Dating ?

derelictherds · 2022-10-03T20:43:37+00:00

Hitting on people while they're working is generally considered poor form... especially if they work a public facing job that requires them to smile and be nice to customers. If you must, then give her your number and keep it low pressure. Do not put her on the spot. For the love of god do not bring her a box of chocolates lol.

VodkaClubSofa · 2022-10-03T22:00:58+00:00

“I know you’re working and hope this isn’t too awkward, but I have really enjoyed our conversations over the last few months. I’d like to get to know you a little better so if you’d like to grab a cup of coffee or something to eat, give me a shout, no pressure.” Hand her your number. If she rejects you or says she has a boyfriend, don’t make it weird on future visits. You never know what a persons situation is at any given time. There may be an opportunity for you two to connect in the future. Good luck and whatever happens, DON’T MARRY HER.

BlackHoleSlurpy · 2022-10-03T21:21:43+00:00

Just have your number written down and write "call me if you'd like to chat sometime." Slide it to her at checkout and leave.

Sensitive-Egg-3912 · 2022-10-03T21:43:48+00:00

I agree that honesty is the best policy. Lines don't work. If negging works, you are starting out on a really bad footing. Just say that she seems nice, you would love to take her to a cup of coffee or a drink, and if she is otherwise committed or not interested no worries. Giving her your number gives her the control, and if she does not respond, let it go.

xadmin1 · 2022-10-03T21:26:40+00:00

Dude just have small chat and ask her if she wants to go for coffee one morning

RideATX · 2022-10-03T20:41:10+00:00

lol, you need to read "The Game by neil strauss & Models by Mark Manson... Do not buy her fucking chocolates. That is creepy af, you don't even know her.

Current_Tonight4140 · 2022-10-04T03:39:46+00:00

As a woman, myself, go back every few days. Buy some manly stuff! Not joking.

Gattsama · 2022-10-04T10:37:30+00:00

Dude, no gifts and do not make a big show. As others have said, being friendly when in retail is just part of the job. You want to make an honest and open ending request, and then judge her response. Eg:

I don't mean to be overly forward, heck even rude. But I would love to take you to lunch sometime.
Thank you I see you here a lot and just wanted to say you have a beautiful smile. Would love to see it outside work sometime.

If she declines, you smile & laugh, play it off with something like 'well never hurts to ask, thank you.' And then NEVER bring it up again. If she shows interest remember she's still at work. So have a business card with your cell on the back or something else you can quickly giver her, OR be ready to copy her contact of choice (cell, whatsapp, IG, line, etc) quickly. Again, say 'thanks, looking forward it to it' smile and leave.

BUT here's the thing. You asking this question shows what you really to work on instead is your self confidence and one-itis. You do NOT know this person, there's no reason to focus on her or worry about what she may or may not do. She could spend her weekends at KKK rallies and dog fights :) You have no investment in her.

You ask, and whatever happens happens. Doesn't matter, there is no shortage of women on the planet. Truth is that you get better by doing, so just approach lots of women until the rejection doesn't bother you. Once you're freed from the worry, anxiety and fear of what they might do, or how to approach, etc. When you can walk away with literally zero fucks; then you'll be able to really approach women. Because women hate that nervous I don't know if I deserve you energy.

Good luck out there...

EddieDBarbosa · 2022-10-07T03:10:59+00:00

First, why did you wait 2 years? I'm dating 2 weeks into filing for divorce. Be free man!

Second, you have to re-learn all this shit, so just go for it and see what happens. Online dating is nuts, and you'll just have to figure it out. The sooner the better. Close the web browser and go meet your girl.

BackInevitable4566 · 2022-10-04T20:00:59+00:00

I’m gonna be really honest about this .. She’s smiling at you because she’s an employee, trained in customer service. Thats what she’s supposed to do. There’s probably lots of guys who come into the store and love chatting with this girl.

If you just go for broke and ask her out, you run the serious risk of having this blow up in your face, and then you’re gonna have to find another Home Depot which is more of a pain in the ass than finding another girl.

For heaven’s sake don’t bring her any gifts. That shit might’ve worked in the 1950s but today it would probably get you a restraining order.

All is not lost though, if you’re really serious about this girl, there is a way in, but it’s going to require something a little more creepy then bringing her candy.

You’re going to need to arrange a “chance meeting“ with her outside of work. This is going to require some recon on your part, and the possibility of encountering her with people she knows, maybe even a boyfriend.

If somehow you can find out her last name, searching online is the easiest way to find places which she frequents. Facebook, Insta, Etc. If not, you’re going to have to be a good intentioned stalker, again risk receiving a restraining order, and worse, finding a new Home Depot.

If all this somehow works out, and you do run into her, preferably after she’s had a couple of drinks, this is your best chance to have a real talk.

Personally though, I think there’s lots of other girls out there who would be much easier to pursue than this one. Don’t sell yourself short.

I really do admire your enthusiasm though. Godspeed, sir

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-03T20:52:48+00:00

You're gonna get eaten alive with that Happy Days routine.

Money, muscles, game, frame. That's what you need to master if you want da gurlz. Start with Jon and the Modern Life Dating YT channel.

recce22 · 2022-10-03T20:48:28+00:00

Unless you’re a celebrity, we all have this problem - no one is an expert and rejection is part of the game.

With that said, “Honesty is the best policy…”. I have women indirectly asking me out in very clever ways before. But as a man, I see no shame in being polite and direct.

IMHO - It’s how you frame it and deliver it: “You’re an incredible person so I bet every guy is dying to ask you out…”. Determine her response and go from there? I’m no expert but I think you already did the leg work to get to know her. (Note: It’s always difficult to express vulnerable feelings to someone you adore.)

I’m sure she will be available if she has deeper interests. Women are just as lonely as men are so if you can peal that “fear layer away,” all the better.

I think we’re all old enough at this point to risk never knowing. We’re “jaded and faded” like that “junky nurse…oh what misery.” -Mick Jagger

LonelyNC123 · 2022-10-04T14:00:29+00:00

Dude, don't take this the wrong way. I am JOKING with you. This is my 2nd marriage so I know what it is like when you are still suffering the emotional damage of a divorce, your confidence it battered, and you are trying to get back out there again. But you are sounding like such a bone headed guy. LOL! Guys are so bad at communication (chicks make that complaint all the time), and your comment kinda demonstrates why women say that. I am a guy but I am OLD (approaching 60). I am NOT smart but I am kinda experienced and I just kinda got over myself ages ago and I just don't give a DAMN what anybody thinks about me any more (unless they are cops who might arrest me for being a stalker - HA HA).

First - indirectly find our more about her background. Some comment like 'wow, the weather is nice this week end. Do you have to work or are you going out to do something fun with your partner'. DING! You found out whether or not she is committed to anybody.

After you find out if she is committed then figure out if she has a child (children). Figure out in some indirect, off-hand way. For example - if you have kids tell her 'I am taking my son to the park this week end', something like that. If she is a single mom and you both have kids you have an instant bond. If she is single with no children but you do have children, maybe consider taking a pass on her. She is nice, friendly and attractive but your lives are just too different.

If she is not committed, my suggestion - when she is not super busy just tell her. Couch it as 5 second sales pitch (no more than 5 seconds while nobody is in line behind you). Say ' I know you deal with the public and guys in the building trade industry all the time. It is your job to be nice to the customer, so I am not super special, you are just doing your job, you get hit on all the time. But, in case you would like to ever talk outside of work, here is my phone # . The ball is in your court, I promise I will NEVER bother you again if you don't feel like talking to me'. Have your number written on a business card you can just hand her - people tend to automatically take stuff when you just hand it to them (an old school sales pitch - HA HA). And be kinda light hearted and smile alot while you say this so the whole thing does not seem super stressful and heavy, and laugh a little to diffuse the tension. Don't put her on the spot and make her say yes or no right then.

Then, the next time you are at Home Depot, do NOT go to her check out line. Never bother her again. If you are forced to interact with her just smile and be friendly and never bring this up again. She knows how you feel, she will contact you if she wants to. If she does agree to talk to you outside of her and your job, please, for God's sake, please don't start talking about your ex-wife or how bad she is. Talk about HER (not you).

Michael Jordon said 'The shot I always missed is the one I never took'. Don't be a creepy jackass and don't worry about it too much, you will be fine. Hang in there man, I know how HARD this is. About 50% of men are creeps so they give the other 50% of us a bad rap.

Good luck! You will be fine! I promise.

Title	Dating ?
Author	Acceptable_Ask_7624
Upvotes	0
Comments	40
Date	October 3, 2022 8:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xuudl2/dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dating.1135223 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135223