BPD violent spouse and divorce

Sea_Emu_4259 · 2024-06-10T08:45:01+00:00

textbook Domestic violence. If you are too passive & not have proof record of what she did to you, she could accused your of being the one violence because you are the man & man are supposed to be the violent....

Total control of finance? Stop being a p### especially fi you earn your own money. You are not without blames. You seem VERY anxious, & a personality that fits in very well in combination with an abusive one.
* Treat your anxiety
* Record everything around abuse (police record, email to friends /family member of everything she did)
* Take back your bank account like a man

bluewizard8877 · 2024-06-09T01:36:27+00:00

Borderlines will never go peacefully. It can and most likely will escalate. They can’t handle abandonment or rejection because they have no internal sense of identity. A borderline that won’t accept their diagnosis and actively take treatment seriously is a ticking timebomb. The only way to “control” a borderline is to become a bigger, badder, and stronger monster than they are. You don’t want to go that route. Even after that, it will only be temporary until they find someone else to latch onto.

greywindowsill · 2024-06-07T21:51:29+00:00

I thought my soon to be ex wife was borderline. But she turned out to be a complete sociopath or covert narcissist. And that was not what I came up with on my own, I talked with Ross Rosenberg and had him evaluate the situation. One of the leading experts in the US on narcissistic personality disorder.

If you think she has it and you are doubting yourself, you probably have been gaslit into a push/pull cycle that will never end.

Go through Rosenbergs stuff on YouTube, it can be a huge help. Then make a decision if this is something you are willing to live with the rest of your life.

And talk to a lawyers of course.

Liberated-Inebriated · 2024-06-07T21:40:50+00:00

I found this book useful: ‘Splitting: Protecting yourself while divorcing someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.’

47omek · 2024-06-07T20:14:26+00:00

She's only got control of your finances because you allow it. Open a new account in your name only, preferably at a different bank than you jointly use currently so she can't social engineer access to the new account. Set your paycheck direct deposit to that new account. Transfer half of your current checking/savings to that new account and leave her the other half. Voila, she no longer controls your finances.

captainchippsixx · 2024-06-07T17:24:56+00:00

See a lawyer. Spend money to control the situation and protect yourself. Do a consultation.

Credit card? get your check deposited in a new account. Sell something Running off the kid is a bad plan and you go to jail.

Call the cops when you have the circumstances! Don’t tell her you called the cops. This is your best play. She will be treated for DV if you can orove it.

Moms_Sketti88 · 2024-06-07T17:06:47+00:00

Same boat. I will message you. I’m in the process and it’s chaos. Only in the early phases.

Amber-13 · 2024-06-07T16:40:05+00:00

Plan- quietly, collect proof and evidence and PROTECT yourself and your son! FIRST AND FOREMOST- that’s Domestic abuse as financial is included to make it impossible and hard to leave. Look into the states laws and advice from legal. Grey rock and keep whatever one can minimal and quiet as possible. It’s going to be insanely hard once you officially file, and if this is the case id look into a restraining order for protection for you and the child, and they’ll want proof of threats etc. Depending on wiretapping laws, writing ideally and cameras like nanny ones or hidden so she doesn’t twist it onto you. I wish I did more research and knew more than I did before I had to leave, to set myself so much better- hope your not in a commonwealth state- make no logical sense to me.

alifeofpeace · 2024-06-07T14:47:04+00:00

Bro seriously set her up to lose her shit. Record it. Have the police ready. Get her arrested for battery and domestic violence. Take control

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-06-07T14:41:22+00:00

You can look up borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder on youtube, learn all about it. Sounds BPD to me, and you can find tricks and tips there to live with it, or survive it. There are several books on Divorcing the Narcissist or divorcing borderlines, these are your best hope to navigate this. Gathering evidence is crucial, keep doing that where possible. EVERY time she threatens YOU WITH A KNIFE, be sure to log and record that. I can tell you from long experience, she is NOT going to get any better, she's only going to get worse as she ages. With BPD, there is a SLIM hope she'll realize she has problems and may seek help, with narcs, there's no hope at all. You need to do something, you can't let your poor little boy be warped and twisted by this evil harpy, I guess consult these books and the youtube is all for now. If you learn gray rock method or something similar maybe you can achieve a slightly better quality of life.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-07T14:36:56+00:00

No offense but you aren't a mental health professional. Someone meeting the criteria for one thing doesn't mean they have it.

Decreased need for sleep Increased or faster speech Racing thoughts or quickly changing ideas Distractibility Increased activity Increased risky or impulsive behavior

Those are the criteria for someone who is in the manic phase of bipolar disorder. Pretty cut and dry way to diagnose someone, right? Unfortunately, those are also the same signs and symptoms of someone who's hair is on fire. It takes someone who actually has the proper training and education to rule whatever disorders out just as much as it is to check the boxes on a list you found on the internet. Sometimes assholes are just assholes.

Regardless, even if a person does have a mental illness, does it really matter? Going back to my previous example, is there any difference from someone who couldn't take it anymore and set your hair on fire and someone who set it on fire because they're a pyromaniac? Does it matter if someone set your hair on fire by pure accident even if they meant well? Your hair is on fire just the same. You need take action to put it out regardless of the intentions of the person who made you that way.

ghostiewm · 2024-06-07T14:25:44+00:00

There is a book called Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline Or Narcissistic Personality Disorder It's a deep dive into what you seek.

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-06-07T14:25:11+00:00

BPD can't really be treated with meds and as far as I know it doesn't come on after something like child birth. So maybe she does maybe she doesn't.

I only know this cuz I'm dealing with the same thing and that's what my therapist told me.

Either way sounds like you need to pack up and be gone before she gets home from work or something like that.

TerribleAmbassador69 · 2024-06-07T14:24:43+00:00

I understand your fears. They’re valid bc she’s batshit crazy. Tbh, she sounds way worse than mine, but here’s something I learned through my enslavement to my abuser. You can never apologize enough or take the blame enough to satisfy her. You will only give more of yourself away. You will get to the point of fantasizing about your own disappearance. Your kid will grow up with the trauma of two miserable parents; so, you’re not really protecting him. It won’t get better. It will get worse.

If you’ve only got the one toddler, get out sooner rather than later. It will be much more difficult as you have deeper roots.

I’m sorry, man.

jeosol · 2024-06-07T14:22:11+00:00

What country are you in? Could you possible get the kid to relatives to avoid danger to him as per your comments. Also, doing this before declaring your intentions. This is dicey and she may go crazy if no access to the kid.

Asked your country if there are some services you could call in to help with kid. If she is threatening self deletion, she may harm the kid to pain you. Be careful with the planning, and ensure the kid can be protected.

Title	BPD violent spouse and divorce
Author	Acidhouse2137
Upvotes	15
Comments	36
Date	June 7, 2024 1:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dab2mp/bpd_violent_spouse_and_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/bpd-violent-spouse-and-divorce.1520827 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520827

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