Male Perspective

PokerFriend247 · 2024-02-26T14:58:41+00:00

Why has this got the flair - success stories…

I’m going to give some wisdom. For your future and during this process.

Step 1 - point your finger at someone. 🤛🏼 👆🏼

Step 2 - look closely at your digits. ☝🏻

Step 3 - notice that there are 3 x fingers pointing back at you. 🫵🏼

PokerFriend247 · 2024-02-26T14:50:59+00:00

Did you weaponise Sex ..? Did you manipulate and lie … ? Did stonewall - silent treatment ? Did you discard him and still want him as a supply? Or hope this would work and bring you closer.

If you are serious about getting him back you need to understand yourself better fast. Get a psychiatrist evaluation and be honest.

You may have a cluster B personality. One of you is codependent and one is the abuser.
Work out which one … only you know.

Google

Trauma bonding in codependency.

captainchippsixx · 2024-02-26T14:44:14+00:00

I’m pretty confident that A fling during separation and a lot of mistakes really means you cheated on him during the marriage. Double red flag whammy that you’re a gym rat/nurse and he is military. If you are heavy into selfie IG than that would be the trifecta.

My best advice is divorce amicably and ask him to try again but stay divorced. So either one of you could walk away and not go through the divorce shit again.

RichardCleveland · 2024-02-26T14:22:49+00:00

I was the original one to say I wanted one, but I really just want us to move forward.

Seemingly he did. And I honestly think it might be for the best due to your initial feelings. You can't tell someone that you have been married to for 16yrs (with kids) that you want out, only to take it back due to regret. People DO save marriages at these crossroads IF both spouses are willing to work on things (couples therapy, etc). But he seemingly checked out once he learned your true feelings, and is now is grey rocking you.

There is a lot of history, which if you're curious you can find in my post and comment history.

Regardless of the history, I think it's fairly irrelevant at this point. You asked for a divorce... he walked away.

fishingforthought · 2024-02-26T14:21:52+00:00

Once you use the D word you have open a pandora box. Very difficult to put it back in. Even it is boxed up the box is always in the open.

GravityIsForRookies · 2024-02-26T14:08:36+00:00

Only hope -

Admit everything you have done wrong. Don’t justify it. Just sincerely apologize.
Ask him for a list of everything that needs to change for him to stay. If he provides the list, honestly evaluate if you can do it all - forever.

iSurvivedltd · 2024-02-26T14:06:12+00:00

You asked for it and now that you are getting what you want it’s an issue? You’re kidding right?

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-02-26T14:03:05+00:00

So what did you do to him? An affair? Withhold sex? Constant nagging and abuse? Refuse to get a job and contribute?

This is a men’s divorce sub, most of us got screwed over somehow by our wives. Most of us wanted nothing more in the world than keep our marriages and families intact so the fact that he’s pushing for it tells us you screwed up big time.

Independent_Farm_628 · 2024-02-26T14:00:49+00:00

OP

I read some of your history and it looks like your STBXH likely had someone lined up before he told you he “wasn’t in love with you” anymore.

Whether it’s the husband or the wife, the pick-me dance only makes the other party respect you less.

It’s clear that your STBXH wants out fast. Please focus on making it fair for you and the kids.

BlueCollarRevolt · 2024-02-26T13:59:57+00:00

You asked for it, and now that it's happening you don't actually want it?

It seems like he's made up his mind. Be a good mom and try to still be a good co-parent and maybe get a therapist to work through some of these things and the grief that you are/will be going through.

FunnyQuirky3177 · 2024-02-26T13:59:23+00:00

Why would you want someone to stay with you who no longer loves you? You shouldn’t have to beg. It’s over and you need to allow yourself to heal and move on with your own happiness. You cannot force anyone to love you. The irony is, everything you are doing will push him further away

New-Amoeba9042 · 2024-02-26T13:59:20+00:00

Probably not if he wants to leave. Which generally means he’s found someone else, or at least, believes he’s in a position to pick up women somewhat regularly.

Complicatedlogic · 2024-02-26T13:57:40+00:00

This is hard to answer since him not loving you anymore can’t be the only reason. I read a bit of your post history, I believe you have stated that you were accountable for your mistakes, or something like that. What mistakes? You may be innocent or you may have acted in a way that warranted this reaction from him. So, why did you all divorce?

DaddyNoBux · 2024-02-26T13:53:18+00:00

It’s over. The pick me dance will only rob you of your dignity and make you look even weaker in his eyes.

Buckle up, ensure the kids are taken care of, figure out what you are financially entitled to and get moving

Reddit188869 · 2024-02-26T13:49:26+00:00

In short: No.

Title	Male Perspective
Author	ms_sunshine1
Upvotes	1
Comments	73
Date	February 26, 2024 1:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b0htu1/male_perspective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/male-perspective.1246479 https://theredarchive.com/post/1246479

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