I’m not a bad man…

SituationOptimal · 2025-11-20T01:48:48+00:00

Time. Time changes everything. Doesn’t ease your pain now, but just know, that life can be long, and what goes around, will surely come back around. Best of luck, man.

Spiritual-Street2793 · 2025-11-19T06:17:00+00:00

What's her background like? Parents with a few divorces? Daddy issues? Is this her 2nd marriage?

I did the same: cleaning, dinners, kid duties, helpful husband stuff. When we were married, she bought a new car, and when I was on a work trip, she called asking where the gas tank button was. She had the car for 6 months and I filled it every time. The short answer is there's never enough you can do for these people. You're better off alone than with the ultimate TAKER. That's all they know, and it's all they do.

Tall_Lavishness3801 · 2025-11-18T23:03:42+00:00

Dude.....

You won. You GET to stay home with your kids. You GET to not be married to that shitty lady anymore.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-11-17T22:15:43+00:00

Because at the end of the day you answered your own question already. Women are materialistic. He bought her happiness and gives her shiny things. She chose that over her family.

This is your opportunity to be a good dad and raise your kids. Do all the things they need to be happy. Don’t worry about her because she’s either going to move to the next guy that has even more money and shiny things, or run out her usefulness to this guy.

She’s also helped to show you how to watch out for the type of women like her. Let her go and find your happiness without her.

bentmeat · 2025-11-16T23:06:49+00:00

I am going through the exact same here. I just found out 2 days ago. It was devastating. Emotional murder. We are married for nad been together for 12 years. I did all what I can for her and for our family just like you. I never cheat nor have the guts to talk to another woman. I sacrificed a lot of things for her and for our family. Took her first child as my own even for 12 years.

Yet despite all of these, she chose to get pregnant with another guy she just met on a dating app. Just like that, everything's gone.

I don't know where to start, what to do now. I am not rich, I have no savings, I have kids to feed and bills to pay. I am alone now.

Equivalent_Ad_3347 · 2025-11-16T21:27:42+00:00

You will quickly found out that you won. You are not stuck at home with the kids. You get the privilege of building a bond with them that will last a lifetime. They will get older and more independent. And though it may not seem like it now, they will note the difference in priorities between. you and your former spouse. They will note she left to try to create the "fabulous" life, which we all know is empty. She will live to regret her decision, but that is not your focus. You get to decide what the rest of your life looks like. So, cry a bit, let it burn, then thank God for the closed door that gives you the opportunity to rebuild.

No-Dream512 · 2025-11-16T20:10:21+00:00

Because she is a selfish arsehole. Mine was the same as are 90% of the wives discussed here.

I know it's hard but you will never understand why

falcon0221 · 2025-11-16T16:42:51+00:00

They don’t think like we do. Consistency, Fidelity, Reciprocation, Integrity. These are foreign words to them. It’s always what we can do for them and not what we can do for each other. When they push us to the brink and fully grind us down; when we are nothing but a husk trying to prove our love… there is another ready to take our place. They don’t care. They don’t feel empathy. It’s a joke to them. They played us all along. They could have just stayed away. But their temporary gratification was more important than our wellbeing. It was never love, just an illusion that they wanted us to see.

IAPiratesFan · 2025-11-16T14:14:19+00:00

Yep, I tried so hard to be a good husband and an involved father and it was never good enough for her. Now when I have the kids, I return them with clean clothes, having them take showers/baths right before going home to her and full from the most recent meal. I do my best to keep them active with outside activities, I make sure they have quiet reading time and I have looked up ways to help children develop healthy lifelong habits. Not that she appreciates any of that.

mrfun2001 · 2025-11-16T04:03:30+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I went through the same exact thing. I have three kids too. Time with them is the most valuable thing I have. It seems to be a social contagion. A warped view of feminism. It’s probably some things you could’ve done better too. But ultimately, marriage is over if one person says it is. I believe you are a good husband. Focus on being a good father. As hard as it is for you, it’s hard on the kids too. They need you.

OldGuyNewTrix · 2025-11-16T03:45:51+00:00

I’m in 1.5 years post divorce and still feel this pain, and I know I was good to her, and I know she is selfish and decided what to do that was best for her in her eyes. We talked about breaking generational cycles like you did, but nope. I mean I held my end of the bargain and never called her a bitch or any sort of derogatory name. As I saw at a young age how much that hurt my mother, and promised myself I wouldn’t be that. I also told her I didn’t feel lots of love, which left me feeling unworthy of love as a kid. All that was enough though. Her promises were empty, and how much she really cares for our kids shows by her action.

The only advice I can give, is to just feel the emotions you’re feeling, while realizing you’re not the issue here. It’s 100 her. She chose different not because of anything you did wrong. She’s just unfortunately being selfish.

It’s a new trend I’m seeing in today’s marriages. I think there’s a mixture of things happening out of our control and it’s unfair, and life’s been that way a lot recently. The 2 things I think that contribute to the rise in not just divorces, but specifically women iniated divorces. Thing 1: Women have children, and sometimes after 1, 2 or 3 their hormones have gone through so much transformation they literally become different people. Thing 2: #prowoman, feminism, and all this gender focus have pushed this movement too far. My ex wife showed me a couple tiktoks on her feed that obviously knew she was thinking divorce, and it was life coaches advocating and encouraging women to leave marriages for any reason. They tell them they don’t need man, as they do everything anyways. It’s a toxic movement that fuels the fire

Negative_Reveal811 · 2025-11-16T02:14:35+00:00

Similar story here with me mate. Except I left because she thought it was acceptable to assault me in front of our three young children. Silver lining you still can see your kids.

Your ex is going to be in for a rude shock. I doubt her new guy will be doing half of what you were. You deserve better man. As hard as it is move forward, you’ll find someone who appreciates you and doesn’t drop you like a sack of shit.

HealthHelpReddit · 2025-11-16T01:35:40+00:00

You are a good man. She is shit. She does not deserve you.

probebeta · 2025-11-15T21:45:18+00:00

The guy you lost her to is seeing a single mom with 3 kids. Let that be motivation to improve yourself and live a better life.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-11-15T19:51:56+00:00

You are good man and deserve better. Don’t let her influence your thoughts to question yourself. Don’t give her any power over you. You are not stuck at home with your 3 kids. That is a gift to be there no matter her decisions. Btw if the guy dumps her, don’t take her back.

UnrulyAnteater25 · 2025-11-15T18:09:15+00:00

Something missing from your post is love. Was there love and affection or were you just good life partners?

kumest · 2025-11-15T17:45:27+00:00

We man cannot make a woman happy. If you had money, there would be something else, and so one and so on.

Last year I heard a quote from a friend, I take it for life:

A wife cannot see her man happy, if hes happy something happens to her, something they cannot control, as ifs burning and they get desperate to finish hes happiness, even without reason.

It's probably something like 'how you dear to be happy without me being the reason!'

Competitive-Show-955 · 2025-11-15T13:53:20+00:00

I'm sorry that happened to you. You sacrificed so much to do what you thought was right. And you've done it all while she effed off. Your children will look to you as the one who was there, who cared enough about them to show up while their mom whored around town. Hold your head up. You're awesome.

StoicSchwanz · 2025-11-15T13:48:12+00:00

It's not you and what you are seeing may not be reality. Time invested in your children is a force multiplier and your kids will remember that. What you had in a relationship is gone and it's time for you to move on and be happy. What is it that will make you truly content? If you don't know then go find it.

You get one shot at life, don't spend it being bitter looking back. Plot your path forward, love your children, and most importantly, love yourself.

Title	I’m not a bad man…
Author	AgitatedDetective104
Upvotes	49
Comments	30
Date	November 15, 2025 9:23 AM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1oxndjp/im_not_a_bad_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/im-not-a-bad-man.1566554 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566554

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