Dating after divorce

sleezypeezy3z · 2025-07-26T21:26:57+00:00

You clearly have shit you need to work on before you date anyone.

But also, you don’t need to financially “support” a new girlfriend even when you are ready.

VeteranEntrepreneurs · 2025-07-26T17:59:17+00:00

“What helped me was not caring what anyone else thought or their opinions of me” - this is key advice. You really have to learn to love yourself, focus on healthy habits both physically, mentally and emotionally and then do things like meetup groups, networking events, speed dating, etc. stay away from dating apps (in my opinion), they are incredibly superficial. You got this!

Inquisitorial_Court · 2025-07-26T00:52:06+00:00

It's hard man, for sure, I've been there especially with the negative and self hate talk. But that's where you need to start. When you think negatively on yourself, your body doesn't know the difference and thinks it's real. That part was hard for me to get over as well, because it makes you feel worthless and unworthy of love. I assure you, that's not true at all. It has to start with you though, what helped me was not caring what anyone else thought or their opinions of me.

Change your mindset, when you say things like "I will never be able to support my next girlfriend," a girlfriend is a bill, why even bother adding another bill to your life? What helped me the most honestly is staying busy, I travel the U.S for my main job, I run a business, and I invest full time. I don't care at all about being single, I love it in fact, I thought about the bright side of my divorce, I went from being miserable to being happy on my own.

A lot of the negative self thoughts you have are hard to overcome, and it's clear your trying, therapy(which helped me a lot as well) to posting here, support groups are a huge help, because we know what's it's like an it's an overwhelming feeling when there isn't someone there to stop your thoughts. I learned I love to help people, just genuinely love it, for no other reason then to make some random stranger happy, which makes me happy. Think outside the box for yourself and come up with what you genuinely love, because I'll bet you have a lot that makes you happy, if the old stuff doesn't anymore, then find new ones.

Reaching out is a great start, and if you ever want advice on what not to do, and advice on what worked as well, feel free to DM me, I'm more then happy to type your eyes out about whatever, because I've been there and it's an absolute shit feeling.

jimmycrackcode · 2025-07-25T23:45:01+00:00

Just jump in. Experience is the best teacher. Enjoy sucking at something. That’s the mentality that worked for me.

Assume at least first girl is a mulligan. You’ll probably screw it up, but you’ll learn a lot. The risk in OLD is so low today, it costs almost nothing to try.

Apprehensive-Sock606 · 2025-07-25T20:52:15+00:00

I would just go and focus on getting your feet wet and trying to have a decent time on the date. Stop attaching so much weight to the experience. It’s just a date. It doesn’t have to be some super serious thing. Stop thinking ahead so much, just focus on enjoying the night and meeting someone new.

YamilDivorceCoach · 2025-07-25T14:48:10+00:00

You are on the right track, doing the right things with the exception of dating. You are just not ready. It’s a process and some people take longer than others. Better to hold off, keep working with your therapist and keep going to the gym. Don’t give up on yourself and work on accepting your reality and seeing how blessed you truly are. Are you healthy? Are you capable of working? Do you have a roof over your head? Sooo much to be grateful for! Once you turn into gratitude so much will shift inside of you that will make you happy without a partner and that’s when you know you are ready! Good luck!

TimelyResearch1702 · 2025-07-25T13:26:15+00:00

For me all this is just hypothetical/dream, if one day I am able to escape my abusive marriage. But I looked into the surveys like "will women date somebody who is paying huge alimony to their ex". It seems that this is deal-breaker for only about half of women. There are plenty of decent women who say it's not a factor for them. I would put this on a table early on to make sure you aren't wasting time with the first half.

Andrew_D_1234 · 2025-07-24T19:33:15+00:00

Focus on yourself and build yourself back up. I wouldn't consider dating in your position or at least anything serious as you still have some wounds that need to heal. I'm over 6yrs post divorce and took me a long time of just finding myself and I still struggle with things today. It's a process, but you have to work on yourself first....and when you feel solid, hopefully be a good space to be open to meeting someone. Good luck

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-07-24T19:31:49+00:00

Being lonely and desperate is a big sign you aren't ready to date women. You have a lot of work to do on yourself, for now date yourself. If you don't love you and what you have going on then neither is a romantic partner.

Il_Valentino · 2025-07-24T12:48:06+00:00

I really want to date but my self confidence and self esteem was crushed from my divorce.

Don't make your self esteem dependent on outside approval. Learn to love yourself again.

How will anyone want to date me when I'm depressed and stressed out all the time?

They don't and honestly you shouldn't want to engage them either, it's a giant waste of time. Focus on yourself.

I'm financially ruined and will never be able to support my next girlfriend.

Why do you even want to support someone else to begin with? Marriage is a trap, why would you fall for the same trap again?

I'm angry at my ex wife.

Humans are generally selfish creatures. It's like getting angry at the clouds for raining down on you. You made the mistake to marry and that's ok, everyone does mistakes, but now you gotta move on.

I can't wait to be perfect as I will end up being alone forever.

If you are scared of living with yourself then how can you expect someone else to live with you?

I'm just so damn lonely and have a desire to connect with a female again. Any advice or experience you can share is appreciated.

My best advice is to stop looking outwards and start looking inwards. Learn new skills, get in shape, be the man you want to be. When you are confident with yourself then the other gender will knock on your door automatically, although I genuinely recommend to keep them out. It's rarely worth the hassle.

ng_rddt · 2025-07-24T11:35:43+00:00

If you start dating with this desperate and self-negative frame of mind, you will be an easy target for a narcissistic partner who will love bomb you and destroy you even more emotionally and financially. It almost happened to me, but thankfully I was able to pull away from her. They can sense your weakness because they have cultivated it from their decades of dating and searching for easy marks, like you.

The more desperate you are, the worse your outcome.

I get it that you are lonely. Grow your network of male friends. Identify clubs and join them or start your own. Explore ethical (ie, non-cult) religious groups-they can be a wonderful place to rebuild your sense of self. Then when you are ready (ask your therapist to guide you on that, which is what I did), then start dating.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-07-24T10:51:19+00:00

You ain't ready yet. Get off the apps. You won't enjoy anything until you're mental, physically, and spiritually ready.

ImpermanentSelf · 2025-07-24T10:36:19+00:00

Go out in nature. Go hike, go walk in the woods. Literally touch grass. You need a psychological reboot

redditrock56 · 2025-07-24T06:42:07+00:00

You need to like yourself before you can ask someone else to like you.

Do what it takes to get you there: keep going to the gym, develop a new skill, forgive yourself for past mistakes, etc.

If you are not happy in your own skin, women will avoid you like the plague.

Try reading some redpill or seduction communities here or elsewhere.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-07-24T06:13:02+00:00

At the least you'll talk and flirt with a woman, maybe have some hookups and regain confidence. Women on these sites aren't the best of the best either and have their own issues. Don't think of yourself as something lesser or damaged.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2025-07-24T06:12:19+00:00

I would avoid the dating apps if you’re trying to date locally. Do things that make you happy and better like the gym and try to meet people. I have a bunch of bros now and it’s fun just to hang with the guys and we occasionally go out to try to pick up girls at night when we do social things. I’m even thinking about joining a coed softball team. Plan b is to be a passport bro. Just work my butt off so I can live it up in some other country for a couple weeks a year.

Visible_Citron_7862 · 2025-07-24T05:41:54+00:00

Moving on is a choice. The mindset and feelings you’re looking for is on the other side of that choice.

Title	Dating after divorce
Author	Fluffy_Afternoon652
Upvotes	9
Comments	22
Date	July 24, 2025 5:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1m7w0nq/dating_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating-after-divorce.1557943 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557943

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