Mediation Today

biscuts99 · 2025-02-28T21:48:44+00:00

Argue for what the law entitles you to. If it's a waste of 2hrs then say "cool, see you in court" and get a date.

Also she probably won't agree to anything reasonable. Go in expecting to NOT reach a resolution if she is asking for the moon.

NothingIsEverEnough · 2025-02-27T19:40:46+00:00

Carefully pick the hill to die on. Most hills aren’t it.

No_Pace2396 · 2025-02-27T05:11:16+00:00

Don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t allow the mediator or judge or OC or your lawyer to move you from your reasonable position. Don’t allow them to divide and conquer. Do not say “yeah, I agree, or okay”. That is binding, even tho the lies, exaggerations, falsehoods, and exploitation in meditation is confidential. Meditation is about finding the weaker party and breaking them by any means. I wish I’d just said fuck all of you and closed my laptop.

First-Sail8421 · 2025-02-26T23:27:11+00:00

don’t let them (including your own lawyer) browbeat you at the closing hour - sleep on it if need be. Don’t get stuck with something you wake up the next day wishing you hadn’t done.

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-02-26T22:58:34+00:00

I just had mediation yesterday. My STBXW put a CRAZY proposal on the table. So we asked where they got their numbers. They declined to answer. So we said, we'll, we're going to ignore that in its entirety because it isn't based in fact unless you can show otherwise. Then we said, here's what we believe both parties are entitled to under the law, and we spelled out why.

They countered with a slightly less but still outrageous number, hoping to drag us to some middle ground favorable to them. We again asked what facts it was based on. They could not provide any. We simply declined a non-fact-based offer. We bumped our offer up *slightly* (with a give we set-aside for this specific reason) to show the mediator that we were being reasonable and trying to reach a deal, and they weren't, so go talk sense to them. We also said it was our final offer since they could provide no reasonable basis for their asks.

We ended mediation without an answer, but with our offer as the only one on the table and the mediator basically on our side.

We also know our BATNA---our best alternative to a negotiated agreement. In our case, that's court, because we believe we will win all or the vast majority of our arguments in court. And we said that. And going to court will cost them $100,000 and take another 1.5 years. So in our case, we knew what was reasonable, we know our alternative, we have our facts, and we know it will keep costing them money to try to get something that's unobtainable.

I don't know how it will turn out, but so far we feel good about it.

47omek · 2025-02-26T22:49:52+00:00

Custody first, always. If you're not getting 50/50 parenting time on the table, you and your attorney pack up and walk out at around the 2 hour mark. Contrary to what others said i wouldn't go for easy stuff first - you need every bargaining chip available to ensure 50/50 parenting time - and if you've already given the chips away there's nothing to use to ensure equal parenting time. My attorney and I were packing up to leave with no 50/50 on the table (my state TX is also NOT a 50/50 presumptive state) when she came with an offer of her getting all the assets and max guideline child support in exchange for 50/50 parenting time. After that it was just a wrestling match to give up as little as possible to keep 50/50 which took 9 hours in all. Women will absolutely sell parenting time in mediation, make sure you have enough financial chips left in the game to buy it. Obviously in a 50/50 presumptive parenting time state I wouldn't give up much financially if you know you're going to get it at trial.

Gattsama · 2025-02-26T18:44:18+00:00

My mediation (no kids) took nearly 7 hours. Take breaks, eat food and drink water. Do not get so frustrated or upset that you will settle for BS or unfairness. Have an idea of what you are willing to give up to get the deal done, and do NOT cross that line (no matter what).

For example, in my case I was paying for everything. Mediation was in Nov and court date Jan. So I knew if we went to court I would be out ~$45-60k. So I was willing to give that much up during mediation to get a 'fair' deal. I fought for each dollar, but she got to 'win' and that was all she wanted.

Be prepared to say no or close some topics, but move on to others. Maybe you can't work out child custody or spousal support. But we can work out the 50/50 split of assets and debts. Start with the easy stuff first, and save he contested stuff for the end. That way if unable or just need a break, you still got a lot done.

In my case, of the 7hrs or so we took a 45min lunch break, and spent 4hrs+ on spousal support (the last point of discussion). The rest still took some back and forth but was handled fairly quickly. In reality, the divorce should have taken 2hrs! But she dragged shit out...

Upstairs-Studio8509 · 2025-02-26T18:24:51+00:00

Keep your cool and treat it like a business transaction even though you feel ripped apart inside. And do something nice for yourself afterwards.

InternJimmy07 · 2025-02-26T18:02:02+00:00

That's typical one side uses the law the other uses outrageous demands. Just don't sign anything you not 100% happy with. You will fail in mediation several times before you can come to some sort of agreement but don't be afraid to go to trial and fight for what it right

jimsmythee · 2025-02-26T16:36:56+00:00

It's Ok if mediation goes nowhere. Just don't sign.

AZ has freebie mediation for all "Divorce with Children". But the mediator we got? She wasn't impartial one bit.

She and my now exwife tag-teamed me to get me to practically sign away everything. Mediator actually said, "Only a horrible person would take away the children from the loving arms of their mother." I was asking for 50/50 custody.

Anyway, once I got out of there, I got a breath of fresh air! And I realized this was BS. I tossed that agreement in the trash. It wasn't signed. I told the exwife, "I'm not signing, see you at trial!"

At trial, my exwife tried to submit that mediator paperwork as a "Partially signed mediation agreement." Judge also tossed that in the trash. In the end, the judge sided with me on everything and our divorce was done.

My point is mediation can fail.

Boomhower113 · 2025-02-26T16:26:05+00:00

Try to be a little open minded about how things are divided. You can’t split a proverbial baby, so that baby has to go to one side in one piece. So, other things can make up for it.

It’s all a spreadsheet in the end. If something has sentimental value for her, that’s an easy give that moves things along and gets you some value elsewhere. It almost certainly won’t end up like you think it will. But, make sure you can live with the final result.

Think about what things you can sell easily down the road. You may need to raise cash after the divorce. My wife gave up some small mineral interests I bought during the marriage for a grill. She didn’t want the hassle of having to buy a new one.

I’m about to sell those minerals for about $60k as a down payment on a new house. Hope she’s enjoying that grill.

Lonely_Panda4322 · 2025-02-26T16:20:31+00:00

How long did it take you guys to go to mediation?

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2025-02-26T15:58:18+00:00

Here's the advice: Don't negotiate off of your current position. She's starting very far away, you're starting in the middle. They're going to try to get you to compromise from your current position, rather than acknowledging that you're starting from a position of compromise. Don't agee to less simply because it's simpler.

Title	Mediation Today
Author	cdube85
Upvotes	5
Comments	25
Date	February 26, 2025 3:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1iyqp99/mediation_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mediation-today.1545029 https://theredarchive.com/post/1545029

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