Going too Fast?

ROCTB17 · 2024-04-03T18:03:57+00:00

Best advice I can give you is let it happen. Give her what she thinks she wants, the divorce and her boss and peacefully move on to working on yourself and focusing on your kids. Your attorney will make sure any settlement is fair. Any direct communication right now is only going to create more bad feelings. Let this happen today for a brighter tomorrow. Don’t let anger, resentment and bitterness be the emotions that control your actions.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-03-30T19:20:13+00:00

You're confused. Divorce is a business transaction. Stop caring about emotions. Get it done so you can get on with your life.

berzerker5000 · 2024-03-30T15:02:05+00:00

You can continue in mediation and argue no spousal maintenance due to her affair and threaten jf she doesn’t agree you’ll go to trial. As long as you got some receipts you can totally embellish that shit to make her look bad. Can even argue for a disproportionate asset split due to her infidelity if you can tell the story right and have some evidence to back it.

DivorceRecoveryMen · 2024-03-30T14:24:24+00:00

What she agreed to and what she does on her time and you worrying about it is a waste of time. You can't people do what they don't want to do. You'll learn in time not to care about what she does. Take all that energy you are using on her and use it on your healing. You can't take care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself. 'Slow the process down'? - Nope! the emotions are not related to the speed of the divorce but directly related to how long the shitstorm last. See counseling or what you have to do to get control of your emotions because you need to make sound decisions during this time. Happiness without her is not overrated. Worry about yourself, get the shitstorm over and be the best father you can be. That's all that matters.

theFlockanAguy · 2024-03-30T03:31:34+00:00

Thanks for the feedback, gang!

Evil twin- since I called her out, it's as if my wife has passed and an evil twin has taken over her body. I do grieve over the loss of my wife.
Karma- she's a big believer in it. I hope to God I'm around to see her get hers.
What doesn't kill you...- we were all set to easily pay for my twins' college out of cash flow and then put the gas to the last years pre-retirement. Now, all security is off the table. It's not obvious now, but I'll figure it out.

As we tell our kids, it's our response to challenges that matters. I hope I'm setting the proper example for my kids.

They still want to believe their mom too (i.e. difference of opinion on what actually happened), but I trust they'll figure it out on time. Hopefully, the collateral damage to them doesn't leave them too scarred for their future relationships.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-03-30T02:59:51+00:00

The likelihood of success of mediation is so low that, in most cases, it's just a tick the box thing. That said, prepare well and have your settlement positions and bottom lines staked out clearly, with your lawyer being clearly informed. If she comes in making ridiculous demands, ultra-lowball counter or just end the mediation by walking out.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-03-29T23:00:58+00:00

Fast track, do not slow down. She’s in an affair fog and not focused on the divorce you need to take advantage of that. The emotions will not simmer down, if anything she will grow more vindictive as time passes and find more ways to nickel & dime you.

needanewone2559 · 2024-03-29T22:33:16+00:00

You don't get in trouble at work for being friends, even really good friends. You get in trouble for fucking your boss and your boss gets in trouble for fucking their employee. Sorry if that was a little too blunt but sometimes it's best to not beat around the bush.

That being said, as ohers have pointed out, she's in the happy.nee relationship fog and thinks will stay that way. She doesn't need to worry about getting as much from you because she thinks she'll be getting everything from new guy. Let her keep thinking that and cut her loose while she still thinks like that. Relationships that start off like that rarely last long so it's best to get out while the getting is good. From what I've seen with my own divorce and from other men on here, ex-wives don't get calmer and more giving with time. They only get angrier and more bitter even if they're the ones that caused the divorce. You don't want to negotiate with someone like that. You want someone who is happy and just wants that new man. Speed is good.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-03-29T22:08:57+00:00

Take advantage of the affair fog. Tell her you can see how happy she is and try to extract the most from her, try to get everything. Use her shame as a bargaining chip. For instance, "I won't share the details of the affair with anyone if you let me keep house/401K/savings/etc". You have a limited window because as soon as the affair is done with and she comes to is gonna realize what's happening and will either want to get back with you or get her fair share in the divorce.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-03-29T21:56:37+00:00

My divorce will be finalized in a week or two. The process was started on February 26th of this year. Faster the better imo

Independent_Farm_628 · 2024-03-29T21:51:58+00:00

OP

Do NOT slow the process down. You can always get together post divorce but the sooner you move now the better divorce terms your wife will give you. If she is still in the fog of affair, she will want to formalize it fast and will be prepared to concede more than she needs to.

Do you live in an at fault state?

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-03-29T21:30:04+00:00

If you get what you want in mediation, run with it. If you think delaying this will somehow change her mind you are crazy.

Here’s two truths. If they ever come back:

It’s only when you are completely done with them. (Trust me, you won’t want her back.)
It’s with their tail between their legs. (Their life sucks, you are plan B.)

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-03-29T21:16:08+00:00

Do you have proof of affair? Depending on your state it could help you with outcome

If

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-03-29T21:16:02+00:00

Do you have proof of affair? Depending on your state it could help you with outcome

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-03-29T20:58:37+00:00

AS FAST AS PoSSIBLE

lobotomizedjellyfish · 2024-03-29T20:57:12+00:00

Beware of the Trickle Truth!!

If you're wondering if it worse than what she's admitted to - Yes. Yes it is.

stent00 · 2024-03-29T20:55:32+00:00

She's got new dic and is in affair fog as stated..perfect time to act quick while her defences are down.

stent00 · 2024-03-29T20:55:23+00:00

She's got new dic and is in affair fog as stated..perfect time to act quick while her defences are down.

stent00 · 2024-03-29T20:55:17+00:00

She's got new dic and is in affair fog as stated..perfect time to act quick while her defences are down.

domo_roboto · 2024-03-29T20:48:20+00:00

She will get her come upptance one day but leave that aside. I don't think you’re moving too fast but you should try to read her emotions. Ultimately you want her to be in a state where your proposals or wants will be heard and not knee-jerked. Let her lead if that's the way she feels some semblance of control. Whatever you do, try to keep it from escalating.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2024-03-29T20:43:29+00:00

Go faster. She’s in the affair fog and wants this marriage over so she can go live her best life

Let her. Focus on you mental and physical health and parenting your kids.

I filed 5 years ago and was 24 years into a marriage with an 18’year old and 15 year old twins. So, I know where you’re at. Fuck that bitch and just incase you don’t know - they’ve been fucking for a while.

Title	Going too Fast?
Author	theFlockanAguy
Upvotes	14
Comments	51
Date	March 29, 2024 8:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1bqymus/going_too_fast/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/going-too-fast.1513580 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513580

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