Does it get any better once papers are signed?

ThePhunkyPhantom13 · 2025-01-28T18:37:18+00:00

Everyday spent away is better and is like a fine wine.

itsyounotmeagain77 · 2025-01-28T17:44:51+00:00

For me it's a no. It's been nearly two years since I filed against her and two years since she has been moved out. She still furious that I filed against her and all she wants is the money from the sell of the house to pay off her 50k in post seperation debt and start her new life with her paramour. She doesn't care about our daughter or what she is doing to her.

Only 1 of two ways this will get better.

She gives up and moves to Europe with her boyfriend.
My cancer comes back with a vengeance, and I die.

Curious_Helicopter29 · 2025-01-28T17:26:22+00:00

It will not if you have kids. Particularly if they are under 18.

Strange_Try7496 · 2025-01-28T17:18:25+00:00

The sun didn't rise for the 24 months it took me to divorce. Progress really only happened on the very last day. She had dragged her feet purposefully and she stupidly evaporated her money and mine. I got a $2000 bill from my lawyer each month like clockwork. But I felt changing lawyers would cost even more.

That last day? We literally went from almost no progress to finishing the divorce. I couldn't believe it. Clouds parted. Choir sang.

I won't lie. It was still one foot in front of the other for the next year. But things got so much better so quickly. Life is good two years later.

Ladiesman94952 · 2025-01-28T15:41:56+00:00

Once signed.. go no contact

warrior_up · 2025-01-28T13:11:07+00:00

The question is, “does it get any worse for a man after leaving an unappreciative & disrespectful women?

Ive “dated” my sons teachers, “dated” A few babysitters, so many nice kind willing and extremely flexible women out there that are all very good company. After about the 2 yr post divorce mark I haven’t stopped smiling. My ex is sadly not doing as well as she thought she would, turns out all that external validation and admiration she was getting that gave her all that confidence while she was blowing up her family didn’t pan out to well.

She’s an official Karen, miserable.

I’m gonna golf this afternoon

Electric_Donut_Mouth · 2025-01-28T12:47:36+00:00

You are going to deal with and mourn the loss of that particular future. It’s just part of it but hopefully at some point you will look around in all your sadness and say “what do I have to be so sad about?” And then it’ll just stop. I was happy when it all ended and happy I was getting divorced but I was still sad about the change, then one day after about 18 months I had the above thought and life has been really great.

My ex is pretty awful still but you have to take a step back and realize how pitiful they are. I look at my ex like a tantruming child, it’s annoying and frustrating but I’m not going to convince her to be an adult.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-01-28T04:00:07+00:00

Mine took 3.5 years! You and what others noted here are correct in my experience. Lost time etc. Days where you don’t get anything done. Those should diminish. No magical change but somewhat better overall afterwards. Within 6 months I had to go back to court. Hopefully your ex is not completely crazy like mine. Set reasonable expectations on everything post divorce life..not saying to settle for less but face the reality of post divorce life. My direct answer to your question is that it is better after settlement. You can have control over how much better. Up to you. I feel like you are in the stage where the uncertainty is impacting you. It is a strategy to wear you down. You can’t really move on NOW until papers signed. Don’t make the mistake of signing papers if you’re not 1000% sure the most important things are addressed the way you want them. Non financial and financial! I’m talking about parsing words to meaning not leaving gray area for interpolation. Otherwise you will not be able to move on even though you signed papers. Don’t be a martyr by giving up. Be clever on the financial terms and 50/50 with kid time if they are young.

redragtop99 · 2025-01-28T03:56:48+00:00

Man I know very well how frustrating this is. I’m going through it right now, it’s been 27 months, she’s since has a baby w AP… I posted last week about my discovery request, well the answer was no, she did not submit discovery. She did not admit to service, like she pulled some trick over on me.

Well I had my lawyer serve her w formal discovery (she failed to comply w subpoena) but since she did not admit to service, and we had a deposition scheduled I had my lawyer just serve her w interrogatories. I think we have it dialed in. I told him serve her w formal discovery and make sure she admits to service. Then we have 30 days to make sure she gets this in, I’m sick and fucking tired of waking up every day hoping today is the day she will finally submit her discovery. She is just totally playing games because she has nothing to lose. She knows the court won’t leave her broke, so whatever she spends on lawyers is just running my budget up w no way to punish her. At the end of this, if she owes $20k in legal fees, the judge will make me pay her lawyer, even if that’s all she’s getting, and the more she runs it up, the more it’s going to cost me, period.

I would have never gotten married if I knew these things, I’m not religious at all and didn’t really care, just wanted to plan starting a family and not just knock someone up. I wish I would have looking back on it, as I’m 44 w no kids and single.

GobiEats · 2025-01-28T03:21:52+00:00

Take it a day at a time and do one thing positive for yourself everyday. Some days that will be taking the kids to the park or a movie. Those will be great days. Some days when you are alone try eating healthier, maybe working on the car for an hour, take a walk for 45 minutes. Just something where you can say I did something today.

I’m currently going through a divorce and I’ve been working out, either weightlifting or a rowing machine cardio session. If I’m too tired for that I just try to organize some of my things to make it easier to move later.

probebeta · 2025-01-28T01:54:40+00:00

The biggest stress of this process for me was the amount of money that I will "lose" in this. Luckily 50/50 custody was never questioned so I didn't have to deal with that.

In retrospect, I see I'm capable of making that money back and much more. Women I am meeting are more attractive. I can decide on what works and what doesn't work for me. Just bought a condo on a high floor in the heart of the city without fear of what happens if she divorces me because m already done. Imagine how liberating that is. I'll do my own floor renos and pick my own tiles.

So while I'm fairly bitter I think this was also a gift to me from her. Keep pushing forward!

Lefaid · 2025-01-28T01:16:43+00:00

It is important that you still find ways to enjoy yourself when you don't have the kids. That is the first step to moving on.

jabbo142 · 2025-01-27T23:00:12+00:00

Moving on starts with finding the real you. The guy you used to be before you changed your behaviors to keep her happy. We all have done that. Work on yourself, exercise. The endorphin release from the exercise will calm your mind. As long as you're feeling this way, stay away from booze. There's brighter days ahead, I promise. You just gotta get to the otherside.

Jojothereader · 2025-01-27T22:28:07+00:00

After it’s signed get laid. It is better after. You got this.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-01-27T22:27:09+00:00

Ending the surprise friday afternoon motions, the insanity of the hearings, not having a routine for when I'll see the kids, not knowing what this will cost me...I'm hoping signing will pull the plug on some of that uncertainty. The rest, who knows. Finding a new normal without being a father and SAHD, not seeing my kids, being motivated to be something other than a husband and father. The unknown was bad. The other side has got to be better. Right?

2025-01-27T22:26:50+00:00

We're in the same boat. She just keeps dragging it out and being selfish. Forcing us to go to trial. Refusing to accept 50/50 custody. So petty and tiresome. I'm 100% certain once the papers are signed, we'll feel a million times better

Peace_and_Love40 · 2025-01-27T22:26:08+00:00

I haven’t been in your shoes as I don’t have kids and I am not YET separated. But I think once everything is officially “over” and signed you will get Your second wind. I’ve heard great things about therapy. Hang in there. 👍. I am positive it will get better.

Title	Does it get any better once papers are signed?
Author	aarongdl
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	January 27, 2025 10:16 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iblte5/does_it_get_any_better_once_papers_are_signed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/does-it-get-any-better-once-papers-are-signed.1542326 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542326

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