Divorce from BPD

bikeknife · 2021-08-28T00:51:43+00:00

I can't say my situation was exactly the same but I can seriously empathize. I was called a 'gas lighter' while I myself was being gas-lit.It was when the Covid Alpha strain was winding down that I saw some of my close friends and remembered, "I'm not a piece of shit, am funny, and have friends that are way cooler than my STBX". It all flooded back that I was OK and not the illusion she was projecting onto me. I urge to be safe but find what helps you remember who you were before this asshole damaged your self image.

Thinkingtoomuch101 · 2021-08-28T00:36:57+00:00

Hang on man. They (pwBPD) do some serious damage. You’re worth so much more than they made you out to be. Stick with the therapy. And new hobbies.

GoesTooFast · 2021-08-28T03:58:51+00:00

Bro, I feel you. When someone you thought you loved makes fun of you grieving a death... You feel like dying yourself. Don't do it to yourself. Let's share our emptiness and pain together. We can get through it.

MTedc2018 · 2021-08-28T00:35:30+00:00

Easy Brother, clearly that’s no solution!

Please collect yourself and reply to us all you are OK?

No person, none…is worth killing yourself! Reach out to your support persons ASAP and avoid alcohol and other substances until you are over the hump.

Cheers!

Hope you collect your thoughts…

JustTheSpecsPlease · 2021-08-28T03:27:09+00:00

Brother, don't let her take you from you.

Reframe this. It's not "fuck life." It's "fuck the lows I've been introduced to."

Find your highs, keep them nonchemical. The best epilogue is living well.

You deserve your highs.

DontShoot0808 · 2021-08-28T02:26:34+00:00

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

There is always someone to talk to. Don’t give up.

Udjebfk · 2021-08-28T04:21:46+00:00

I get you man. Today I was thi king of my ex thinking "what a fucking number you did on me." I'm sorry you went through that. Do you have children together? Keep with the therapy. Look into BPDfamily forums, amd outofthefog.net. Healing from this shit is hard but possible. Best wishes.

trickymw · 2021-08-28T11:55:51+00:00

This is an impossible pain to deal with. Brother I have been there, and am still going through it…. Together for 10 years, married for 5, 1 child together. She went into devalue mode quickly, it i couldn’t see it, because I always thought, as you did, that I was the problem. It’s not us, we are trying our best to help and make them feel safe. It’s time to focus on you, on your health, on your life. I won’t lie to you man, it’s hard and gets harder. But as the days have turned into months, it has gotten easier. I still don’t speak, or even look at her when we do custody exchanges, but I’m able to see now what a weak, fragile joke she is. The gym has helped, my friends and family have helped, a new, normal, slowly building relationship with a nice NORMAL lady has shown me that I’m not a piece of shit. YOU WILL GET THERE. I promise you that friend. Reach out any time.

Famous-Ad147 · 2021-08-28T04:02:47+00:00

Don't think that way homie. Your worth more than that. You WILL get thru this. Breath and give yourself some time... life is more beautiful than you think sometimes...

bald_headed_yeti · 2021-08-28T12:25:45+00:00

Meant to reply sooner, glad things are good...get well and take care of YOU!

Glad_Abbreviations25 · 2021-08-28T17:37:28+00:00

Bro don’t think fuck life. Think fuck yeah I have finally freedom to do things again. Uncertainty is tough to deal with but if your previous certainty was about dealing with everyday insanity. Then you are better off. It tough but it’s better

HelixFish · 2021-08-28T18:18:25+00:00

Life is worth it. My ex has BPD. She would rage at me for hours. I remember being so exhausted after hours of arguing that I couldn’t stop myself from falling asleep but I was afraid of falling asleep due to how she’d rip into me for falling asleep. Fucked up. You did well to get away.

Long-Review-1861 · 2021-08-31T05:19:29+00:00

I was with a borderline for almost 9 years, absolutely destroyed me. Even her psychologist told me to get away from her. Many fake suicide attempts , crying wolf situations. Walked in on her sucking her thumb and rocking back and forth asking for "mommy" , got out the shower and saw her repeatedly banging her head against the wall complaining that she's "worth nothing" , just pure insanity. Get away from her . You feel so bad because of the unpredictable nature of a relationship with a bpd, it's a trauma bond

fixingmedaybyday · 2021-08-28T02:49:04+00:00

It’s the grieving process. Just like when the biggest asshole in the whole world dies, people suddenly start talking about what such a great guy he was. Your brain is doing this now missing the absence — even if it’s an absence from some real messed up stuff. I feel it too — all of it — especially that stuff at the end of your post — and it sucks. Just remember this life is the only one we get — no sense in wasting it now just because we are down. We gotta get back up again.

CropCircle77 · 2021-08-28T00:38:53+00:00

Borderline sucks. Avoid those like the plague. Easier said than done.

teufelinderflasche · 2021-08-28T04:35:28+00:00

BPD are experts at getting under your skin, pushing buttons and tearing you up from the inside. Give yourself time to heal.

Jonger1150 · 2021-08-28T15:07:45+00:00

Most of us men feel like this.

Successful_Chard · 2021-08-28T21:18:10+00:00

I'm in the process of divorcing and realized last week that I have been dealing with BPD for 15 years but never knew. I am reading a book called Walking on Eggshells, it is helping me realize what is going on. You may know more about it but wanted to throw my support your way.

ghostlyone · 2021-08-31T15:30:05+00:00

I (46M) did not read through all the comments, as I simply chose not to. You see, I am afflicted with BPD. I will tell you, having years and years of work help me to become a "recovering BPD sufferer" and to not let the notorious traits out because I did not want to hurt anyone again....and to end up feeling like the OP bc my STXW could push my buttons...one hell of a ride and a lot of pieces to pick up and put back together. Just because we have BPD doesn't mean we are evil or bad, we hurt, we suffer and some are bad people too who abuse the ones closest to them. Finally, I'd be happy to answer any questions from my POV, a 46M coping with BPD while going through a second divorce.

Snowbirdy · 2021-08-28T15:18:18+00:00

This book “Splitting” was incredibly helpful when I divorced my Borderline ex wife:

https://g.co/kgs/Q77LxT

Title	Divorce from BPD
Author	seita2905
Upvotes	33
Comments	49
Date	August 27, 2021 11:49 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/pcz0r6/divorce_from_bpd/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorce-from-bpd.1065316 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065316

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