Empty

studley1337 · 2023-09-14T23:14:58+00:00

I know exactly how you feel.

My wife and I had never had a serious argument or fight during our relationship. Day before she told me she didn’t love me anymore and turned into a completely different person we had an IVF appointment. We were planning vacations, home improvements, actively trying to convince.

After that she completely shut me out like we didn’t spend every day together for 9 years. Told me “she deserved better” and some horrible shit that you’d think we had the worst relationship on earth. She hasn’t reached out once and it’s been 4 months.

I’ve had some incredibly dark days and I didn’t think it was possible to be as soul crushingly sad as I was.

I still miss my wife too but know that you deserve better. There are couples who work incredibly hard through horrible moments to stay together. You deserve someone who would never want to leave you.

Hang in there bud. Send me a message if you ever want to talk because I really do know how you feel.

Internal_Echidna5646 · 2023-09-14T23:24:38+00:00

It will pass. It was real. It just that Cluster B's are so flakey they bounce around like morons till they age out of the game and/or everyone gets sick of their nonsense & cuts them off. Then they sometimes move & start all over again repeating the same behaviors. Don't sell yourself short or think it meant nothing. But try & move on & don't get sucked back in because their cycles will repeat indefinitely. Took me about 3 times to figure it out, & maybe I still haven't. But I no longer have any delusions about things. Was never married but dealt with alot of the things talked about here because we shared custody of kids.

Check out BPDlovedones sub if you haven't and after a while of reading multiple posts things will start to click & you will realize many things are so common it's scary. If your ex was a smoke show it will probably unfortunately last a long time because she will be able to attract ppl constantly.

Gattsama · 2023-09-15T03:27:00+00:00

Sorry you are going through the BS and drama. Highly suggest you get the paperback or audiobook "Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist" by Margalis Fjelstad. It really helped me!

Whether she has a personality disorder or not, your pain is real, and her choices come from a place of dysfunction. It sounds like BS, but you need to talk to some trained to help, start working out, and then learn / study cluster B traits.

You are not the first guy that had been through this (and you won't be the last). Thousands have come before you. Trust us when we say that we made it through, and you can too. It's going to suck and take work / focus. But your best life lays ahead of you; not behind you with the broken women that you married.

I was simping hard during most of the marriage and very codependent. Moved out for 5 days in 2019 and just cried, horrible anxiety and guilt. I slept the first 3 days in a row away from the crazy.

As hard as this might sound you want to maintain no contact. You are literally withdrawing from the relationship. This group can help, but seek some professional help too.

My life has only improved out of the marriage. Ultimately we we not workable, the relationship was not safe and I was slowly dying. I'm still cleaning stuff up, but so much more peaceful and stress free.

Be save out there...

Friendly-Maximum9412 · 2023-09-15T12:06:55+00:00

You're not alone.

I don't think the disordered can love in the same way you do, and they don't move through the stages of loss like you do either. They can't get past the anger stage, and carry grudges for decades.

I feel like you'll know when you're almost healed when you can stop focusing on understanding how the disordered think. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to understand crazy.

I'm glad it was only an 8 year lesson for you and wasn't lifelong. Eight years of deceit is still a tough pill to swallow. Mine was 20.

GreenUse1398 · 2023-09-15T08:26:50+00:00

She loved you. Love is weird, everybody has these different definitions, and tbh I find it an irritant when people criticise others for not loving them "correctly", I love my cat and I love my ex, the only difference is I wanted to have sex with one and not the other.

(but enough about my weird relationship with my cat).

Women have different pressures than us. They get a few short years in which they gots to make babies, and when they do makes em, they're literally carrying around a human being inside their body that's going to burst out of them. Then they got at least 18 years of caring for that practically helpless creature. It makes them act in ways that are weird to us, just as we act in ways that are weird to them.

I know what you mean about missing your ex. Even when she's unreasonable beyond all comprehension, I still miss my friend, I miss hearing her female patter, miss the way she used to laugh at my lame jokes.

Dismal_Elevator_110 · 2023-09-15T00:02:00+00:00

yes we all have been damaged but remember who betrayed you who she is and just say fuck You to her cheating ways

ciscopimp2 · 2023-09-15T11:21:33+00:00

I'll take the other side of that. I'm actually looking forward to the holidays and reconnecting with my family because it was such a struggle dealing with having to feed her narcissistic supply for every holiday.

I was empty while married to her. Now I get to fill that void with family!

Acrobatic_Access_905 · 2023-09-15T17:27:50+00:00

I'm right here with you, brother. Seven years married, ten together, she's been gone for 14 months. She cheated and then told me she never loved me. Tried to stage a marital rape and called the police, but that failed. Now she's trying to ruin me in every other way.

l3tsR0LL · 2023-09-14T22:51:20+00:00

Damn dude. Hang in there.

Find a therapist online or in real life. I resisted for YEARS and finally made the call when I was in the darkest place I have ever been. Still messed up, but am seeing a path to a better future after only a few phone calls with a therapist.

I was "being a man" and swallowing my feelings. But now I'm telling everyone to find help!

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2023-09-15T20:05:38+00:00

It's because what she did to you that has you feeling that way if you love a person like her than you really need to work on loving yourself

BlessedAF-FR · 2023-09-15T06:21:02+00:00

🫂

MGTOWManofMystery · 2023-09-15T22:48:33+00:00

Get laid. Find a hobby. Travel. Don't wallow in self-pity.

LonelyDadbod4U · 2023-09-17T03:13:47+00:00

Trauma bonding — you will heal through it. Get some hobbies and explore your new options.

I would rather adjust to her absence than be frustrated by her presence. Stay strong .
This too will pass …

Title	Empty
Author	rubber_duck_7
Upvotes	29
Comments	21
Date	September 14, 2023 10:40 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16iwbzu/empty/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/empty.1231880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231880

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