This is just brutal, getting divorced in a few weeks.

tonyway7293 · 2025-11-27T16:38:01+00:00

I feel you. I’m going thru an eerily similar situation now but my STBXW is not kind. She has been AWFUL thru this entire process. It actually makes it a bit easier for me because she is showing her true colors. Here is my story:

Together 10 years and married 5. She started Zepbound. The weight came off and the bizarre comments about other men started and her hinting at wanting to open up the marriage. Daily selfies on Instagram. One of which said #hideyourhusbands. She even suggested a cucking fantasy to me.

The final straw was she deleted Ring/Blink camera footage of her coming home late at night while I was away. Called her out on that and other things such as the comments about other men and she instantly filed for divorce. While she lived here in the spare room for about a month before she moved to a dumpy apartment she would dress up every night and go out, talk to men on the phone in front of me. Started posting “post-breakup glow-up” selfies. New hairstyles. Flaunting her new identity in my face. Messed up shit.

This all happened EXTREMELY quickly. I’m talking a span of only a few months while the weight came off.

Zero accountability with any of it and she blames me for it all. I have been no contact since other than through the attorneys. Of course she wants half the equity of my home which was a pre-marital asset.

Thankfully we have no children.

I ignored major red flags prior to all this. The biggest ones being

childhood trauma (her mother is a full blown narcissist who fat shamed my STBXW as a teenager and her mother bounces from man-man very co-dependent). One of her mom’s boyfriends sexually assaulted my STBXW when she was younger. When she expressed this to her mom she shrugged it off apparently
Lack of any friends. Literally zero friends
Always had body shame issues but like you I found my wife attractive before the Zepbound use

It is now obvious that like her mom, she craves constant validation from men. I am sure she will also bounce from man-man just like her mom.

I offered her stability and true love and she threw it away while stabbing me in the back and continues to try and hurt me financially in this divorce process.

What’s crazy is usually in these situations they leave to “level up” with their affair partner. Instead, she is on the dating apps and left a beautiful home to live in a rental with 2 dogs. Doesn’t seem very glamorous to me. I guess she just wants to be a full blown hoe.

I know it can’t be all good for her. She already reached out to “grab lunch” I ignored that text. Her entire TikTok to this day (6 months now after she filed) is all breakup content.

Really messed up.

redditrock56 · 2025-11-26T16:15:58+00:00

Hate me all you want for being brutally honest, but she's fucking someone else, OP.

Women don't lose 40 pounds, ditch their husbands, and magically have 'time of their life' for no reason.

It's better to be pissed at her (rightfully so) then pissed at yourself. She's leaving you, don't blame yourself.

WeaknessCapital9064 · 2025-11-25T16:34:32+00:00

Man, I hear you. What you’re feeling isn’t crazy at all. When you spend years walking side-by-side with someone, your brain doesn’t just flip a switch because paperwork is coming. You’re still used to her being your person. That kind of momentum doesn’t stop overnight.

This part you’re in now… it’s not about “winning her back.” It’s about getting your balance again. Right now everything feels tilted because your whole life was built around someone who isn’t standing next to you anymore. That doesn’t mean life is over, it just means you’re learning how to walk on your own two feet again.

And about her being kind? That doesn’t mean you lost. It just means you two didn’t destroy each other. A relationship can end without anyone being the villain. The grief is actually a sign that it mattered.

As for the fear of her meeting someone else, yeah, that thought hits hard. But that fear isn’t really about her. It’s the panic of not being replaced before you’ve even figured out who you are outside the relationship. You don’t need another person to fix that. You just need to build a life that feels like yours again.

You don’t have to fake being okay. Just focus on small stuff: eat a little, sleep when you can, get sunlight, move your body every day, keep showing up. You get through this the same way you lift weights, one rep at a time. It’ll feel pointless at first, then suddenly you realize you’re stronger than you were last month.

Yes, it gets better. Not because you forget her, but because you start remembering yourself.

We are here, man. Just keep going.

Nervous-Alfalfa8416 · 2025-11-25T14:34:24+00:00

She not that good a woman if she decided to destroy everything you had together. Remember that.

It'll take a good year to get better, possibly longer.

DoctorQuit · 2025-11-25T14:34:17+00:00

Man, it makes sense you’re hurting like this. You didn’t lose a bad partner, you lost someone you still care about, which always cuts deeper. But the thing is, you already proved you’re the kind of guy who can build a real connection. That didn’t happen by accident.

Obsessing about what happens next with her will wreck you though. Your brain is trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense right now. Try to shift your focus back to the small daily stuff like eating, sleeping, moving your body, talking to people who care about you. It’s slow, but it works. And seriously, stay off the phone when you can, that fricken doomscrolling makes all of this 10x worse.

Do you have any friends you can reach out to over the next few weeks? Being alone with your thoughts is the worst place to be when everything’s still fresh.

You’ll get your feet under you again, not all at once, but piece by piece.

bizbunch · 2025-11-25T13:42:18+00:00

Any human who can throw the life they built away for something "maybe new" isnt worth your time. Friends and social media can really change someone's direction. I can honestly imagine sociologist studying this era of dysfunction.

Would you have ever done something like this? Lose a few pounds and then decide your life and partner aren't good enough now? Probably not. Integrity matters.

She is not as quality as you think right now, even being kind seems debatable. Is she being nice or keeping you on the hook as her backup?

She is likely at least talking to other guys or on the apps, that attention is like a drug.

Im really sorry man, I feel you 100%

I would avoid talking to her unless its logistics or legal about finalizing a divorce settlement. If you really want to see if you can win her back - move on hard. Stop giving her any attention, dont share your feelings or hopes - make this the final chapter of a bad business deal.

Work out. Eat well. Meet a new person

She might start sniffing around or try to manipulate you, dont fall for it.

At this point she would need to win YOU back, but you might realize she isnt the prize you thought.

Flakey people are always going to be unreliable over the long term.

Lucky-Pomegranate-96 · 2025-11-25T11:49:25+00:00

She sounds like a good person just she unfortunately doesn’t see you as the person she spends the rest her life with .

Unfortunately you can only control your actions and thoughts not hers .

To me while it hurts you are better off splitting now and not later when she gets truly tired of the relationship and then resentful. Trust me on this and the divorce forum you can read plenty of examples of what happens when people stay together too long . Heck I’m one of them

I’d start by taking walks regularly . Also if you have access to it it sounds like counseling would help

Mountain_Fly_1463 · 2025-11-25T07:47:55+00:00

Once you see her with another man it will hurt more than anything you can think of. But after that hump, you are healed. Trust me.

smoot99 · 2025-11-25T05:29:46+00:00

if you don't have kids and she didn't take everything you own, you are in good shape but you have to move on one way or another. That would also be the way to get her back, but that should not be your goal.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-11-25T04:47:55+00:00

The loss is worse than a death for a while and you have to keep feeling the pain for a while. The loss is tremendous and the pain of feeling like it could somehow be salvaged is so much worse. Keep seeing all these feelings, it’s so healthy and part of healing.

To get over the mountain and find your future self you have to step outside the dead relationship and see and love yourself fully. Forgive yourself and don’t worry about being in denial or forgetting the pain because you’ll always remember.

Love yourself enough to see that her happiness or desire for a different life are in fact a result of HER choices and HER problems and HER search for happiness. Her happiness is not a reflection on you or something you did or didn’t do.

Don’t drink or use drugs. Be kind to yourself if you have some restless nights then try to get some sleep.

Ride the waves and keep swimming even if it’s slowly at first.

nomohydro · 2025-11-24T22:57:37+00:00

The other things I'm struggling with is analyzing what I could have done better and have a lot of shame and guilt.

I also joined a DivorceCare program that starts up next week. I guess it's a good program that meets once a week for several weeks to discuss various topics about getting/being divorced.

Mental_Antelope_7202 · 2025-11-24T22:03:55+00:00

Divorce to me was like removing the rose colored lenses. Now I’m all about myself… and my children. And I’m better man because of it.

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-11-24T21:41:09+00:00

Be thankful there's no kids. Unfortunately her chicken head friends got to her or she believed some dumb shit she saw on TikTok. She better pray she never gets off that GLP because that will come back double.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-11-24T21:32:55+00:00

If there are no kids involved, you are blessed my man. You WILL get better.

Odd-Zone-2635 · 2025-11-30T04:05:10+00:00

Brother, I am genuinely sorry for the raw, brutal pain you are experiencing right now. This feeling—the fever dream, the obsession, the lack of sleep—is the absolute worst part of the process, and every man here has lived through it.

First, understand this: The loss of a 13-year daily routine, laughter, and connection is a trauma. It feels surreal because your brain is trying to process a massive psychological disconnect: the person who was your safe harbor is now the source of your deepest pain. Be kind to yourself as you walk through this fire.

Now, let's look at the two dangerous traps you are currently stuck in:

The "Good Woman" Trap (The Cracker Barrel Kindness)

You said, "I almost hate that she's such a good woman because it makes the loss all the more palatable."

This is the emotional hook that is keeping you from healing.

The kindness (meeting you for Thanksgiving, being "easy" on the finances) is not kindness for you; it is kindness for her. It is a way for her to manage her guilt and maintain a positive self-image as she executes the exit strategy.

The Trap: Every time she offers this kindness, your brain says, "See? We have a connection! We can still be friends! I can win her back!"

The Reality: The emotional connection you feel is preventing you from accepting the structural, legal, and romantic termination of the relationship. A good woman doesn't blindside her partner of 13 years and then offer a pity meal as a farewell. She’s being cordial and guilt-minimizing.

Strategic Mandate: You must shut down the emotional access immediately. The Cracker Barrel meet-up, while sweet, is actually toxic to your healing.

The Bargaining Trap ("Winning Her Back")

Your ex-wife's answer—"never say never but I've moved on"—is the kindest possible way of saying, "It is completely over, and I am not fighting for this relationship."

She is enjoying her new life (40 lbs lighter, new focus) and the power she has over you. When you promise to "change things up and win her back," you are giving her free validation that she is still desirable and that her abandonment was justified.

Action Step: Implement Absolute No Contact (NC).

The only way to break the obsession, the dreams, and the longing is to cut off the supply line of communication.

Strictly Business: If you must communicate (finances, paperwork), use email and stick to the Robotic Scribe: facts, dates, logistics only.

No Emotional Check-ins. Do not ask how she is doing or how her new life is going. Block her social media. Every piece of information is fuel for the fire of obsession.

The Path Forward (It Gets Better When You Pivot)

Does it get better? Yes, absolutely. But it only gets better when you stop thinking about her and start focusing on your future self.

The biggest mistake men make in this phase is making "winning her back" their life mission. Make your mission radically improving your life for yourself.

The Change-Up: You told her you were going to change things up. Do it. Join the gym she wouldn't join. Go for those walks. Not for her, but because the man who wins the future needs a clear mind and physical energy.

Reclaim Your Life: The moment you stop sending energy across the firewall, you will start generating energy for yourself. That energy is what pays off the financial settlement, rebuilds your social circle, and eventually makes you attractive to the next chapter of your life.

The crushing pain is a sign that you loved deeply. Use that depth of focus to build your new life now. Get through the holidays with NC, and then commit to the changes you deserve. You've got this.

Title	This is just brutal, getting divorced in a few weeks.
Author	nomohydro
Upvotes	23
Comments	67
Date	November 24, 2025 9:30 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1p5tsqd/this_is_just_brutal_getting_divorced_in_a_few/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/this-is-just-brutal-getting-divorced-in-a-few.1567331 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567331

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