Do all long-term relationships get dull?

TheNattyJew · 2025-02-14T01:30:26+00:00

No man. Conversation between my wife and I flows effortlessly. The love and the laughter is always right there. We talk about everything. I don't know if you can get there with your wife, but there are women out there who are compatible with you at this level.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-02-14T00:51:51+00:00

Sometimes. My wife just cheated after our 20th anniversary and said she didn't "feel fun." Dude we traveled all over. Did so much fun stuff.

Ultimately her idea of fun was cheating with a convicted felon who has DV convictions.

tyyyy110 · 2025-02-14T00:41:24+00:00

<Do all long-term relationships get dull?

yes, but you can do exciting things with each other if you love one another and or view the other person as the person you want to be with.

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-02-14T00:40:22+00:00

It will get dull easily if you put "myself" in front of everything and this needs both sides to commit. By putting each other in front then you can feel the commitment of the other side and excitement of what the other going to do for you

hotantipasta · 2025-02-14T00:38:58+00:00

I think you’ll figure it out, maybe too late, but you’ll figure it out. Marriage goes in cycles, you just have to learn to navigate those cycles if you truly love someone.

Electric_Donut_Mouth · 2025-02-14T00:30:40+00:00

My opinion isn’t that they get dull but there is a shelf life on her accepting you for you. There is a pretty hilarious video on how “situationships” or “just hanging out” turns into relationships for women. And it’s just the girl agreeing with the carefree low commitment relationship that men like.

For me that seems to be the reality, I’ve taken the time to write down exactly what I want from a relationship and what I consider acceptable behavior. Women will be like “hell yeah this is great!” For the first 8min the tow. Year but then they want more. At that point I give them more but it’s usually just a slow ride to the end of the relationship. And that’s ok. We have a great time together and I’m working on exiting the relationships with more grace.

Commenting on a post recently I think I referred to it like “I’m not looking for “happily ever after” I’m looking for “this was nice while it lasted””

I tried celibacy and lasted like two weeks, and I have realized I don’t have enough male friends. So those things scare me about the future but I’m not worried about trading those fears for a partner. I just need to fix me.

tothemoonbatman · 2025-02-14T00:26:26+00:00

Yes. The butterflies will always end eventually. Men (generally) seem to know this from the get-go.

As an LCSW, women figure it out too. Either they figure it out in their marriage and are self-aware enough to not want to divorce over it. Orrrr...they figure it out after the 2nd or 3rd marriage has also become dull and they realize they're not 30 anymore. At least from my experience.

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2025-02-14T00:24:05+00:00

About a year and a half ago (a year before I was forced to file), my STBX says "We don't have anything in common, anymore!"

I reply, "STBX, we have three things in common (our kids), and if those three things aren't enough, I don't know what to tell you."

Well, her life isn't boring any more, living with a drug dealing pimp felon, hooked on meth.

LOL.

Thenewandimprovedu · 2025-02-14T00:11:41+00:00

They all get boring and the grass always looks greener. I messed up my marriage because I fell for that same way of thinking, now a week from final divorce court session and I'm realizing the boring steady life I had wasn't all that bad. Don't get me wrong, going on a date with a new person is exciting but like all things, what was once excitement becomes the norm.

Particular_Act7478 · 2025-02-13T23:53:42+00:00

The existence described here sounds horrible. Oh you are not fighting, uhhh, yeah get a hobby… 🤣🤣🤣🤣

up2ngnah · 2025-02-13T23:39:39+00:00

The way you describe the marriage , It’s no wonder there’s a feeling of unnaturalness to dates, sex etc. And to answer the Q: Yes, 100%. No matter your wife or a gf, we all become “dull” to each other certain times. . Your feelings regarding your past relationship aren’t comparable to a marriage w/kids relationship your in now. At your age, kinda pathetic that you don’t know that.

AffectionateAd6060 · 2025-02-13T23:22:46+00:00

I would say yes they do...

Pro-IDGAF · 2025-02-13T23:15:18+00:00

well i kinda get ya. i regret ever getting married, it was just wrong all around and i didnt see it. coulda bailed earlier before a house and a kid but then after that it was too late. i was still in my catch and release phase of women

once i was i with a kid, i was in and wasn’t going to punch out just for selfish reasons.

we never had any common ground and that was painful. we tried but she wasn’t very flexible or understanding so it made it hard and we just focused on the kid.

if you can find that now, i suggest it. bad sex doesnt help though. if you two can talk thru things like adults, it might work.

ABBucsfan · 2025-02-13T22:38:19+00:00

Marriage isn't there to keep your entertained and stimulated all the time. Sounds like you guys need your own hobbies and friends. Not everything has to be done together and there are other interests and people. Being dull or boring is a poor reason to consider divorce imo. A lot of us would have been happy to have that. If you get along, don't fight about things, communicate well, theyre way good parent, that's better than many marriages. Some people put way too much on their partner. Or course after being together for years it's not going to be exciting just being in their presence. You may even find having the odd nights out you come back missing them.

Of course you could be one of those people that marriage isn't a good fit for. Some people just get restless but we all tend to desire it.

AggieDan1996 · 2025-02-13T22:34:45+00:00

So, what do you want? A long string of short relationships? That sounds like a waste of time to me. I've had my share and then some. The whole marriage thing really is the greenest grass in the long run.

I desired my ex when she was morbidly obese as well as when she was at her thinnest (which was when she got the boyfriend, go figure).

My wife and I are much different than my first marriage. We always kiss each other hello and goodbye. We share a seat on the couch... Recliner area so it's snug. We hold hands all the time and I'm grabbing her ass at least once or twice a day in hidden ways her kids or my kids won't see. We also always sleep naked. There's much more low intensity physical intimacy which makes it easier to have bigger physical intimacy. The only thing in common was the nude sleeping. But, the ex bought a king sized bed and splayed out like a starfish... Not exactly cuddle friendly.

It sounds to me like you don't have intimate habits of the low intensity variety. These can go a long way. If the only time you touch is 5 seconds before sex, that's not going to work. I know it can be hard with kids. Fuck, were dodging 4 pairs of eyes and ears in a 1700 sq. ft. house. The struggle is real! But, you can do it.

It almost sounds like you're both being coy with intimacy because of fear of rejection as well. Discuss that with her.

Fyfel · 2025-02-13T22:24:40+00:00

Are you just being naive? Short answer, yes. You’re comparing your family life with your dating life when you were younger and without children and likely any significant responsibilities.

Dating will be extremely hard at 46yrs old when you’re divorced with 2 young children. I assume you’ll be working full time and have 50/50 custody of your children? After working full time, having your children half the week, doing ALL the chores and grocery shopping by yourself you will have very little free time to yourself. You will be exhausted and hardly have time for dates.

rsmiley77 · 2025-02-13T22:01:56+00:00

I think you make some good points.

My own personal belief is that what you are talking about is ‘lust’. No relationship will sustain itself if it’s just about lusting after the other. ‘Real love’ is about more than the sexiness of your partner. That will always wane. It’s about being a partner who one can lean on through the best and worst of times. Of course what do I know I’m a now divorced male…

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-02-13T21:53:07+00:00

I mean….as a society we made up marriage.

We also made up monogamy.

What did we really expect?

Title	Do all long-term relationships get dull?
Author	Covington-next
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	February 13, 2025 9:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iouju9/do_all_longterm_relationships_get_dull/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-all-long-term-relationships-get-dull.1543795 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543795

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