Today was supposed to be the day we sat down respectfully to talk about parenting arrangements for the kids.

She wanted her brother and her father there. I was okay with her dad because I had also asked for him to be there to help keep things calm, but I said her brother was unnecessary. It took a lot just to get that point across, but in the end her brother stayed out of it.

When we finally sat down, she came in very aggressive, angry, and accusing me of things like threatening and abusing her over the last two months. When I asked her to give even one proper example, she couldn’t. One of the things she came back with was that she’s “not washing my clothes anymore,” which honestly says a lot about the level of the discussion.

Her proposal was that for the first two months after I move out, I would have the kids 3 days a week with no sleepovers at all. I found that really unreasonable.

My proposal was gradual and structured:

• first 2 weeks: 3 days a week, no sleepovers  • next 2 weeks: 1 sleepover plus more time together  • then gradually moving toward 4 nights one week and 3 nights the other

To me that is a much more organised and child-focused approach.

She kept saying she is the primary carer, that I’ve done basically nothing, and that the kids won’t cope. I strongly disagree. I also feel she has made it harder over time by not letting me do things like bedtime routines consistently, so then it gets used against me later as if I’m incapable.

She also raised a lot of bizarre stuff, including saying I’ve been walking around shirtless in the house “flexing my body,” which gives you an idea of how the conversation was going.

She then pushed for full financial disclosure right there. I said we should finish the parenting discussion first, then deal with finances after, but she kept pressing it.

Another thing she used against me was that I went away for 2 nights to the Gold Coast with a mate during school holidays. For context, my business partner had been seriously injured and away for 3 months, and once he came back I asked her if she was okay with me going. She actually encouraged me to go, and when I asked if it would later be used against me, she said no.

What is also confusing me is that in earlier messages she had talked about us trying to build a friendship after separation, but when I asked about that now she said she had changed her mind. She had also said in messages that she was okay with 50/50 shared care, but what she is proposing now looks nothing like that.

That is part of why I feel blindsided. The last 2 months of living together had actually been going pretty well. Then after I got back from the holiday, her whole attitude changed and I felt like I was suddenly dealing with a completely different person.

I also suspect there may be outside influence from a friend of hers, because the way she is speaking now feels very different from how she was speaking before. I know that part is hard to prove, but the shift has been obvious to me.

By the end I said this may have to go through lawyers. Her dad tried to calm it down and said lawyers are a waste of money, but the whole thing was such a mess, with so many accusations and attempts to paint a narrative, that I’m now seriously considering legal advice.

I kept calm the whole time and didn’t react, but I walked away in shock.

My questions are:

1.  Does her proposal sound unreasonable?  2.  Does my gradual plan sound more realistic?  3.  At this point, should I stop trying to work it out directly and go straight to a lawyer?  4.  How much weight do text messages carry if she has previously said she was open to friendship and 50/50 shared care, but is now taking a very different position?

Would appreciate honest advice, especially from anyone who has been through parenting disputes.