50M here. Just finalized my divorce after months of splitting assets, selling the house, and figuring out custody. We were together for ~20 years, and ending it was like ripping up the blueprint I had worked hard to build toward for my life.

The hardest parts - realizing that it’s for real, getting to a reasonable financial settlement with a sah mom even with a comparably civil relationship - but what’s hardest is the silence when the kids aren’t here. It’s walking into a new place that doesn’t quite feel like home. It’s waking up and remembering — this is real.

I was lucky in one way — my ex didn’t try to burn it and me all down. We kept it civil, got through the process without dragging each other through court, and that made it less bloody. Painful, yes. But survivable.

If you’re in it right now, hang on. Some days you’ll feel like you’re drowning, other days you’ll catch a glimpse of the shore. Keep going. You’ll get there.

My top tips: 1. Find your crew: friends, family therapy. You need them all. They are your foundation. For me personally this also included my spiritual life, but I know that’s not the same for everyone.

  1. Structure your days: my morning routine and making time for exercise even when that meant a short walk kept me from spiraling

  2. Avoid the poison: for me that meant no drinking alcohol alone, and avoiding things that would numb the pain

  3. Put Kids first: I made my phone password spell out “mykids “ so every time I open my phone or had to unlock it it reminded me who comes first in all of this. This really helped - especially in the middle of really hard conversations.

  4. Learning that grief is not linear: some days I’d be great and excited and others I would cry - and often both. Journaling has been amazing for me and I give myself space to grieve and process emotions like I haven’t in the past 20 years.

  5. Make plans for yourself: whether it’s getting a massage or just even buying new socks, take care of yourself. No one else is going to. You deserve to be cared for.

I certainly don’t have it all figured out yet, but my favorite quote that I heard was “this year is going to be the greatest year of your life or the worst, but no matter what it’s going to be the hardest. So you have a decision to make“

Make the right decision and trust that you can do this. Thanks to all in the sub Reddit. You’ve helped me in ways I can’t express.

Best of luck, gentlemen. I’m now in reconstruction phase and nervous but excited. you’ll get there too.