Just waiting for it to get bad

GoldCanvas · 2026-02-07T15:38:12+00:00

Get out as fast as you can. Pack your shit and leave tonight. Never look back. Lawyer handles everything. Can’t afford one? Find assistance. Step up and take control of your life. Then move on. Simple as that.

notconvinced780 · 2026-02-05T16:40:14+00:00

Get a mediator FAST! Claims of wanting “amicable” have a very short expiration date. She will rewrite history in her mind to justify a level of horrible treatment you can’t imagine. Get divorced pronto. Be very careful about what sort of spousal support you agree to. Try for ZERO! Child support is NOT something you can negotiate down. It must follow state statutory guidelines. The proportion of custody time for each parent strongly informs that calculated obligation.

dday_throwaway3 · 2026-02-05T14:32:08+00:00

> We both can't afford lawyers.

You can't afford not to have an attorney. You need to change your mindset from "I can't" to "How do I". Not just for this challenge, but for the future challenges you face.

Here's how to find an attorney, and why you need one: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1c2n16i/fundamentals_you_need_a_family_law_attorney/

Nervous-Alfalfa8416 · 2026-02-05T13:18:19+00:00

If she wants separation, she needs to face up to the reality of what that means. My ex thought she could destroy our family and then I was going to be Mr nice guy and indulge in small talk and petty shit to make her feel better. No chance, you made your bed. You are dead to me now.

The best thing you can do for your own mental health is go completely no contact apart from kid stuff only.

Give her a taste of what separation actually means.

The one thing I regret is chasing her for the first year, she was giving clear signs if reconciliation which came to nothing.

Now when she calls/messages, I ghost her completely if its not specifically about our daughter.

MensDivorceCircle · 2026-02-05T13:07:31+00:00

If she doesn’t want to be married any more, you don’t have to live with her feelings and emotions into consideration. She chose this, but she is embarrassed to allow the rest of the world to see the truth. Focus on you and your kids and stop catering to her needs.

Reflog1791 · 2026-02-05T04:32:21+00:00

The flowers smell amazing when you get through this shit. Probably the purpose of the whole damn thing.

Imagine waking up on a Saturday morning, playing golf with your buddies, and going home to take a nice long nap in front of the game with no crazy nagging lady. It’s pure bliss.

Then when your kids are with you, get to do fun stuff of your choosing with no killbuzz.

Divorce itself a very difficult time but I do not regret it at all.

FUMoney · 2026-02-05T04:20:50+00:00

Proceed directly with divorce.

WhydIJoinRedditAgain · 2026-02-05T03:51:56+00:00

To her, “amicable” just means on her terms.

There is no “we” anymore. It’s a hard reality to accept, but once you do you’ll make better choices.

mcrmd · 2026-02-05T03:24:00+00:00

When you’re in the beginning it’s so hard to rip the bandaidS off. I underestimated (or was in denial) of all the ancillary things in my life that were going to change or go away. It’s hard enough coming to terms that you and her are breaking up. But soon you realize you are losing some in-laws, mutual friends, hang out spots, social events, streaming app logins, kid time, pet time….the list goes on.

My ex thought we’d be unmarried but coparenting, and I’d go help her with money, moving furniture, fixing shit whenever she needed it, or watching the kids when she wanted to go out, and also expected that she’d just be talking to me about her dating life like i was one of her girlfriends. That’s all after chipping away at me while I tried harder to salvage the family for 6 months during her exit plan.

No fucker- we are strangers now. Aside from kid handoffs I want nothing to do with you or your enablers.

To me a separation is a glimpse into life outside and after the marriage. You don’t owe any in-law dinners, or roadside tire changes (if the kid’s in the car-then pick up the kid-she can call her triple A), or extra financial support, or anything beyond a stranger on the street would provide.

Mine was totally accustomed to getting her way for all the years I was done fighting to keep the peace. It felt unnatural and aggressive at times but I had to put up new boundaries and stick up for myself and my sanity.

Figure out the boundaries and stick up for yourself if you are going to separate, otherwise stick up for yourself if you want to survive getting back together.

McWhiffersonMcgee · 2026-02-05T03:16:19+00:00

It only gets worse, protect yourself now. The longer u draw it out the more she has to gain. Alimony is based on length of marriage. If you delay it you need to be clever and plan ahead.

H3110_T43R3 · 2026-02-05T03:09:00+00:00

I would start by telling you to take a deep breath and try as hard as you can to breathe. Just breathe in and out.

The most important thing you can do right now is to know your rights and responsibilities. You should at a minimum consult an attorney or two even if it means paying a small fee for the hour or two.

Have a list of questions they can answer and research the divorce laws for your state. Some states (like mine) if she hires an attorney then you can request she pay for yours too because you can’t afford one for example.

Good luck man and just remember that this is hard but it is temporary and you’ll get through this.

Title	Just waiting for it to get bad
Author	Ramablue
Upvotes	15
Comments	38
Date	February 5, 2026 2:48 AM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qw9cbg/just_waiting_for_it_to_get_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/just-waiting-for-it-to-get-bad.1572738 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572738

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