Breaking the bond

FunkyTownMascot · 2022-11-20T03:35:52+00:00

Any smart attorney will tell you to not say anything to her at all. At this point she isn't your wife. She's your legal adversary and, just like with the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

mercybull · 2022-11-20T04:41:29+00:00

Bro, give yourself some grace. Do what you can to accept the situation without diving into guilt, shame, self doubt. You are in the thick of it right now. You will have some shit days, followed by some slightly less shittier days. Then one day you will start having good days and start feeling like yourself again. This time you will have gained the wisdom to avoid the patterns and complexities that got you here. The sooner you come to the realization that there is no bad person or good person in this situation, just two people with their own issues that couldn't work on them together, the more peace you will have. Don't fall on the sword to prove to your soon to be ex that you are really a good person! She is not worried about that. She is worried about securing her lifestyle and getting everything she can. Fight for your interest and don't worry about how she will feel about you if you do. It does get so much better!

Striking-Trainer8148 · 2022-11-20T05:44:19+00:00

Enter a fake # into your phone, like 555-123-4567, and text that and let it know where you’re going.

It will help you break the habit.

derelictherds · 2022-11-20T17:27:43+00:00

Embrace the freedom of not having to tell anyone where you're going and what you're doing.

jms_mars_19 · 2022-11-20T13:01:43+00:00

I went through this, it’s an absolute habit. I know this feeling but you just make the decision, cut it off, I wasn’t cruel or uncaring, but a rapid, healthy separation, physically, emotionally, etc. etc. is not only recommended, it’s crucial for survival. I felt I would never get past the hurt and the pain but I did and you will… you absolutely must keep moving forward, it gets easier.

caliguy75 · 2022-11-20T17:52:15+00:00

For the legal side, follow your attorney's advice. Get into counseling for the emotions and trauma. For the children, pay the support $, set up a visitation schedule and stick to it.

The key thing is to get the tools to learn how to work yourself down. Go to the gym, work out to help you moderate your emotions and pain. Get into support groups, church groups, 12 step programs, any thing to help you establish support group.

Read, there is a ton of information available on your tube and support books. You are on a journey, its a process that may take time. All the best to you in your journey.

DatabaseSpace · 2022-11-20T20:27:41+00:00

If she really filed for divorce worrying about telling her where you are going will be the last thing you care about soon. If you make more than her she will start getting you for spousal support, the alimony pendente lite then actual alimony once the divorce is final in a year or two. You will need a lawyer, if you get one soon they can accept service on your behalf and respond to the divorce complaint. You need a lawyer to respond and to attempt to protect you.

SnooDoughnuts6501 · 2022-11-20T09:50:49+00:00

man up and realize she isn't your wife anymore

whatamoniker1 · 2022-11-20T03:49:19+00:00

I feel the same way, even guilty too

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-11-20T13:54:11+00:00

Think of it this way what would happen if you go back. Will things somehow be different will you feel different around her

HENKH4L · 2022-11-20T21:34:55+00:00

It makes sense that you feel that way.. You have been sharing a big part of your life with that person. So you are used to sharing this.

My recommendation like many of us here.. get away from that person. Try to communicate as less as possible. Ask a friend if they can receive what you were about to send or draft it in your notes and read it and judge it a bit.

Start new hobbies, go to the gym. Read books, listen to music, watch the TV shows you liked before you were together. It's going to be a bumpy ride but in the end you'll get out of it much better than you'd ever expect!

Visualization helps, don't think about next year. Envision shorter timeframes what you're going to do. For me it helps a lot to look at now (this is where the feeling exists) look back 2 or 3 months and also dream of what you're going to try to achieve in 2 or 4 months. You'll see in the small details that you're about to discover that your doing a very good job in processing it!

Remember you're not alone!

lostcanuck007 · 2022-11-21T13:35:55+00:00

move far the first chance you get , dont care about the kids unless your lawyer tells you to.

when the bond is strong, so is relapse. dont let it happen

Title	Breaking the bond
Author	skotman01
Upvotes	18
Comments	22
Date	November 20, 2022 3:18 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/yztszb/breaking_the_bond/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/breaking-the-bond.1140917 https://theredarchive.com/post/1140917

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