Feeling low today

Pleasant-Mechanic-49 · 2025-10-27T08:04:31+00:00

⚠️DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE⚠️ unless u have a lawyer-approved agreement is in place or legally advised/forced to do so (you lawyer or judge decision).

Once you're out, she becomes the primary caregiver by default. You're suddenly the "weekend dad." or "walking purse"
Her 👹lawyer might tell her to drag this divorce out for years for Free housing and financial support
BUT If you stay, she'll want to speed up the divorce
Worst case: You pay for a house while she brings in the new BF (real example: Sarah Jane parkinson bring home his BF with his 3 kids)
Don't fall for her suggestion, claiming it's better for everyone/kids. She will only benefit it. Remember, kids often recall the parent who left
🚨 If she to forces you out, demand financial compensation or virtual rent since you're still paying for the property & need to pay another rent. This makes her think twice about exploiting the situation.

Remember: Your goal is to be an equal parent, not a 🏰Disneyland Daddy in your kid's life. Stand your ground

Only exception: If she's violent or has mental issues, and you're at risk of bogus domestic violence accusations & & TRO strike( i.e. a judge telling you to get out).. If

MrsManglesBangles · 2025-10-23T11:46:43+00:00

I'm in a similar boat, living with STBXW until divorce goes through in Feb. We're amicable and it was a mutual separation as there was/is no spark (no kids).

Exactly the same thoughts as you, what is she doing, who's she chatting to etc. but I feel that's normal... There's concern and care there for our ex wives. I'd rather not know so looking forward to selling the house although expect that will bring with it it's own challenges.

As others have said, you didn't mess things up, things haven't worked out how they'd intended but you can come out of this healthy and happy it will just take a bit of time and adjustment.

Suspicious_Dot6179 · 2025-10-23T08:10:00+00:00

This is the WORST time, worse than death, but it gets ALOT better. Also you could not have messed it up alone, it takes 2 to sink a marriage. Perhaps she should move out if she can't respect the process

47omek · 2025-10-23T02:40:42+00:00

Do NOT move out without a custody order signed by a judge! Come up with a BS story why you can't on Sunday. What she does is nothing for you to worry about from now on. All that matters now is preserving your relationship with your child and getting out of this as financially whole as you can. Moving out gives her your house, your child 100% of the time, probably your money after she files for massive temporary "child" support, and no you - what incentive does she have to reach a reasonable settlement if she has all of that?

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-10-23T02:09:26+00:00

Sorry this is happening to you. Please keep your dignity and self respect and don't beg for her to come back.
If you can move out and not loose anything legally it will probably shortcut your healing by a bit of time because cohabitating with your ex can leave you with a lot more trauma.

This might be the hardest thing you will ever have had to over come but stay stoic and strong. Be a man, reflect and learn. Sit with your emotions, they will come and go like a rollercoaster but in time it will all fade and you will be better off.

parkinglot_thnksalot · 2025-10-23T00:05:56+00:00

This is no doubt a tough time. Keep a clear head by avoiding alcohol, staying active, staying active with your kids, think about the future. I promise it will pass and not feel so bad. I’m a year past what you are experiencing. It feels hopeless and it hurts. Let some tears fall if you need to. Just keep building yourself little by little

Bagman220 · 2025-10-22T22:38:04+00:00

Do you have kids? It’s always recommended that you never move out, never move out!

Mysterious_Bet_461 · 2025-10-22T22:02:51+00:00

Putting some space between you and her is important. It doesn’t matter what she is doing - the ‘she’ you care about…and the ‘her’ you have feelings for doesn’t exist anymore.

The absolute hardest thing to do is to stop treating your ex, and thinking about your ex, like you would your wife. Go to counseling (cause family and friends will only hear you out for so long - they all have their own problems) and take a moment to mourn your marriage and reflect on her behavior.

At one point, I was like a lovesick little puppy over my ex…and I never stopped to evaluate whether or not ‘who’ she had become was actually worth that level of dedication. I know it sounds crazy, but I took vows with a totally different version of her…the person she is today still had my love and affection, but only ‘by default’ - after constant lies, cheating and what developed into a really unhealthy avoidance problem on her part, our marriage was not something I should have fought so hard to save.

Just had to be honest with myself and air my grievances out loud - that really changed everything.

So, I know the situation may be killing you, but…’should’ it be killing you? And is she really the best thing that ever happened to you?

ClippedWinng · 2025-10-22T22:02:49+00:00

I am still living with my stbxw and will probably until the divorce is finalized. The first couple of weeks, I was considering moving out but got advice from a buddy who had gone through a divorce not to leave. After some crying, therapy, and antidepressants, I am so much happier knowing she will be mostly out of my life soon. I can do this prison sentence. No problem since I'm looking ahead.

I do my best to ignore her while we're both at home.

You got this. Love yourself

Mister_Vandemar · 2025-10-22T21:50:46+00:00

It gets better. It’s going to suck for a while, and you have my sympathies, but it will get better.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-10-22T20:41:47+00:00

My guy, DONT worry about what she’s doing. You’re gonna have to get used to it. It’s hard because your instinct is of course you’re worried, it’s your wife! But you’re gonna have to move on, And you’ll be better off for it!

serkovavantgarden · 2025-10-22T20:34:42+00:00

Mate she checked out a year ago which is why she has no qualms with regards to getting her backside panned in by Chad while you fester at home

She is dead to you now. A ghost.

Have a cry and let it all out but remember while you’re wishing things were rosy again, she is at least 5 moves ahead of you.

Time to go to war mate. This will make or break you.

Regular-Tax8483 · 2025-10-22T20:25:46+00:00

It’s not an easy road. I’m walking it day by day right now. Moving out will be rough, especially when you find yourself alone with your thoughts at night. People will say get back into a hobby and stuff but even that takes time. I’ve found some relief in spending time with close friends, even if it’s just for a hour or so. Don’t turn to alcohol or anything else. If possible, seek some sort of professional counseling.

HyperionAlpha · 2025-10-22T20:24:48+00:00

No you didn't man. You're not the one doing this shit. She is. Pick yourself up. Realize something: the very answer to your question in your own post. What is she doing when she leaves the house late at night? She's getting railed. Do not allow yourself to feel love for such a person. Take that emotion and turn it into what it should be. File tomorrow.

And don't you leave that house. Don't you dare.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-10-22T20:08:45+00:00

I remember that one month of cohabitation during separation, it was hell, like you described.

Also, stop blaming youself. If she left you because of your job, she did you a favor. They'll find any excuse they think it will get to you and blame you for their monkeybranching. If you weren't a drunk, a drug addict, violent or a cheater, it's bs. Seriouslly, you need to snap out of it.

funnyman6979 · 2025-10-22T20:06:55+00:00

This sucks but take a day at a time concentrate on you don’t drink yourself into depression. There will be someone else and will be in the rearview someday. Hang in there.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-10-22T20:00:01+00:00

Completely normal to feel that way. Lean on your close friends and family. Don't bottle the emotions up.

Make sure to take care of your mind, body, and spirit.

carbondog54 · 2025-10-23T17:51:51+00:00

5. Don’t Move Out Right Away. Moving out can look like abandonment, especially in custody battles.

This is serious, guys. If she gives you the bad news, you're not going to be prepared, and you're going to be freaked out. It's a major blow. Major. A lot of guys don't do so well after getting the news. There are way too many stories about guys turning on their wives and doing bad things. Here are five stages of grief:

1. Denial. You can't believe this is happening.

2. Anger. This is the one you need to watch out for. This is where some guys take the wrong turn. They vent their anger physically.

3. Bargaining: If I do this, then she'll take me back. Bargaining is your brain trying to regain control in an uncontrollable situation.

4. Depression: Reality hits, and the weight of the loss sets in. This is where the real emotional processing begins, if you let it.

5. Acceptance: Acceptance is the doorway to rebuilding, not forgetting. You start to find peace with what happened. The ring is off, and you feel great.

Chapter 13. "The Guy's Manual for Surviving Women and Relationships"

Title	Feeling low today
Author	Brokenheartlogic
Upvotes	31
Comments	35
Date	October 22, 2025 7:49 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1odijek/feeling_low_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/feeling-low-today.1564777 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564777

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