Don't lose your cool.

esmayishere · 2025-06-22T16:41:50+00:00

So you blame the woman, but you don’t hold the man accountable for threatening his exwife? She's egotistical for reporting his out-of-line behaviour?

chiboulevards · 2025-06-18T01:05:05+00:00

It's just amazing to me how many people have been through this and experienced almost the exact same thing. This scenario is called "reactive abuse" where someone is provoked to the point of an emotional reaction and then the issue becomes the way the person reacted or behaved instead of the original issue.

Retying3043 · 2025-06-17T18:10:53+00:00

Good advice.

Applicable to divorce.

Also applicable to every day life.

Don’t ever show that you care.

batmanarchy · 2025-06-17T01:08:40+00:00

I wish I had followed this advice. I knew it in my heart but couldn’t get over how fucked up what she did was

fffrdcrrf · 2025-06-16T02:39:23+00:00

Its so true, its crazy how they can turn it off and basically laugh at men when we’re basically having a mental breakdown because, most women don’t know the depths of a mans love for their family. We have a different way of showing affection, I would of taken a bullet for my wife, our two instincts as men is to protect and provide thats how we show love and the only thing we really need in return is respect. When women disrespect you in a profound way it’s over. Thats when you need to guard your emotions. When I tried expressing my feelings to my wife she just threw it back at me, in that moment its you two going tit for tat and thats not communication thats her trying to dominate the conversation and control the narrative. Thats when I realized it was over and she was just trying get me to respond negatively so it could give her motivation for what she was doing. She occasionally tries to say something antagonizing hoping I react. I know she does this because she bragged on multiple occasions about meddling in the drama of “friends” relationships and how it was entertaining. She love replicating those drama shows she would watch in reality.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2025-06-16T01:05:11+00:00

I want to share some observations that might be helpful for anyone navigating difficult relationships. It's not uncommon for individuals, particularly in contentious situations, to react in ways that can escalate conflict, sometimes leading to legal action such as restraining orders. This can create an imbalance in the eyes of the law. For example, I spoke with a man facing a potential 10 to 15-year sentence due to accusations from his estranged wife. Fortunately, he had evidence to prove her claims were false.

To protect yourself, consider having someone accompany you when you're interacting with your partner or install security cameras in and around your home. Recording conversations can also serve as a vital protective measure, also look into parenting Apps that the courts in your area approved, as then this will limit your face to face conversations with your STBXW, As all conversations are advisable in court so keep your conversations civil. While it may be frustrating to be in such circumstances, it’s crucial to prioritize your well-being and that of your children, as custody arrangements can become complicated.

Additionally, I recommend looking into strategies like "Doing the 180" and "Grey Rocking." These techniques can help manage interactions and may reduce conflict in challenging situations. If you're feeling overwhelmed or easily upset, seeking support through counselling or support groups can provide you with valuable tools to cope and respond effectively. Sharing any other strategies or insights you've come across would also be beneficial to the community. Together, we can navigate these complex situations more effectively.

MiloGoesToPorridge · 2025-06-15T21:44:00+00:00

Great advice which I'd urge anyone going through similar to follow.

My angry phase lasted about six weeks (still hate her guts and don't see that changing any time soon) but I have gotten pretty good at not showing it. Luckily, my dramatic displays did no real damage.

If you can't feel indifference, please try to feign it guys.

THX1138-22 · 2025-06-15T19:04:21+00:00

This video is a great synopsis of the 6 strategies a person can use to manipulate you and the way the man reacts—not swayed and focused—is amazing. https://youtu.be/XatLfLQ7G68?si=3R5pgQSW34ljP7FE

This should be required watching for every young boy.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-06-15T18:10:02+00:00

That’s their goal. They can’t admit responsibility so they feed their lies with more manipulation and emotional traps that they love to say it’s all you and not them.

They are throwing the first punch and recording your justifiably reaction. However, it’s only showing you acting “irrational”. Not the full perspective.

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-06-15T15:38:19+00:00

Respond, don’t react.

Most of the time you don’t even need to respond.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2025-06-15T13:33:19+00:00

I am a chill guy. In 14 years of marriage I never yelled at my STBXW (10 years that I thought were good, 2 years of basically roommates and now 2 years of divorce process). This because my ex stepfather was both mentally and verbally abusive to me (he tried to beat me a couple of times but I was to fast, he couldn’t catch me 😂). The verbal abuse included lots of yelling.

Anyway, women hope that their STBXH lose their cool and yell (and do stupid shit). I noticed my STBXW has a camera on the mantle facing the entry door to her apartment. I noticed it early on when I drop our kids off (I help them carry their stuff to the door).

So men definitely need to be careful. Doing stupid shit will only go against you in divorce proceedings.

Oh, and she records my calls with our kids each night they are not with me. My son said so. On one occasion I heard a computer type voice say “Now recording.” 😂 She forgot to turn on the recorder before she answered the phone.

25_years · 2025-06-15T11:55:06+00:00

I will add to this. During my trial, the opposing lawyer called me to the stand. It was quite obvious to me she had a script designed EXPLICITLY to get me to react emotionally and negatively. It was very transparent.

I didn't take the bait. I stayed cool. But, of course, internally, I was furious by the questions and the suggestions.

I've read plenty of stories from other men. The moment you get upset or react emotionally, they'll scream: "See, your honor! He's angry! He's got a temper! He's lashing out! No wonder the kids are scared of him!"

I was reminded of when a child is constantly getting in the face of another child while chanting, "I'm not touching you!" just to provoke a reaction and then claim innocence. So transparent. So childish.

But, men fall for it.

PrestigiousStatus933 · 2025-06-15T11:22:28+00:00

Don't call her, don't text her, don't visit her physically. She'll keep evidence, tracks, screenshots, surveillance videos, probably even recording your calls. Treat everything as a possible threat or a bait to gaslight you or trigger you. She'll wait by every corner with some new trap just to get more trash on you for her court drama. It takes enormous amounts of patience but you have no choice. Remain unbothered and always be polite and respectful in case someone is watching.

Dry_Yogurt2458 · 2025-06-15T10:11:08+00:00

I wish whoever her next victim is the best of luck

He will need it.

If I found out that she was dating, I would shake the guys hand.

Seabrook76 · 2025-06-15T05:03:36+00:00

Sound advice. Never lose control of your emotions as you’re likely playing into a trap.

2025-06-15T04:46:09+00:00

Well said

MrOtakuDad2u · 2025-06-15T04:42:46+00:00

Truth

Title	Don't lose your cool.
Author	redditrock56
Upvotes	110
Comments	27
Date	June 15, 2025 4:39 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1lbrwzl/dont_lose_your_cool/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-lose-your-cool.1554860 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554860

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