Staying in the house

mesi130 · 2026-02-06T11:16:35+00:00

Stay away from her as much as possible. Take the kids places and stay busy. Interact with her about the kids that’s all. Don’t argue or fight let the lawyers handle it. When you start talking money the shit will hit the fan. Have your own private areas. Respect her and the home. Don’t be dating or having people around your kids of course. Listen to your lawyer take his advice. I lived with my ex for about a year. Not going to lie it was difficult. She was eventually forced to leave

freshstart2026_ · 2026-02-05T04:37:33+00:00

Hit the gym go on walks and hikes focus on your mind read books stay active when you have your kids now it just you and them and don’t kill your mind over your ex future wife she will try to bother you trigger you tease you even sexually so she can have ammo on you

Temporary_Toe648 · 2026-02-02T16:17:51+00:00

For the long term stay in the house

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2026-02-01T19:20:59+00:00

Yes, emotionally it will be better for you.

But assuming there is no silver bullet situation and you are the major breadwinner staying in the home usually is better. First it gives you a better chance at 50/50 custody. Also, since for many the home is a major asset and it needs to be resolved before the divorce can be finalized.

If you move out then you need new housing which can put you in financial distress and therefore in a weaker negotiating position. With her staying in the home and you paying the mortgage she benefits by waiting until she gets what she wants. Unlike you, financially she doesn’t have an incentive to settle.

Divorce proceedings are like a dangerous traffic intersection, the longer you stay in it the more likely that you will be injured.

Staying creates pressure on her to settle or at least get the house sold.

CA_Poppy_25 · 2026-02-01T06:53:29+00:00

I don't know why everyone, even attorneys, say to not move out. That's what brought me to this group.

My hubs moved out to start his affair. He walked out on our teen, but with my encouragement, he stopped by to visit once a week.

After securing his atty and filing, he found out child support would be reduced so he fought me for overnights.

Long story short, is any of this hurting him? Nope! He's still entitled to half of the house and 50/50 custody, although in reality it won't exactly be that.

I still think moving out is bad. I'm in California, by the way.

WitchDoctor431 · 2026-02-01T05:02:14+00:00

Put cameras up in common areas or places where you are most likely to cross paths to protect you both but mainly you.

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-01-31T22:48:03+00:00

When is it time to tell the kids? I’d think you would do that as soon as you know. Give them time to adjust while you’re both still in the home to help them.

Living with the stbx sucks. I had an entire suite on the opposite side of the house to myself and I still couldn’t do it. Watching her go out at night and knowing she was hooking up with the schmuck she cheated on me with? Nah. I made her life hell until she moved in with him and made it official that I didn’t have to pay alimony.

The_Answer1313 · 2026-01-31T21:32:43+00:00

I’m currently doing it. Sleeping in separate rooms (when she’s not staying with her bf).

Initially I was going to move. I was going to give up the equity in the house in return she didn’t saddle me with her massive debt and half my retirement.

But as I went on she started doing things like take all our savings , run up the credit card, even got physical with me. Then I got the papers and saw what she put in.

Frankly regardless how this turns out I’m glad I stayed. Plus I have an 11 year old and wasn’t doing anything to hurt my chances at 50/50 with him wihich is my primary concern at the moment.

bluephotoshop · 2026-01-31T20:11:15+00:00

Make your stbx sleep in the spare bedroom…especially if she filed first. After all, it’s on her to take the action to separate.

Extra_Pizza2471 · 2026-01-31T19:54:02+00:00

I could’ve done it, but a single DV call and you’re are screwed. Two factors are you planning to stay in the house or get full custody? If no to either then I would protect yourself. One call and you’re not coming back anyway.

ApprehensiveSpare925 · 2026-01-31T19:48:04+00:00

I did it for a year. Slept in the same bed. It is a king bed though so there was plenty of room.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2026-01-31T19:40:58+00:00

I did it for a year.

We slept in different rooms, I tried to be out of the house when her family/friends were over. I tried to be at the house whenever our son was up/awake (he was 3.). If her family was over late on a weekend, id just grab a drink and go to the master bedroom and watch a movie.

We played with our son when we were all together, and then argued about divorce stuff while he was sleeping.

I kept a digital audio recorder on me, just in case she tried to go the silver bullet route. (She didnt, but I highly recommend the recorder)

It all sucked. But I kept on telling myself I'm doing it for our son, so I dont get accused of abandoning him (by moving out).

I also spent a lot of time Journaling what happened each day. THAT helped a lot. Just being able to go back to me feelings was good - and documenting all the bullshit she did.

curtdogg47 · 2026-01-31T19:35:37+00:00

It sucks, but just know it’s a short term thing.
You will get through it.

During the 3 months I had to go through this, I just took the kids fishing a lot. It was Covid to so that’s about all we could do.

There mom not doing things with me and the kids was pretty normal. So they don’t notice a difference.

NoIdeasNoSolutions · 2026-01-31T19:23:14+00:00

I’m in the exact same boat. I’ve been living in the guest bedroom for about a year now and only first filed in November. The kids see you guys apart so they start figuring it out on their own.

Since I filed we put a temp orders into place. Scheduling stays the same unless we move apart. I still pay bills. I do owe child support but don’t owe temporary alimony.

It’s uncomfortable. We disagree (obviously or we wouldn’t be here) about things and discussing them is tense. I try to grey rock and avoid - I don’t want to be accused of anything.

I desperately need to sell the house but I think she is going to try lo live there indefinitely. I’m in a bad spot and I don’t see the light yet.

Good luck!

Intrepid-Scarcity486 · 2026-01-31T18:43:05+00:00

I have survived the last couple months by purposeful avoidance, she walks in, I walk out, she goes to bathroom I get something done I don’t want her seeing, she is at work, I got home early for alone time lol, AIRPODS and Spotify was so good at keeping my mind away. Don’t eat meals together, purposely eat yourself before they ask and meal prep your own meals to make this easier and also helps you eat healthy during this time….. take your kids out alone, cheap or free places, stay away as much as possible.

I came out looking and feeling better than I did 10 years ago during the most stressful time of my life over 5 months of limbo living together. And now she’s moving out. Shes the one that’s leaving the family and everyone can see that. She left…..

machmusic76 · 2026-01-31T17:53:42+00:00

Stay mentally tough bro. There's a long path ahead. I stayed put in the family home and I'm still sitting in it right now 8 years later. If she wants out of the family and marriage then she can go.

Title	Staying in the house
Author	analogwarmth
Upvotes	10
Comments	28
Date	January 31, 2026 5:48 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qs8yxj/staying_in_the_house/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/staying-in-the-house.1572414 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572414

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