Hurts a lot

Theedon · 2022-12-06T04:58:09+00:00

Here is something to think about. When the paper work is over, when you are back on you own, things will get better. There will be days it doesn't seem that way. But it does happen. You will go to bed one night and the next morning feel ok. There are steps you need to follow to get to this place. There is work you need to do. You can do it and be better for it. Don't let hate, anger and fear rule you. Love yourself, love your children and forgive those that have wronged you.

rhett342 · 2022-12-06T04:40:18+00:00

I've got no advice for you, friend, but just wanted to say you're not alone or in a unique situation. I think alot of us feel how you do.

VegasZac · 2022-12-06T11:08:36+00:00

Hang in there man. I caught mine cheating last October. Sleepless nights, couldn’t eat, felt paralyzed. I’m pretty even-keel naturally so it was quite a shock to not be able to snap myself out of it. Do the gym. Even when you don’t want to. Stop looking at social media - it’s trash anyway. What’d you do before her that you don’t anymore? For me it was riding motorcycles… so I went and bought one and hit the road when I can. 2 kids I have 50% of the time so not a ton of free time but I take advantage when I can.

It can and does get better. But you’ve got to take some steps to make it happen. I’m at a point where I think about being with my ex and I can’t believe I was ever attracted to her. I guess she’s still physically attractive if I think of it objectively but her behavior just grosses me out at this point. You mentioned young kids… be the Dad they need right now. It’ll help you on your journey too. You can do it, and you’re (sadly) far, far from alone in this. Tons of us out here.

Small_Quarter_3673 · 2022-12-06T08:44:40+00:00

Do yourself a favor and stop looking at pictures or find out what she is doing. It doesn't help you even if she was struggling without you. She might be out but you never know what she is thinking in her head . Try and keep busy day to day and read and listen to things that help you. Nothing is permanent in life. A lot of us man live with our thoughts even if we have someone. At least you experienced marriage even if it didn't end the way you might have wanted it. Now you get a fresh start and you can have a new life new experiences it's exciting to not know the future

Drew_boo-85 · 2022-12-06T12:46:12+00:00

I know what you are going through man. Mine asked for a divorce about three months ago. I did not see it coming. Yea we had our ups and downs but never crossed my mind that we would be done. I have my good days and bad days ( mostly bad). Constantly thinking the worst and what she is up to. Plus we have an eight year old daughter which is also been super tough. Especially when she is asking things like when are you coming home and what we are going to do for Christmas. Breaks my heart. I know this is not really any advice but just wanted you to know you’re not alone in this. It’s going to be tough but better days are in the future. Stay strong brother.

Gattsama · 2022-12-06T08:33:54+00:00

Sorry you are going through this man. In my case 17 years together, 12+ years married, but no kids and I filed. I would be hit with these waves of guilt and anxiety after I filed. Randomly cry or scream sometimes. Would get better then see some random YouTube video of old couples together, or a TV show talking about how you never give up and fight till the end.

In my case there were several reasons I filed. And during the 1 year it took from separation to divorce she did several things which slowly killed my guilt and worry. And I started doing a LOT of work on me. Why did I pick her, why did I stay, why did I act like such a simp, etc.

Don't know you situation, but maybe consider this is a good thing. It is good that someone that does not want to be with you is choosing to leave, so you are free to improve your life and maybe find someone better. I decided to focus on being physically fit, emotionally fit, mentally fit and financial fit. The biggest focus in my life with the relations and family, now I don't have that I really don't know what my mission is... So I'm just going to give myself to the grind. Work on unfucking myself. Become a better man. Really decide what I want in life and the people I want to be with. Learn to set better boundaries with people. Be open and vulnerable with women.

I can not control or change her. But I can control and change me. The only things in this world I can control are my own thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions. And I choose to be the best possible version of me possible and live my best life possible. I can not image what it's like to not have your kids daily in your life. But for me stoic philosophy helps a lot. And so does working out a lot and regular. The exercise is also a mood stabilizer.

Things will get better. Stay safe man...

deadlast5 · 2022-12-06T19:30:50+00:00

You probably felt an immense weight lift when she initiated it. Now you’re in the throws. It does get easier and eventually gets better. We’ve been there and we know your pain.

Invest in yourself and your happiness.

michaelrhodes1977 · 2022-12-06T04:51:53+00:00

I'm sorry man, I've been there. It's been 3 and a half years for me. I took all that pain and turned it into a positive by starting a podcast. It's all about Divorce and more specifically, for men going through Divorce. If you check my profile you'll see my website that has links to the podcast a long with other things I'm doing to try and help us get through this, Discord server, web site, and local groups. You will be ok, I promise.

captainchippsixx · 2022-12-07T02:24:01+00:00

Just don’t keep it all in. Tell both families what exactly is going on. Don’t let her have a bs narrative. Put the light on it for everyone to see. Let he explain her shitty actions while still married with kids.

Btw, she went quickly to going out, it started way before you saw the pictures man.

4rdfun · 2022-12-07T03:47:08+00:00

10 Toxic Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdB0NY9JmUY

Agitated-Fee-6497 · 2022-12-06T05:27:23+00:00

I was there about a year ago. I had some pretty dark nights. Temporarily I had to go on some sleep meds for a couple months because I wasn't sleeping. I didn't want to do it but I'm glad I did because that was the bridge that helped my body heal was getting the sleep that I needed to function. I went 3 days and nights without sleeping and I wasn't even tired and I knew I had to do it. Now almost a year later I'm about 80% better....may never be 100% ...but life did go on.

Beamformer · 2022-12-06T06:03:13+00:00

I was wrecked two months ago. I have good days regularly now. Hang in there.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2022-12-06T06:10:27+00:00

Her idea but I definitely didn't have an issue till recently.

Can you elaborate on this?

broakie212 · 2022-12-06T10:59:44+00:00

It gets better over time. Give time to time. Re find who you use to be re connect to the guy you were before her. Listen to music reach out to friends enjoy you time.

Small-University-875 · 2022-12-06T11:02:01+00:00

Sorry to hear that you're going through it. Mine is just about wrapped up, she still lives here at home which makes it harder for me to move forward, especially since she also initiated. I deactivated my Facebook account, which I honestly haven't even missed once. It's not something I really used other than for messenger, which you can still used with a deactivated account. Maybe that would help you so you're not seeing those pictures of what he is doing? I don't know the story behind her guy friends, but I am a believer that men and women can't be "just friends" and any guy friend is sticking around for his shot at it when he gets the chance.

To me it sounds like the reality of it hasn't hit you until now. I kind of just went through that last week. She's closing on her own place soon, I've been thinking about how life will be moving forward. I obviously wanted to start a family and do it all "normal" with a partner, and now that is being taken from me. We still have 50/50 time with the kids 2 and 4 years old. I joined a new gym last week and already feel like my stress has gone down tenfold. If you aren't working out I highly suggest it. Also don't be shy to seeking help from a counselor or therapist. I have been seeing a therapist for most of this year and it is very good to be able to let it all out and have someone listen and also validate you.

whatamoniker1 · 2022-12-06T14:12:45+00:00

Get busy focusing on you and improving yourself. You will be far too distracted to worry about her after a while

Ever-learning271 · 2022-12-06T15:54:54+00:00

Sorry to hear that you are going through this hell; focus on you—self-care is a must, focus on your kids….hurts to say, but she is gone, she made her choice already! She’s someone else and you will see that someday, you WILL be happy again! Good Luck❤️‍🩹

steak-and-avocado · 2022-12-06T22:41:35+00:00

So sorry. Two things I am relying on: staying healthy, and seeing friends.

Title	Hurts a lot
Author	Gleipnir9
Upvotes	22
Comments	47
Date	December 6, 2022 3:48 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/zdubft/hurts_a_lot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/hurts-a-lot.1142739 https://theredarchive.com/post/1142739

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