Never thought I’d be in this position…

captainchippsixx · 2023-09-23T23:05:24+00:00

They stall to keep getting you to pay for everything! Go forward full soles for divorce.

FUMoney · 2023-09-24T03:39:25+00:00

Proceed immediately with divorce. Every day you delay is another day on the alimony / spousal support clock.

Now, listen to me: cowboy the F up. Your spouse plainly is interested in someone else, if not several other people. Your marriage is done. This relationship is done. Your partnership is over. Dismiss any nonsense Hallmark notion of reconciliation, or a marital reawakening, rekindling -- all utter nonsense.

being in the house we built and were suppose to have a lifetime of memories

This future is over. Over. Understand: there will be no reconciliation. Marriage counseling? Bullshit. Couple's therapy? Bullshit. Your spouse wants someone else. She doesn't want you. When a married woman finds someone else, it's a nuclear fucking bomb, and your ass is ground zero. She doesn't give a flying fuck about the "house we built," or the future "memories." SHE DOESN'T CARE -- and in fact, your thoughts and feelings about this likely sicken and repulse her. This is the truth. Hard to accept, perhaps even hard to fathom, but it's true. All of it.

Rip the fucking bandaid off. I don't know how long you've been married, nor whether there are assets to fight over. If you can't file yourself, get a lawyer and have them file. Now. You've got to take decisive steps to end this goddamn charade.

STOP accruing time on the spousal support clock. STOP accumulating assets which this financial vacuum is entitled to half of. Separate, move forward with divorce. Be expedient, be decisive, and move on. Else you are accruing financial obligations, and you are going to be really fucking pissed off if you let this drag on for months -- which can quickly drag into years -- and you get your ass handed to you in family court.

johnxdoughy · 2023-09-23T23:10:05+00:00

Damn dude that's rough. I'll say what you already know: she's moved on and you need to cut contact and move on too. It's hard as hell but you'll get through it like all of us will.

It sounds like you're already separated. Have you filed for divorce yet?

BaldieGoose · 2023-09-23T23:35:12+00:00

Don't bother fixing her, been there, regretted that. Get yours and get officially separated and then divorced ASAP. Get a lawyer.

unwisebeyondyears · 2023-09-24T04:27:31+00:00

Bro, I was where you are about 5 years ago. She had a full on affair with coworker.

Trust me, you need to end this relationship NOW. I did exactly what you are doing. She chose to stay in my case, and promised that she’d leave the job… gaslight, gaslight, gaslight.

I turned into a PTSDed shell of a person and bore the repeated wounds of her going to work with the AP for years on end. Guess what? A person cannot live like that.

Her lack of trying to fix the issue that she created caused me to never be able to trust her. And that lack of trust turned into her feeling like I was controlling. Of course, she never saw any of this as her fault - society seems to assume that the guy is wrong whether he cheats or his SO cheats.

She actually ended up breaking things off for real after one other “attempt” a couple of years ago.

You know what? I regret so much. I regret not kicking her to the curb when I first learned of the affair. I regret not kicking her out after repeated gaslighting. I did it for my kids, but that only brings me so much peace.

So, to summarize - fuck her and the shitty choices she made. Time to move on so that you don’t become a damaged person. Trust me. I know.

Danno5367 · 2023-09-24T00:57:37+00:00

Let her be by herself, serve papers and be by yourself and improve yourself. Go NC and move on.

Least_Wash8355 · 2023-09-24T03:10:24+00:00

Right there with you my man, honestly this sub has helped me so much. You’re in the right place.

idiskfla · 2023-09-24T08:41:21+00:00

You’re not alone bro. This is the new reality many men face now. And fwiw, women care too much about their reputation that they’re willing to lie. Women might say it’s just an emotional connection, but that emotional connection might mean banging in someone’s backseat if we’re being honest.

It’s gonna be a struggle but start working on yourself and forgetting about her. To borrow the words of jocko: MOVE ON. File immediately.

Take this from a guy who wouldn’t give up on an ex who had an “emotional connection” with someone. She was monkeybranching me the entire time until she knew he would leave his current gf for her. The woman you married no longer exists. She probably hasn’t existed for awhile now. I’d be surprised if it’s only been an emotional connection. Move on.

It only gets harder if you don’t. Good luck op.

Character_Hippo90 · 2023-09-23T23:06:32+00:00

Watch some sports and make a list of all the things you need to do to liquidate your STBX. Lawyer, bank, important papers, etc. Focus on you, not them.

eyewasonceme · 2023-09-24T11:27:24+00:00

Sorry mate, it's horrible, but reconcile yourself with the knowledge that you are in fact the side guy now and try to move on quickly

ElderberrySuper3659 · 2023-09-24T13:50:20+00:00

It's not about you. She will always cheat and it will always be about her own self loathing. Move on. The sooner the better.

spozmo · 2023-09-24T17:05:20+00:00

You call yourself and idiot and pathetic. Neither is true. Integrity, sacrifice and devotion are deeply masculine virtues. You’re just using them on the wrong person. It’s a mistake, not an impeachment of who you are or a demonstration that you’re weak or bad. Quite the contrary.

I admire your character in this. Don’t let it burn you, though. You are strong enough to do the right thing for your future. You’re a good man. It’s not your fault she doesn’t value that.

My DMs are open if you want to talk. You are not alone.

techrmd3 · 2023-09-24T18:33:13+00:00

first off it's never an emotional affair with a woman

he f'ed him which is why she thinks it's ok to blow up the marriage.

She pretended she loves you, because she told office Romeo she's leaving you and he said "whoa girl, I'm just a hookup"

Then She Thought "oh shit I don't have a surefire man supporting me, need to warm up hubbs until I get Romeo ok with taking care of me"

so really it's over, she's moved on, she plays like it's an option just to string you along since Romeo showed cold feet.

dump that beech

ColSolTigh · 2023-09-25T05:59:42+00:00

Are there ways to get a woman back? Yes, of course there are. The thing is, it’s like the Stephen King novel/movie ‘Pet Sematary:’ what comes back is not the same as what you lost.

Title	Never thought I’d be in this position…
Author	diffizzle
Upvotes	24
Comments	20
Date	September 23, 2023 10:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/16qhmd1/never_thought_id_be_in_this_position/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/never-thought-id-be-in-this-position.1232782 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232782

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