Gay men divorcing

drulingtoad · 2022-12-29T07:06:35+00:00

Open to it. Give us the scoop, what's going on

phalo · 2022-12-29T07:15:42+00:00

We're here for you man!

xxbravowhiskey93 · 2022-12-29T07:31:24+00:00

absolutely willing to listen and talk. gay guy here that was in a hetero marriage that (very nastily) fell apart. more than happy to help as i can

CropCircle77 · 2022-12-29T09:12:49+00:00

Sure man, spit it out.

keefhalek · 2022-12-29T16:21:25+00:00

So we've had a rough time together for 18 yrs. He isn't able to be intimate due to childhood trauma. I paid years of therapy (>$30k) and nothing was resolved. He never contributed $$ to the household in a meaningful way working as a waiter most of those years. My career progressed, I got an advanced degreed that I paid for, and now make a good living. He wanted to start a business so I agreed and paid for it. After 8 years with the business he still isn't able to contribute to the household and we are >$100k in debt. 2 years ago he said we should open the relationship because it wasn't fair for me to be without sex. However, he cried through the whole thing and was obviously not happy making that arrangement. So, I didn't do anything again hoping that we could work something out. Nope. Six months ago I finally decided to find intimacy with other men. He initially was ok, then he wasn't, then he was etc. At some point he changed the narrative and decided to tell everyone that our relationship was in trouble because I hang out in bars too much and drink too much. None of that is true. We both drink. We both go to bars. Then in November we went to a wedding. Both drinking all day. I had an incident with a party goer (we were drunk, he was being an asshole to me, I called him out on it). Husband didn't see it but heard from guests that it was my fault. I tried to explain my side of the story but he wouldn't hear it and blamed my "excessive alcohol use" and he therefore knew it was my fault. He was yelling and screaming at me at the bar and said, "I can yell all I want, you won't remember this in the morning." We got home, he continued to yell at me and said, "I've spoken to a divorce lawyer and I'm taking you for everything you have." After months of gaslighting, and then yelling at me all night I finally broke and shoved him out of my face. He's 6' 2" and 300 lbs. btw. No hitting, he didn't fall, he wasn't hurt. But, I did touch him. He called 911 and that was it. In CA there are automatic trigger laws and I spent Sunday 1:30am - Monday 9:30 am in County jail. It was dismissed Monday morning but I was freaked out. I left CA and haven't been back since. Now he's trying to get a Restraining Order against me for that single incident in 18 years. I have a lawyer though and I'm building my narrative to counter his. He even included my dog in the RO. He calls and texts my mom constantly telling her that I have problems and need treatment. He even said he was going to have me "committed" at one point. The gaslighting to me, my family and friends is intense, to put it mildly. My poor mom is 71 and she gets so upset when he says this shit to her. I finally got her to block his text messages. When she talks to me she said, "you sound normal. why is he saying you have all these problems." Anyway, my court date for the RO is next Thursday. I have a good lawyer who will be there to represent me. The same lawyer is going to present him with the divorce request. At the end of the day he gets 50% of my pension, 401k etc. FML. I've worked my whole life to better myself and paid for everything so that he might do the same. He even gets alimony. Jesus. He's 53 and fully capable of working but just hasn't been able to make any money. I keep thinking, why the fuck did I fight for gay marriage? LOL. Ah well.

Jbr74 · 2022-12-29T16:58:14+00:00

I always wondered who the courts would screw over in a male/male marriage, thought maybe they would steal from you both and give it to a random lesbian couple. :)

futureofthefuture · 2022-12-29T08:03:25+00:00

All ears

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-12-29T21:30:12+00:00

We tried to tell you guys you don’t want marriage.

playerknowmore · 2022-12-29T23:16:15+00:00

Dude, a woman posted in here last week, and her post had so much testosterone it nobody cared. I'm going to complain about the wall of text.

The mathematics of divorce is not in your favor. You get half his debt, and he gets half of your everything. You need to check out how milestones affect divorce in your jurisdiction. In a lot of places, twenty years is a forever marriage.

bigtallblacknbald · 2022-12-29T08:12:22+00:00

Definitely! Sorry you’re going through it. What’d going on?

HowManyBobs · 2022-12-29T08:24:34+00:00

All ears brother!!

Mountain_Collar_7620 · 2022-12-29T09:10:42+00:00

Totally .

za_eagle · 2022-12-29T12:56:40+00:00

Here for you. We all suffer the same not matter what.

gunperv51 · 2022-12-29T15:40:04+00:00

You're a guy going through shit with your spouse. Spill.

No_Analyst_5235 · 2022-12-30T02:01:52+00:00

Sorry you are going through this . As others said , get a good attorney and asset protection strategies . What he asks for and what he ends up with won’t be the same . How you act and proceed now is important .

He is also weaponizing anything he could . Your mother , alcohol use, law enforcement. Things you could control like alcohol use should stop. Don’t give him the ammo,. Instead wait for him to implode or get caught in lies.

You are going to replay in your head everything you did for him and nothing he did for you and you are going to seethe . Try not to let it eat at you . I know it’s tough.

Good luck bro

futureofthefuture · 2022-12-29T15:23:38+00:00

I’ve gone through it. Happy to listen and offer advice. Together 15 years, married 10, owned our house for 8. Our negotiations started pretty rocky. He had all the cash money and put up most of the down payment on our house, so he started off saying I should get nothing even though I paid into the mortgage and paid for upgrades with inheritance. I also was going to law school and knew how the law worked in our state. Showed him what a judge could possibly award me ($300k was half of our combined assets) and walked away with 150k cash from him (he bought me out of the property and is keeping it) and lots of housewares/furniture/art and everything I brought into the relationship (Savings/401k/collectibles). We did this through mediation. Oh and he had to pay all costs associated with the divorce.

keefhalek · 2022-12-29T19:00:56+00:00

Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback.

jalopkoala · 2022-12-29T14:42:46+00:00

Here for it

whattodo1216 · 2022-12-29T15:02:02+00:00

Hell yeah brother!

Bitter_Cherry2057 · 2022-12-29T16:51:48+00:00

Sorry to hear that! We’re here to support you in this hard time!

pk2at · 2022-12-30T00:14:30+00:00

As I suggest to all, always check out asset protection strategies prior to divorce. Some or none may work, but disclosing it all unprotected is a sure way to lose big

AttemptScary4550 · 2022-12-30T02:21:56+00:00

Let's hear your story divorce sucks no matter what the situation. Sorry you have to go through this and I hope you have some good support around you.

gnackered · 2022-12-30T04:37:39+00:00

In this putz's defense, marital assets should be split 50/50 - that is what we signed up for when we got the state involved in our relationship.

Alimony, on the other hand. . .

Good luck brother.

Title	Gay men divorcing
Author	keefhalek
Upvotes	29
Comments	38
Date	December 29, 2022 6:54 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zxyk3o/gay_men_divorcing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/gay-men-divorcing.1145377 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145377

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