Finances

WartimeDad · 2021-07-11T15:10:34+00:00

She’s going to request EVERYTHING. You’re in the financial battle of your life against a conniving opponent who knows everything about you.

It is angering, but you must face this with a clear mind.

Exercise. Treat yourself. Be kind to yourself. Cultivate focus.

Mavik52 · 2021-07-11T16:09:04+00:00

The first thing you need to do is recognize a very clear truth. Nearly every man who has gone through the process discovers this. 95% of the words that come out of her mouth are going to be incorrect, misinterpreted, or flat out lies. You must immediately stop listening to anything she says and focus solely on what she does. If you are like most men you have probably given way to much attention and focus to her words for years so pivoting and learning to observe her behavior and make logical conclusions will not come naturally. There will be many threats she throws out that will sting in the moment, particularly if they are related to finances or kids. You need to immediately in those moments recognize the emotion brewing inside of you, label it so you know what you are feeling, and then remind yourself that she doesn't know anything. Become a master of your emotions and never respond when you are experiencing them. You will lose every time. The greatest weapon a man can take into a divorce is the ability to respond with bold actions taken from clear and logical thinking. Never respond when you are angry. Never make a decision in the moment. Let it sit, feel it, think it through. The more you are able to remain completely stoic in her presence and responding to her, the more likely she is to rev up like the Tasmanian Devil and obliterate everything in her path which will essentially hand you a favorable outcome. Chaos is a woman's nature. Let her unleash it and just step back and watch her unravel herself to the world.

YesAmAThrowaway · 2021-07-11T15:22:12+00:00

You better get a fucking good lawyer and find out what her new man should earn on average in his field. Fight with all of your energy or all of that money will go to that cheap... well, expensive entitled bitch. Remain rational and calm at ALL times. Screenshot all messages. Don't talk about the topic on the phone. Don't show any anger or threats. Anything can and will be used against you.

ShecoMalonia · 2021-07-11T22:23:49+00:00

If you haven't do the following:

Close bank accounts or open a new account and put your money there

Cancel all credit cards

Anything you have her on, REMOVE HER

If you have any of her electronics, go through them and get evidence. If you have passwords to her accounts, you're still married and you should be able to access them too.

Download a phone recorder and record every conversation you have with her AND ask the court to put her on Our Family Wizard Immediately for ALL communications and put all receipts you've had to spend for your kids there

Get a cheap body camera and record every in person interaction you have with her so she can't say you've done or said something

YOU should ask now for emergency custody of the children and sole possession of the family home

IF she is on any car loans, bank loans, keep paying them, do not let it ruin your credit

Above all, DO NOT let her get to you, keep your head level, find a lawyer, a good one, demand to them what you want, and stay on top of them. And whatever you do, DO NOT get a womans' lawyer or one who believes in YOU paying.

And the most important thing, keep doing for your kids, spend time with them, hang out with them, talk with them, do fun free things with them and keep dreaming for yourself and for them.

oli_21_ · 2021-07-11T18:11:13+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this man. As someone who just walked through similar let me give you some pointers and advice to help. I was absolutely blind sided by her cheating. I was involved with my church and on staff at the time....so that made it even crazier. Never would have thought in a million years I would have walked out the last 5-7 years the way I did. I will tell you though as someone that has been finalized for 3 months now.....I'm much much better off than I was before. All the way around. SOURCE

The thing about infidelity....NO ONE thinks it will happen to them. And then you go through it and your world changes. There are great subreddits out there.....this one included. /r/survivinginfidelity is a great help. Affair Recovery channel on YouTube also helped me tremendously.

https://youtube.com/c/AffairrecoveryLLC

I've been helping at least a dozen men walk through what I have and so I'll give you some things I've learned along the way.

Sucks man. Just know you're not alone.

Buckle up. Get your mind right. Settle in.

Many here have been or are where you are.

I was served divorce papers in my own home with my 1 year old in my arms. Wife in the kitchen giddy.

She also had a restraining order as well froze me out of finances.

You gotta keep a cool head right now and get it in your mind this could be be hell.

Prepare for a restraining order. It's is only in place to try and remove you from the home.

I'll just tell you up front as someone that came through a 20 month war prepare your mind to keep your emotions in check now.

I'd keep your answers to her short and to the point. Anything involving your children respond promptly.

Always always keep communication through text or email. I'd also have cameras installed in your home if you don't have them. This is for everyone's protection.

Prepare for a minimum 1.5 year battle. Maybe you'll be fortunate that it won't drag on that long. This is just the way the courts and system operate. This doesn't include her dragging it out and changing things just when you thought it was going to end.

Also I'd prepare for the following.......(not saying they are going to happen but you need to be aware)

From least painful to bone chilling.

Freezes your bank accounts and runs up your credit cards
Order of protection. (restraining order)
Spousal support (alimony) and child support
The A Bomb if she claims molestation or child abuse.

When this ball gets rolling they are capable of everything. If you're prepared for the worst and it doesn't happen....great. If it does happen at least you'll see it coming.

She'll have at least 7-10 female friends\family telling her how to fuck you over and maximize the divorce in her favor.....all the while playing the victim. You can take that to the bank.

And this doesn't even include her lawyer who will be dragging this out as long as they can so they benefit.

Again....prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Now that I've been up front with you......let me give you some positive.....this sub will help and there are plenty of other subs out there that can assist as well. Don't hesitate to ask questions and seek advice. Good luck and all the best!

OriginalFinnah · 2021-07-11T18:05:08+00:00

Make sure you have plenty of proof of the affair for the lawyer you will get everything

awesomeroy · 2021-07-11T18:54:51+00:00

May the lord bless your soul, there’s a long long road ahead bro.

henrysmyagent · 2021-07-12T01:41:14+00:00

The central problem with marriage today is you are legally and contractually bound for life to a woman who can break the contract on a whim AND she walks away with cash and prizes.

All while another man raises your kids...and you have to pay for all of it!

I recommend marriage to every man I hate.

pegleg_legal · 2021-07-12T00:52:38+00:00

Make sure you understand all your weapons and how use them. Sounds like you're on the right track from the comments below.

throwawayDquestions · 2021-07-12T22:37:09+00:00

You can rebuild. The same skills you employed to become debt free you take with you. Don’t sweat it.

2021-07-14T18:38:09+00:00

If someone showed you how this movie would end at the beginning you wouldn’t have believed them ? Or would you ? Haha 😂 lol She took you for a ride then trapped and Zapped you at the same Damn time !

ArtisticLeap · 2021-07-12T12:21:07+00:00

In general, I'm very pro-child support. I think it's important that people pay to support their children when they leave a marriage. But the way its routinely handled in this country is appalling. My ex makes slightly less than me, but more than twice the median family income for our area. And she's fighting for sole custody. If she wins, not only do I lose the chance of seeing my son at least half the time, but I also get to pay her for the privilege. She doesn't need the money. We already split child expenses 50/50.

I don't want the divorce to go to trial. The court doesn't want it (they made us take a coparenting course that emphasized settling out of courts). I've tried to negotiate something reasonable. But at this point it's going to trial. I have nothing to lose. I'll probably get joint custody which will save me money in the long run. So who cares if it costs $50k to defend myself? I'd have to pay her that in child support.

Title	Finances
Author	TheBoyBand
Upvotes	34
Comments	53
Date	July 11, 2021 2:55 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/oi5wk6/finances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finances.816531 https://theredarchive.com/post/816531

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