Immediate life after divorce?

Few_Grab1626 · 2025-11-06T13:55:31+00:00

Groups of men that meet to develop a particular skill. Go there.

I'm doing woodworking at this random trades guild that fortuitously opened nearby (I receive a large discount due to my profession) because I'm going to build a house in 3 years. What did I know of woodworking before then? Eff all. But the guys there are great, and at the end of the day, I have made something tangible.

miket42 · 2025-11-04T16:23:00+00:00

A year? How long does divorce normally take? She just filed on me and I haven't mentally prepared myself for a year of court and lawyers.

PghSubie · 2025-11-04T14:44:01+00:00

Work on yourself first. Trying to dive into a rebound relationship isn't good for anyone. Find those hobbies. Meet people. Make friends. Build a life that you want to share with someone

IcyMycologist4837 · 2025-11-04T07:01:52+00:00

You are actually in a decent spot at 40. It would be much worse at 50s. 40s are great especially if your fit and have a good job and no kids. Don’t waste too much working on yourself. Get out and date. It doesn’t need to be looking for the one. But have fun casual dates. You can date 30s , 40s. Don’t settle but be patient dating around.

Arttt-Vandelay · 2025-11-04T05:44:23+00:00

Same: 40, no kids, divorce finalized 2 weeks ago

Temporary_Practice_2 · 2025-11-04T04:33:05+00:00

Life starts at 40 for men. I have been advising guys in this sub to get Rollo’s book Rational Male. Please do

Fawn001 · 2025-11-04T01:41:01+00:00

After surviving the first year, how does a person find purpose? For me, that seems harder than the survival stage!

upvotersfortruth · 2025-11-04T00:36:32+00:00

You should always work on yourself. 40s are great years. In terms of women, figure out what you're looking for and avoid falling into a serious relationship quickly. Reject and be rejected. Once you get through a few of those, you will have more clarity.

Factastical · 2025-11-04T00:28:50+00:00

A year is immediate? What? That means I am flash in recovery post divorce?

IAPiratesFan · 2025-11-04T00:07:09+00:00

You're lucky you don't have children. They would have made this whole thing a lot more painful and complicated, believe me.

Otherwise just take care of yourself, date when you feel ready, don't date if you don't want to, if you have parents spend more time with them, if you have friends, spend more time with them, be grateful for what you still have and get bloodwork done and do an annual physical and plan a vacation, it's probably been a while since you did something like that just for yourself.

Basic_Foundation_714 · 2025-11-03T23:26:33+00:00

You are lost. Think about the person you want to be and become that. In shape, more social, happy, more hobbies? Then make a list and set mini goals to become that version of you. You cant expect anyone to help you, you gotta do it on your own, as you should! Yes, post divorce youll feel like in a depressing foggy dream, but youll snap out of it eventually.

midlife-madness · 2025-11-03T22:35:54+00:00

I found it helpful to get a life coach who’s been through a divorce. I have dated, but more as a way of discovering what I want, what I need, where my boundaries are. It’s been helpful to talk through it with someone else who has good advice and will put some loose accountability on me.

Write down what you want in life. Repeat it back to yourself (sounds lame, but it works). Do that periodically. You kind of have to proactively build the life that you want.

Keep working out. Keep eating right. Especially when you don’t feel like it.

I found community helps. Deepen existing friendships. Try to meet new friends. Local clubs are great for this.

Find or expand ona hobby.

Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You should do a lot of positive verbal self talk. Don’t just think it. Say it aloud. (Again. Sounds lame but works over time.)

No matter what stay positive. Don’t let the black hole suck you in. Stay strong brother!

Bagman220 · 2025-11-03T21:48:35+00:00

I feel very lost. Not because my ex was my life or that I was madly in love with her or things like that. I’m just a normal guy trying to survive. But I just don’t know what life looks like now. I’m mid 30s, I have 4 kids that are in my care 24/7, so do I go out and find a new wife? Do I start a new family? Do I want a new family? Should I get a girlfriend? Do I just do casual sex? No commitment? Who am I? What’s next???

I’ve been working on myself and my life. I’ve been working out religiously for 20+ years. I have my music hobbies. I still play some video games. I read. I’m going to get my doctorate degree in the next few years, starting school in the spring. And yet I continue to ask what is next???

94Questra · 2025-11-03T20:56:58+00:00

I am about to go through this myself. I put her first. Planned everything for us. But asking me to start my life? Shit I don't even know what my life is anymore. I loved playing soccer. But I haven't done that as I need a knee replacement (I'm late 40s and was married for 15 years) I used to love going to concerts but we moved out to the 'burbs. And as much as I miss going to shows, I don't miss shared living. So if I can keep the house I will be doing so. (her plan is to move out of state) And she is leaving me with the one dog that struggles when left alone while she takes the other, more manageable, dog. Honestly, my fear is that I am going to go from living for my wife to living for my dog. And that scares the shit out of me.

Acceptable_Piano4809 · 2025-11-03T20:50:22+00:00

It’s been 3 years and ahhhh….. not immediately for me

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-11-03T20:29:55+00:00

Gym is not negotiable, keep that a part of any life.

Next is you need to find your purpose and go chase that.

Hobbies are ok but between gym, purpose, and the woman that comes into your life you won't have much time to waste on hobbies.

softinvest · 2025-11-03T20:19:37+00:00

Humans need a purpose. All those times you wanted to do something for yourself in your marriage, but didn’t, try it. I’d recommend finding yourself first. Don’t complicate your life with a relationship, level up yourself and when you are ready you can consider it again. Once you find yourself, your passion, your purpose, having a relationship will be the cherry on top with the RIGHT person. But learn to cut it quickly when you see the red flags

Objective-Fan-5464 · 2025-11-03T20:18:54+00:00

Brother, that first year is doing something, it’s survival, and that’s no small thing. You went through emotional demolition and managed to stay standing. That’s progress, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Kudos to you and pat yourself on the back!

Here’s what worked for me once the dust started to settle (and I'm only 6 months into it):

Treat this next phase like rebuilding, not rebounding. You don’t need to rush into another relationship or reinvent yourself overnight. Think of this as your personal “Phase 2” i.e. foundation, structure, and direction.
Get your body and mind synced. Keep the gym, but layer purpose onto it, lift not just to look better, but to feel stronger. That confidence bleeds into everything else.
Rebuild identity through small wins. Try new things. Travel alone. Learn a skill that has nothing to do with work. Every small win starts rewiring your sense of who you are outside marriage.
Work on yourself before you look for someone else. Not as a cliché, but because when you start liking your own company, you naturally attract healthier people.
Set a 3-year vision, not a lifelong plan. Ask: “Where do I want to be by 43?” Physically, financially, emotionally. Three years is close enough to act, far enough to inspire.

Right now your job isn’t to figure everything out, it’s to get motion going again. Direction will come after movement.

Also, you’re not starting from zero, you’re starting from experience.

Title	Immediate life after divorce?
Author	Tasty_Dinner6530
Upvotes	15
Comments	32
Date	November 3, 2025 8:03 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1onmbvb/immediate_life_after_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/immediate-life-after-divorce.1565651 https://theredarchive.com/post/1565651

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