Seeing the ex

Automatic-Idea-3265 · 2025-01-11T12:58:18+00:00

To the OP - it sounds like you could benefit from therapy. It sounds like there’s definitely things you might want to work through. Get yourself past this so it’s a healthy interaction.

Classic_Dill · 2025-01-10T18:53:42+00:00

It gets a little bit easier, but do yourself a favor, when you feel that way, and she notices it, she may tell the kids or even tell you directly that you must not be over her or you wouldn’t feel this way, please don’t buy into that bullshit

Divorces are a traumatic event, and it’s something you need to heal past or at least learn to cope with, it never really truly leaves you, that scar is always there, but inevitably it ends up becoming indifferent, you just become indifferent to the past trauma. But please do not let her ever tell you that you’re not over her Because you still have problems being around her, that is a manipulator and most women will do this to you.

You have every right to feel gross and awkward around her, my suggestion? Don’t think about her, she’s a ghost, she doesn’t even exist or matter anymore, as long as she takes care of your kids when she’s supposed to, and she, parents adequately, that’s all you should care about, she doesn’t even matter man, she’s a nobody she’s a ghost. Don’t let her haunt you anymore!

Current-Plant-1411 · 2025-01-10T14:00:27+00:00

It will pass and it gets easier. Much easier.

Time heals all wounds.

warrior_up · 2025-01-10T12:01:59+00:00

Disconnect bro. You pay her to watch your kids, she’s a nanny, nothing more. Alpha mindset. Let her do her job

I’d also recommend finding another hot nanny to help you out during your visitation or a few if you can swing it.

masterof-xe · 2025-01-10T05:11:47+00:00

I used to feel that, now there is nothing. Like I don't even feel anything when I thought she was having sex with her "friend" or whatever random thought of her enjoying her new freedoms in life. She made her bed and who she'll share it with. I just support my child and myself.

Techsanlobo · 2025-01-10T03:53:20+00:00

My ex, in the past 8 months, has figured out she made a huge mistake. Trying to get be back.

I stay friendly enough to keep the relationship cordial, but also make it extremely clear I am not interested. She is very persistent, so it makes it tough.

Honestly besides not having the kids full time I miss my FiL the most. He was a cool dude.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2025-01-09T22:53:59+00:00

School swaps for the win. You drop them off in the morning, she picks them up in the afternoon.

CRobinsFly · 2025-01-09T22:41:59+00:00

Unfortunately, like the other comments suggest, this is just something that we will have to deal with until our children are 18.

I personally dispise how she fights me in court over whether I can minimize how often I even have to see her - I would prefer to use daycare as the "neutral" exchange location and just basically never see her again, meanwhile she pushes for a weird schedule that has me at least see her twice or three times a week because we exchange in a public place. In the latest request she wants me to pickup and drop off our daugther from her home - NO.

I also abhore how she'll smile at me at functions with the child, she gets an emotionless expression back from me - meanwhile if she had her way, I would be completely eliminated from our daughter's life and just ordered to pay CS. There's nothing "friendly" about that smile to me.

ctgjerts · 2025-01-09T21:17:03+00:00

Yes. When the kids turn 18 and you no longer have to meet with her at any functions other than the kids major events.

Aceking1983 · 2025-01-09T20:36:37+00:00

I don't know if this is an option for you but works great for me. Dropoff and pickup are at my house. If she drops off just the oldest (7) he knows the garage code, opens it and comes in on his own. When she's picking the 7yr old up and has our younger 4 yr old with her, she lets him out and he comes and rings the doorbell and it gives me a extra time to say hi and give him a hug. This way the kids don't see anything and I don't have to see her ever, win win for everyone

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-01-09T20:20:30+00:00

Still happens to me a year and a half later. I haven't even made eye contact with her since then, but still get all of these feelings. The worst is the nervous shits.

I don't know your exact situation, but after what I went through, I want/need everything in writing.

Depending on what trauma you went through (that she put you through or otherwise), it's going to take awhile.

The alternative would be subjecting our child to a toxic household for the rest of their childhood.

It's only a few times a week at most, right? Think about how much better you and your children will be in the long run. You got this.

rsmiley77 · 2025-01-09T20:09:31+00:00

I am around 7 years out I can still hardly look my ex in her eyes when talking to her. I talk to her while looking at a space right behind and offset from her.

Reflog1791 · 2025-01-09T19:48:18+00:00

Location: parking lot.

Actions: smile at children, ignore ex wife. If she starts talking, “send me an email please.”

Make it so you don’t need anything from her. Buy extra jacket, shoes, tablet, whatever. If she asks you for something reasonable in email, say “sure if you do xyz.”

5+ years out for me and these tips make my life peaceful. Early days was hell no doubt but now a pick up or drop off is just that, nothing more.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2025-01-09T19:36:40+00:00

Yes it gets easier with time. Focus on the kids and kept it short with her

Title	Seeing the ex
Author	Switch_Empty
Upvotes	25
Comments	29
Date	January 9, 2025 7:11 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1hxkjvx/seeing_the_ex/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seeing-the-ex.1540749 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540749

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