Tell me I’ll be ok

roshi-roshi · 2025-07-08T03:58:05+00:00

I’m not really sure I want to meet another person. Dynamics are so different when we’re older And divorced. The hardest part for me has been my wife stonewalling me.

Fun_One_888 · 2025-07-08T02:39:36+00:00

No woman is likely to give you a break if you can't give yourself one. So do.

How people react to us is usually a reflection of our own self-image so change your story and stop focusing on the red flags and make them green flags. Be a great father. Find something interesting and fun to do for yourself (that isn't drinking 😂)

You'll be okay, but it starts with you.

MaxViewingAngle · 2025-07-08T00:04:41+00:00

That is all external. It’s inner work. Looking at your shadow, (see Carl Jung) figuring out why you make the decisions you do, what those motivations are, what is really important to you, your life goals, how another person plays into that, what you would want from them, what you have to give, what your boundaries are and why, your core beliefs and why you are the way you are and what you want your life to look like.

That also means looking at the reason for any additions and how you plan on getting to that place you picture yourself.

Bagman220 · 2025-07-07T23:49:28+00:00

I’m right there with you, mid 30s with full custody of 4 young children. No alcoholism, but lots of trauma from my ex who was an alcoholic. I can hardly leave my house unless someone babysits my kids. I can’t just go out on a Friday night and bring chicks home. I’m kinda trapped in a limbo, meanwhile my ex ran away and gets to live with her new boyfriend.

I’m not super mad that some new guy is plowing her, I’m mad that I don’t get the same luxurious freedom.

CommunicationNext936 · 2025-07-07T23:38:24+00:00

Simple advice: start being funny and happy that is how you will attract someone again learn some jokes and start being positive fucking all the time .

MaxViewingAngle · 2025-07-07T22:23:08+00:00

Don’t worry about the next person, just work on yourself. It will work out

jdv165 · 2025-07-07T21:46:05+00:00

Went through a separation almost 3 years ago. My personal circumstances are different than yours, but due to health reasons and baggage issues i had the same “I’m going to be alone forever” thoughts. I thought this every day and night until i randomly met “my person” when i wasn’t really trying. When you do, she will love you despite everything and because of everything. I didn’t believe this when i was in your shoes, but it gets better and you’ll be ok.

ciscokid12345 · 2025-07-07T18:47:35+00:00

I got sober when my wife filed for divorce. It was either that or suicide…

It took me around 3 months of sobriety to get well from crippling anxiety. My blood pressure dropped from 160 to 115 about this point.

At around 6 months of sobriety my depression started to lift.

At a year I started feeling like my old self again, hopefully and excited to do new things.

At 3 years of sobriety I met a new hippie girl.

At 7 years of sobriety, I have a new job making double, a new house, a new motorhome, a couple new cars, and all new friends. I eat healthier, I exercise more, I have heather boundaries with my partner (I’m not a “nice guy” anymore), and I’m a better father.

My new life is better in all ways. My ex on the other hand has gone through a laundry list of new bfs after mr wonderful affair guy left her. She can’t / won’t find stable work and lives off my child support and food assistance. She’s chasing a new guy with 4 kids who she thinks will take care of her. I hope they get married so I can stop paying alimony…

I’m going to burning man next month with my hippie gf and a flock of her very sexually “liberated” girlfriends. Last year I had 6 naked girls and myself in my rv hanging out having tea and listening to me play guitar. Life is good. So so good lol

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-07-07T18:22:56+00:00

You’ll be more than okay, and it has nothing to do with meeting someone else. Once you deal with those insecurities and that co-dependency, you’ll be in a great place. The only way you f this up is by trying to jump to a new relationship before you deal with those issues and heal.

NewDay0110 · 2025-07-07T17:48:19+00:00

Everyone dies alone, even when you are surrounded by people you still die alone.

Your concern indicates neediness. That mindset is not going to get you a healthy relationship.

warrior_up · 2025-07-07T17:36:24+00:00

Brother. Soon you would rather hump a cactus than get back with your ex. Level up, physically and financially, soon you’ll be laughing at how emotional you were….with a chick 10yrs younger.

FudgythePirate · 2025-07-07T17:16:19+00:00

My brother, i dont know you, but i love you. My greatest hope is that you find your peace and you can get back to living as soon as possible.

Left-Ad-6691 · 2025-07-07T16:08:22+00:00

This is an opportunity to take your life in any direction you desire. Chances are you'll be more than ok.

Metabater · 2025-07-07T13:24:32+00:00

Don’t worry man, divorce rates are like 50-60%. We all have red flags, including all of the women at this age. Best thing I can say is this- we all want to “tether” ourselves to something. Partner, job, religion, whatever it might be - when you become “untethered”, at first you feel lost - but after a while you will realize that, you aren’t lost, you’re free.

The biggest mistake people make post divorce, is not healing fully before you start dating again, and the risk is carrying over that trauma into a new relationship. Trust me, I’ve had 5 girlfriends since separating 4 years ago lol.

Take some time for yourself, seriously. Grieve the loss of the marriage itself, and process it all so you can move forward with proper footing.

When you do get into a new relationship - and you most definitely will - you don’t have to be some super version of yourself; but you owe it to yourself and your future partner to be fully healed.

Rest easy, you’ve been through a lot. Focus on the kids and your time with them. Talk to a therapist if you need to, sometimes it’s better to do that as a preventative measure so it doesn’t pile up in your mind.

You’re going to be ok! You dropped this bro 👑, pick it back up and keep your chin up.

whereami113 · 2025-07-07T13:21:18+00:00

If you never learn to love yourself first, and be kind to yourself and treat yourself right..I.e..give up the booze...then you will never learn to do that for another person.

mchop68 · 2025-07-07T11:04:52+00:00

Being alone is a choice, not a punishment.

And never forget that you’re more than a husband to a lot of different people:

You’re a father. A friend, cousin, coworker, brother, son, uncle, neighbor, etc. you’re so many roles in different parts of life. I’ve learned that leaning into these many different roles attracts some of the greatest energy the world has to offer! You got this champ!

ExpiredPleaseUpdate · 2025-07-07T09:15:48+00:00

Why do you put looks and money aside? These are at least as important as the rest. People fall for those all the time.

MR-Ozmidnight · 2025-07-07T08:00:33+00:00

First off, stop feeling sorry for yourself. You're not the first guy in this situation, and you won’t be the last.

Get help with your alcoholism—whether it’s through AA or counselling. You have kids, and they deserve the best version of you. Forget about finding someone else right now; focus on your kids. They didn’t ask for parents who didn’t work out, and they definitely don’t need an alcoholic dad.

I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father. He used me as a punching bag, and my mother stood by, allowing it. Don’t be that man. Be the dad who loves his kids and makes them the centre of his world.

I endured a tough marriage, but I made my sons my priority. They don’t have much to do with their mother because they see her for who she is. You can definitely create a better situation for your kids if you put in the effort. Otherwise, they’ll just have their mother to rely on, and that’s not what you want.

I’ve been where you are, even considering suicide. But then, an amazing woman came into my life. She taught me to believe in love again, and we had 16 wonderful years together before I lost her to early-onset Alzheimer’s. There are good women out there, but you need to have your life in order so they can see your worth.

Life is tough, so when you do find someone special, make every day count. You need to get your act together for your kids and for the possibility of finding love again.

nonotmeporfavor · 2025-07-07T06:04:55+00:00

I’m not sure how long you’ve been going through this. But these things take time you’re going to be OK I promise. There’s a lot to uncover, but don’t beat yourself up. Know that you can turn a page that’s for the better. First of all just because she’s not coming back. Does not mean that she’s becomes your enemy. We can have different paths and that’s OK. She’s on her journey And now, you are on your journey to something different. Yes, it’s hard when the person we love leaves or when we’ve come to a place in our journey where we are on our own. The truth of the matter is, you may die alone being alone doesn’t mean you will be unhappy. I’m a few years ahead of you and it’s currently happening where I find myself going through a divorce. It is by far one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. However, it’s also a place where I’m finding who I really am. I don’t think I’ve ever spent this much time realizing how much I didn’t care for myself and didn’t love myself as a person. Now I’m grown different roots with different focus and also knowing that I’m gonna be OK. And so are you.

I’ll leave you with this. You have always been OK. You will always be OK and you are OK as much as you may not accept it now. You are where you need to be. Let tomorrow be anxious for itself.

modernmanagement · 2025-07-07T05:50:10+00:00

Yo, I know this pain. It sucks. I'm a father too. Two kids. Baggage. Problems. Crazy ex who left me for her high school boyfriend who is now a trans woman. Brother... it ain't easy. For me. For you. For any of us. But now, nearly a year in, I just want to be the man I'd want to hang out with. The one my kids love being around.

Start with friends. Start with community. Start with being a damn good father. That is more than enough. Get your support crew sorted. I had to rebuild from nothing. So I did. Back to church. Back to volunteering. Back to study. I called up old mates from Facebook. I showed up. I had fun again.

The dating? It feels urgent. But it's not. You can pay for a root if you really have to. Just start by filling your home with stuff you and your kids love. Build a space that feels good. Keep your sails up. Being alone has perks. No one to argue with. No one else's kids to worry about. If the house is messy, who cares. Lawn’s long? Take your time. No boss. No act. No pressure. I don't have to give a shit about my ex and her emotions and her shit. Just the logistics. Kids here at pick up, don't fucking talk to me. Gone. Out of there and off to have fun, or chill, or sleep, or whatever the hell I want.

Just focus on you. Love you. Spoil you. Enjoy your own damn company. It's not all bad, mate. You're not done. You're just getting started.

RedFridged · 2025-07-07T05:42:06+00:00

My brother…you will never die alone if you have kids. Just….don’t…drink. You got this…trust me. It’s your rebirth….

Title	Tell me I’ll be ok
Author	Funny_Object_5538
Upvotes	33
Comments	33
Date	July 7, 2025 5:30 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ltm2n5/tell_me_ill_be_ok/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/tell-me-ill-be-ok.1556531 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556531

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