Confront Infidelity Immediately?

chestpubesandballfro · 2023-10-31T23:01:29+00:00

22 years, 3 kids and the American dream later, I find out at a golf tournament that I sponsored that my x was literally screwing my terribly generic “bad boy” business partner.

I lit the fuse and watched it burn!

After a year and a half of separation, and about 30 dicks later, she had the nerve to ask our kids to ask me if she could come back….

Thats a firm no from me dog. She didn’t realize that I owned the intellectual property rights to my company. My business partner was just a good salesman, Aka replaceable….

Prenups are gold, but postnups are forever❤️

One-Wait-8383 · 2023-10-31T22:17:00+00:00

Absolutely not if adultery is not a factor in term of alimony/property division in your state. Save those proofs. Try to get it done amicably. She asked for divorce means she’s in affair fog. Use that to your advantage. Then once the divorce is done drop the hammer. Go scorched earth.

Cali means lifetime alimony. Does she work? Try to see if you can pursue her to give up alimony.

upfnothing · 2023-10-31T23:51:32+00:00

Just divorce dude. All this thinking is a waste of your time. It will make you look crazy in court if your lawyer doesn’t shut it down. Focus on creating a plan to show the court why you are a better fit for full custody or deserve 50/50. Tally your assets and begin discovery phase for assets.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2023-10-31T23:29:50+00:00

Never let 'em know your next move - Don't you know bad boys move in silence and violence

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-11-01T00:15:55+00:00

Until you have your sites perfectly lined up, don’t pull the trigger. Play dumb while silently plotting your own course. Be reasonable until things get stupid. Matters little about the infidelity, what matters most is protecting your pockets and kids. Let her get railed as it’s all a forgotten song. Good luck.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2023-10-31T22:57:31+00:00

If you’re in a no fault state, then just let it go. You’re getting divorced regardless, fanning the flames does nothing for either of you.

woodensecrets7 · 2023-11-01T02:47:17+00:00

I wonder if you could argue all the money spent on "training" was misuse of marital assets. Could be a lot of money depending on how long this has been going on.

Throwawaysi1234 · 2023-11-01T02:48:30+00:00

I'd wait at least until there is a court order thst she can drain assets. After that, I'd say go for it.

She'll tell everyone the divorce was your fault but at least with very mutual friends, you can be open about it

Lumptbuttcat · 2023-11-01T02:08:02+00:00

There’s no legal or financial benefit. It’s purely for you and your kids. Trust me. Need to get proof for when your kids are older. That’s the key.

Your kids will want to know why you divorced. When old enough, you can either lie and talk about drifting apart or whatever or you can tell them the truth- their mother was unfaithful. It’s not about being vindictive or painting yourself in a better life. It’s about teaching your kids how a selfish and thoughtless act can destroy a family. May prevent them repeating the same. Just think about it.

rsmiley77 · 2023-11-01T11:04:32+00:00

One of the things we want you to know is that yes it sucks and we know it hurts. The worst part is that you feel deep down that by letting it slide she feels she’s getting away with it. That she’s playing you.

Like others on here have said, legally the court system isn’t going to care about her infidelity. You gain nothing there. It’s nice that you have proof that isn’t deniable. I was in your position. I confronted to say I know what’s going on. Here’s what most people won’t tell you about marriage. Just because you’re married and say your vows, nothing is going to stop you or them from following through. You have two choices. Accept it and stay married or divorce. I at first wanted to chase and play cop. If you have those thoughts and ideas let it go. You know. The only thing left is to go your separate ways.

captainchippsixx · 2023-11-01T12:00:28+00:00

The biggest payback I would deliver is tell yours and her family the proof. Let her spend her time defending her actions and you spend on maximizing your divorce. Stay on the offensive, never let her control the narrative and take the lead. You lead!

OkEmphasis5923 · 2023-11-01T22:35:41+00:00

I would let her know you know, but only her and no one else. Tell her you have proof, hint at the what the proof is but don't show it. Tell her you are sad and devastated but you want the divorce to go smoothly so you won't be exposing this. Doing this will give you some leverage over her behavior and hopefully minimize how toxic she may become. That's what I would use the proof for. The threat of being exposed and humiliated + affair fog should put you in a position to gain a favorable outcome in the divorce.

The impulse to exact justice by exposing her will be short lived and it won't work. And you will have a hostile wife to deal with in divorce court and a hostile exwife to coparent with. Eventually, after the shock wears off, people let it go. Including children.

After the divorce is final, you're free to do what you want.

Ok_Transition_4914 · 2023-11-04T15:09:04+00:00

You say you're in a no fault state, so it makes no difference. You'll screw yourself and lose credibility for trying to make an issue of it.

On the other hand, if you have reason to discredit her, and this is just one part of a larger pattern of abusive and controlling behavior, put it on the list.

Overall, though, in a no fault state it just doesn't matter.

Title	Confront Infidelity Immediately?
Author	SummerRound
Upvotes	15
Comments	23
Date	October 31, 2023 9:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17kwf57/confront_infidelity_immediately/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/confront-infidelity-immediately.1237048 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237048

Comments