in my life was getting into volunteering for the fire service. You find yourself around a lot of great human beings doing great things for their community and you're giving back in a real tangible way. Sometimes it's pretty dull drudgery where you are doing important but but decidedly unsexy things for the betterment of those around you.

And for every hundred pancakes and dozens of hours of sweat and effort you might get to kill a dragon here and there. There is a kinship and brotherhood of excellent men and women at the fire hall and being around them made me a better person.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-10-26T18:29:30+00:00

What helped me:

Reevaluate everything. The way you do the dishes, laundry and chores. Your hobbies. Your job. The way you approach things. How much of it is genuinely you and how much is just because that's how it had to be with your ex? And yeah, it's fine to have things that you do that are because of your ex -- but not so much to have things that you hate but you do anyway because of your ex. As you do this you'll start to regain your sense of self. I found ways to do dishes and laundry that were a lot less work for even better results than what my ex tried to enforce on me.
Think about things you were "forbidden" to do. That you'd get yelled at for spending money on, that you'd get blocked from spending time on, etc. If you can afford to and you really want to, do them. That exercise equipment? Outdoor sporting equipment? New computer or game system? Art supplies? Musical instrument? Cooking utensils? Whatever, man, just do it. Time to explore who you really are and what you actually like. Become an interesting person. I'm all in on the nerd/tech stuff and always have been, just that I have the freedom to actually do stuff with it now. That's probably not you, but you've probably got something that you've been itching to do forever but somehow couldn't before.
Work on your health. Seriously, dude. Your health is everything. Figure out a way to eat, move, meditate, whatever, doesn't really matter what exactly you do, but get healthy in a way that works for you. This includes both your physical and mental health, and also your spiritual health. Church? Mosque or synagogue or temple or whatever else? Core belief system and uplifting stuff unrelated to any kind of higher power? Whatever works for you but recognize that's an important part of taking care of yourself. This is something I had some struggle with because I'm keeping my same church and beliefs even though my ex-wife abused the hell out of me through the church.
Recognize there are things about yourself that you may not like. Yep, they're part of you. You don't have to change them. You have weaknesses. Be humble and accept that you have them. Figure out how to work around them -- or better, recognize the ways that your weakness is often actually your strength when used properly. I'm autistic but find that it's very much a strength -- and the downsides I have covered through my learning, effectively 'faking' charisma through intelligence and hyper-focus. Yeah it kind of breaks down around the edges, but everybody breaks down around the edges in different ways anyway.

mfolivas · 2022-10-25T23:59:10+00:00

Few things:

Join a gym today and start working out
Write down what you always wanted to do and your definition of success, then make a plan and follow through
Write down your principles and values - your philosophy
Change your mindset and perspective. I have seen many men going through the guilt trip and victim mentality. Stop bitching and start doing! Yes, this chapter of your life is over. How can you make it a better story?
Get into a community of men that you admire - CrossFit, jiujitsu, gym, running, paddleboard (I run an accountability group)
Figure out how you can be the best version of yourself - physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually
Get help from a MALE THERAPIST that has gone through the same

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-10-26T02:25:44+00:00

Cash flow is more easily, and quickly, improved by managing cash-out rather than cash-in. Keep working to improve income. But, you can immediately stop buying useless and needless shit.

Title	Better man coaching/learning
Author	softinvest
Upvotes	22
Comments	26
Date	October 25, 2022 1:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yd4j81/better_man_coachinglearning/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/better-man-coachinglearning.1136486 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136486

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