Looking for advice

IchabodLives · 2026-05-29T13:59:34+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this brother. But that excuse generally comes from Fallon in love with someone new. Women will rarely move on from a man unless there is a man to move on to

Hour_Dust_1766 · 2026-05-28T18:57:03+00:00

Ex wife said same thing. I found out she met a new man. I dragged out her re location through divorce and he broke up with her. Best revenge ever. Now have 50 50 of kids and she will have to pay me child support. 🙂

Fun-Land-7120 · 2026-05-28T16:09:06+00:00

Agree with all the advice given. I’m 18 months going through divorce process, 2 years separated and it’s on going. 19 yrs married in California. I make 5x more than ex and I have to pay a lot for alimony and child support. Lawyers get everything they can get even if you think it’s supposed to be 50/50 math. There are a lot of legal jargon thrown at least at a time when everything is emotional. I’ve been putting together free educational resource for divorce clarity because it’s a lot and every divorce is different. Yes, lawyers will guide you and having knowledge how things work will be at your advantage.

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-05-28T15:59:18+00:00

She lost connection a few years back and detached. If you look back you will see all of the clues. She has been spending the last 18 months planning her exit.

Most men mistakenly think they can win their wives back at this point. The right move is to grant her the divorce she asked for and move on with your life. Once a woman has detached it is over and there is no saving the relationship.

Stay amicable and keep lawyers out of it if you can. Divorce can be extremely cheap IF you do an over the table divorce. Once you escalate to lawyers there is no going back and all three of you lose.

Forget about co-parenting the first few years. You will need to parallel parent. This will give you the space to detach from your wife. Remember she has been detached for at least 2 years so she is ready to be friends. You are not. Do not use your child as an excuse to stay a part of your wife's life.

Definitely get yourself into individual counseling to guide you through this transition in your life. You are not alone, most men go through this at least once in their lives. You will recover, you will love again, and you will build a much better life than you would have had staying married to this woman.

Plastic_Efficiency35 · 2026-05-28T15:45:59+00:00

Ask her if she is willing to go for counseling. Do it for your daughter.

Do not beg or plead with her at this point.

Try to keep it amicable without lawyers- it will be 50-50. If you guys can do that- that’s great. Have everything on paper- and both signed it(or have a lawyer draft the documents)

Zealousideal-Fall56 · 2026-05-28T15:41:21+00:00

File 1st and stay ahead of the curve.

Tvelt17 · 2026-05-28T14:06:34+00:00

I could have written this sentence 3.5 years ago.

She's probably been thinking about this for a long time, so its not new to her. I have 3 pieces of advice.

Do what you can to try to save it - suggest therapy. Seek personal improvement, but don't beg or plead with her to stay.
Don't fight it too hard. If she shoots down the idea of therapy or it doesn't go anywhere, let it go. You can't fix the marriage on your own.
Conflict is expensive and will hurt you, your wife, and your daughter in the long run. Try to amicably come up with a way to split things 50/50.

If this is shocking to you, that also might mean that you're kind of lucky in a way. Your relationship isn't ending with some blow up or catastrophe. It sounds like it may have just made it as far as it was going to go. Did you have a good run? You got your favorite person out of the relationship (your daughter), so it must have been pretty OK.

Accomplished-Bet-883 · 2026-05-28T14:03:16+00:00

I'll second much of the advice here. Lawyer up immediately. Separate your money into places only you can access. Do this right now. Like, 'don't finish reading this sentence' right now.

Now that your money is safe, begin recording every interaction you have with her if it's a single-consent state. Tell her you're doing it if both parties need to consent to being recorded.

You'll need your own recordings because it's highly likely she'll invent terrible things about you in order to gain sole custody.

The life you thought you lived with her no longer exists to her. In her mind you are and have always been a monster. That's how she'll treat you. There's nothing you can do about it save insist on your own dignity. Don't let her mistreat you and do NOT move out. If she can't be around you, *she* can move out.

A lot of us, especially when we've been blindsided, fail to apply the same 50/50 standard to ourselves. The house is half yours. Your kid is half yours. Everything is half yours and there's no point in settling for less.

DarDarRules · 2026-05-28T13:41:25+00:00

Do not beg. Do not plead. Do not logic with her.

Give her space. Ask to understand to why and do not get defensive even if the stuff she says isn’t remotely true. You want to find the feelings underneath all of it. And then own it by focusing on the areas you can control.

That’s your only path forward if you want to save this marriage

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-05-28T12:46:25+00:00

They live in the moment of their current feelings, once her biggest wish was to get chosen, married and have kids (all of her friends are doing it!), now she's "changed her mind". And she might change her mind again and try to get back in the future once the delulu passes. Once you understand women operate with a maturity of a 4yo it all makes sense.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2026-05-28T12:43:47+00:00

There's someone else and she's been planing this for a while. Go get a full STI panel done at planned parenthood or your doctor. Do not sleep with that woman.

You need to secure a lawyer asap. Today.

You better figure out your finances quickly as well.

CryptographerKey3781 · 2026-05-28T12:39:34+00:00

Yup like everyone is pretty much saying on here..she fell out of love…cause she met somebody else…and it probably was going on for a while. You really need to investigate, gather your evidence, get into therapy for yourself, and prepare to move on..the woman u thought you knew is gone.

Mountain_Hall585 · 2026-05-28T12:14:00+00:00

What’s wild is that I make about 70% of our total income. She’s giving up a pretty good life and future for who knows what.

She also works from home and doesn’t socialize much at all.. not sure where she would meet someone else.

mommylaurie · 2026-05-28T12:03:58+00:00

Hugs, thats the most painful one, being divorced for probably somthing out of your control suck, all the best and be strong

Candidate_Worldly · 2026-05-28T12:02:49+00:00

'love but not in love' 'fell out of love'

Fucking Hollywood bullshit. As if successful long term marriages have both partners 'in love' with each other 24/7.

She got bored/can't handle real life/lacks commitment/found someone else.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-05-28T11:53:09+00:00

Yeah man, someone has given her the green light.

You’re nothing but an obstacle to her right now. Her hatred for you will be on another level.

Keep this in mind when you start to have idiotic thoughts like ‘maybe I should give her the house’ or ‘I want her back’

kykoo · 2026-05-28T11:48:47+00:00

“Felling out of love” is woman speak for “I met someone else”. Ask her if she’s sure nothing can save your marriage, and then get ready to focus all your strength on protecting your child and assets. Do not be aggressive despite the sorrow, speak to her like a business partner. Keep in mind you have to co parent with this woman for 8 years minimum. Be warned that the longer you live under the same roof, the worse is your relationship with your wife going to be. But do not get out of the family house before your lawyer says so. Stay strong, I’m a month in, it gets tough but you have a kid to protect.

Nighthawk2824 · 2026-05-28T11:44:31+00:00

Try to be as civil as possible even tho ik it’s hard, and get a lawyer. I got lucky cuz my ex wanted nothing from me which is weird but I’ll take it. We had a 3 year old at the time and it was so hard for me to do because of her. I hate to break it to you but there’s more than likely someone else. Was here a few years ago and I think about it every single day. Don’t beg her and don’t give her the power over you cuz they feed off it. Start doing your push ups now or hit the gym. I’m sorry this is happening to you.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2026-05-28T11:42:44+00:00

A cowgirl doesn’t get off her horse until she’s picked a new one from the herd.

Title	Looking for advice
Author	Mountain_Hall585
Upvotes	27
Comments	37
Date	May 28, 2026 10:19 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1tpzf3a/looking_for_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/looking-for-advice.1581474 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581474

Comments