What would you have done?

playerknowmore · 2023-04-02T19:58:57+00:00

I wouldn't care what kind of house I could afford if I got to walk out of the marital home kids in tow. I would rather build my empire from scratch than let my children be raised by a single mother with the dysfunctional relationships that follow.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-04-02T19:57:48+00:00

Don't move out before the divorce is final. Here's why: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-04-02T21:27:41+00:00

Do not move out of your house.

derelictherds · 2023-04-02T21:32:22+00:00

I wouldn't move out before the divorce is final

Orator270 · 2023-04-03T12:36:02+00:00

My sister is an interior designer. After I got divorced, she came over and completely re-decorated in a style that was still classy and soon as my style, but it also made my new house feel like a home .

Getting a divorce does not mean you can live like you did in college. Part of the reason it’s hard to move out of the house because there is a level of comfort. Your couch have the perfect improving it for your body. There’s a certain scent when you walk in the door and it feels Homie. But all of these things are actually superficial and you can re-create them in your own environment.

Plus, re-decorating your own house preoccupied your mind. It gives you something to do. And I even made it a weekly thing. This week on Friday I’m going to get a couch. Next week I’m going to get a paint color the next week I’m going to do yardwork.

Another thing that helped was to start creating happy memories in the home. I’m sorry to teach myself to cook so I ordered a meal prep kick from blue apron. Honestly, just having food cause he in the house and having that smell absorbing to the walls has made the home start to feel a little bit better. And I find myself getting excited to come home.

Create some atmosphere and comfort in your own house as well. Get some comfortable slippers for when you walk in the door. I swear go to bed Bath & beyond they have lotions and room spray that are catering for men. I just coming home and having a hot shower and plugging in a room air freshener that smells like pine and bourbon really does help make a house a home.

My last bit of advice would be to throw a party in your new location. Maybe not even a big party. Maybe just getting the boys together and watching the game or a barbecue. But start creating happy memories in this new place. And will start to feel less empty. Get to know your neighbors as well. One of the things with divorces we tend to disappear from the world. Don’t let that happen. Great positive associations in every way that you can with this new place.

Apprehensive-Cost496 · 2023-04-03T13:46:46+00:00

Hey OP, I can give some advice as I recently bought a house 3 months ago and have since started to make it my Sanctuary. On the outside, one could call it a downgrade from the marital home because it is smaller and older. However, I consciously chose this because A). Not taking an equity buyout would have put me in a financially precarious position and B). I didn't want the memories from the old place to be with me moving foward. I am totally convinced this was the right decision and I'm very happy with it as I have better neighbors, a bigger backyard, more garage space and a fire pit (hey, it's a win for me!)

Someone said it, but hiring an interior decorator is a great idea, I did that to help give me some suggestions and it was a massive help to get going. I decorated the way I want, I have my home theatre space and now my garage is also finished so I can work out there comfortably! My next project is to do some landscaping to really make the backyard my own. One important thing: Spend your time at 1st to make your kids rooms really special for them. My kids are also very young so I made comfortable beds, stickers, etc. to really make it special and comforting for them. Now, they love to run to bed since it feels like a warm and special space. Don't look at having to move as a downgrade but an opportunity and you will do fine. If I can do it, you can too!

tecnic · 2023-04-03T01:36:00+00:00

It's my father in laws house and he is not renewing my lease. Basically - being forced out of this house... The divorce is not final and won't be until well after they try to evict me. Police are being called on each other almost daily, I've never been at fault.
She has had a TRO and 2 CPS investigations against her and tried to abduct the kids in a drunken rage at bedtime the other night, they sleep at home with me & she has moved to her mom's house. My lawyer wants me to get out of this highly volatile situation & says that the kids would benefit from me moving out. My gut tells me to stay... What do you think?

yosemitesam00 · 2023-04-02T22:19:33+00:00

@op Question, why do you think that you need to move out?

Ever-learning271 · 2023-04-02T22:40:19+00:00

Don’t move if not “needed”…stand your ground unless it’s you who “wants” to leave the relationship….period!

Cute-sailorboyz · 2023-04-02T22:43:54+00:00

If moveout isn’t required don’t. If someone wants to leave let her….

ranger69danger · 2023-04-03T00:00:54+00:00

Do not move out. Do not step down your quality of life with respect to 1) family time and future family time, 2) the domicile you deserve.

Trust me man, no one is giving you a blue ribbon for living in a flophouse or a home that is not fit for you. Treat yourself well in this process.

Don’t move out

No-Exit6560 · 2023-04-03T11:17:26+00:00

Should really check into a parental agreement.

You can get them before divorce is finalised, essentially puts everything major regarding the kids in writing.

Fit_Poem_1071 · 2023-04-03T15:48:46+00:00

I didn't move out. I actually regret moving to the basement, and if I had it to do over, I'd have stayed in the master until she ran to the basement lol. This time with the kids was extremely important for us. I just kept telling the younger kids that if I disappear, it's because mom isn't allowing me to see you. I also kept my oldest (15) in the loop fully.

Basically, there is no chance I'd move out, even though I initiated the divorce

Title	What would you have done?
Author	tecnic
Upvotes	12
Comments	15
Date	April 2, 2023 6:05 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/129sye4/what_would_you_have_done/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-would-you-have-done.1207088 https://theredarchive.com/post/1207088

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