Approaching women?

RealRussShackleford · 2023-02-02T18:14:14+00:00

I met my current gf through a cold approach. Here’s my take.

If you want to cold approach, you need to do an honest assessment of your own abilities to read people. If you realize you’re not that great at reading people you probably shouldn’t be doing a lot of cold approaches.

Let me add when I say this I don’t mean you have a strong confidence all the women want you. What I mean is that you can immediately sense when a woman doesn’t want you talking to them and instantly disappear.

As long as you have the ability to do that you’ll be fine. If you sense she’s uncomfortable, don’t try to assess why or anything stupid like that. Simply “Well it was a pleasure to meet you” then disappear.

If you’re incapable of that you don’t need to be cold approaching women in public.

pinkochre · 2023-02-02T15:10:17+00:00

Every time I've been "approached" successfully it was by a friend or mutual friend of someone else, in a low pressure setting. A slow approach if you will. It's nice to know someone a little bit before they ask you out, as a complete stranger coming up to and asking you out can set off alarm bells in a woman's head. Logically I know 98% of men are safe with good intentions but a small part of me wonders if I'm going to end up assaulted/murdered if I agree to go somewhere with a complete stranger. So that's my two cents. It's good to build rapport with someone before asking them out is basically what I'm saying.

My current boyfriend (and hopefully husband one day!) approached me at a work happy hour after having chatted a few times at work and offered me a little taste of porto he brought to the office as I was still working when everyone else was drinking. It was nice because this showed me that he liked me, and even though I had to decline going out that night as I already had plans I ended up asking him out the next weekend to grab a drink. It just struck me as a nice gesture and I didn't feel too put on the spot.

Hope this helps! And good luck

stokroteczka_011 · 2023-02-02T15:15:04+00:00

there are no hard rules on this topic. some women like it, some don't. If you want to approach, I'd advise you to do it in the right moment. for example not when a woman is talking on the phone (I've had man approach me while I was clearly talking to someone on the phone and it always annoyed me).

And very important: give her your number, instead of asking for hers!!! I've always felt incredibly uncomfortable when someone asked me for my number, sometimes I gave it just because I was not bold enough to say no. I always blocked the guys as soon as they texted me. When you give her your number, you will know that she clearly is interested if she texts you.

xvszero · 2023-02-02T17:54:06+00:00

Like most things in life, it's complicated. There are no hard rules. A few things worth considering though:

-Many women say they don't like being approached in spaces where they can't walk away if they want to. For instance, at their job, on the subway, etc.

-This one is tough because it's one of the obvious settings for meeting people, and maybe there is some flex room here, but a lot of women say they don't like being approached at places that both of you regularly frequent, because if something feels off about the attempt, now she has to keep seeing you over and over. Classes you take together, the gym, local grocery store, etc.

-If they're giving off signs of not wanting to talk, leave them alone.

-If they tell you to leave them alone, then absolutely leave them alone. You're done, say goodbye and walk away, and don't come back a week later and try again.

Also, despite what red pill tries to tell you, most women prefer guys loosely within their same age range, give or take 5 or 10 years. If you're like 40 and hanging out at places 20 year olds hang out to hit on them, you're going to come off as a massive creep.

Always keep in mind that for a lot of women, you're not the only one approaching them, many men are, and even if you are truly "nice" a lot of men are more aggressive about this stuff, and she has no way of knowing what type of man you are going to be in advance. So imagine situations where getting constantly hit on by men, many of which are very bad at reading signs or taking no for an answer, would make certain things difficult, and then consider whether you would be contributing to that.

What's the alternative though? I don't know. Dating sites / apps I guess, or like local events related to your interests and such. But honestly even though I know it still happens in big numbers I don't personally know much of anyone who met their partner offline.

DetermineAssurance · 2023-02-02T14:36:33+00:00

From what I've read on female subs, women don't like to be approached. This is also what Black Pillers believe.

Only Red Pillers and PUAs say the opposite.

mikayrodr · 2023-02-02T19:13:48+00:00

Positive approach: talking to me as a normal person about a shared interest or making a light hearted observation or approached by a friend of a friend in a low pressure setting. Understands if I say I’m not interested and moves along

Negative approach: approached, groped, grabbed or followed in a bar. Immediately demands to buy me a drink, refuses to accept a no, lingers next to group for the remainder of the night or circles us like a bloodthirsty shark, repeatedly approaching all night

The negative approach is what most often happens

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-02-03T02:05:14+00:00

Yeah it's normal to approach, it's a compliment done right (I'm a girl)

You have to bare in mind woman get approached a lot and some are rude about it.

If you respect them as people and are just talking about something situational or sharing that you like them/ think they're pretty. What a lovely experience. Regardless if they reciprocate or not, they should feel flattered

It's how all relationships started at one point in time. :)

don't be deterred if one girl is rude. All girls are different and you're just being respectfully nice so feel no slight on ypur character but hers and move on :)

Nightchanger · 2023-02-02T15:49:01+00:00

MGTOW and incels do. RP is an iteration of PUA trying to be intellectuals. Never saw them actually generalize this statement.

ArtemisMinion1 · 2023-02-02T18:45:38+00:00

The point of RP in this department is that women only want to be approached by the guys they want to be approached by and take offense to being approached by anyone they do not want to be approached by.

When from the man’s POV there is absolutely no way to know what category you are in before hand.

That they IN GENERAL do not want to have to do the approaching, but then get offended when someone they are not attracted to approaches them.

Which is kinda a fair analysis concerning the women who get offended by a single attempt at a cold approach.

If there are no hard and fast rules, it is kinda nonsensical to get offended by being approached.

That said I think there are hard and fast rules about pushing the issue after rejection. At that point I think it is fair to get offended.

There is one caveat though…

How many old married women said her husband won her heart through persistence.. a whole lot.

Rumin8ting_ · 2023-02-03T02:22:25+00:00

It depends on the woman imo. I HATE being approached by strangers, with an exception to children/the elderly or people who need directions or something. A quick “excuse me, how do i get to ___ “ is fine or a quick comment maybe, but when im out im running errands i want to be left alone. I literally fast walk around with airpods in as to show im not interested in communication.

If a man were to approach me with intent to “woo” me it would probably trigger my anxiety and i would be eyeing the exits wanting to get out of the situation asap. Then again, not every woman is the same and not all woman struggle with rather intense mental health issues I do.

If i already knew the guy from somewhere else I would be more inclined to engage in conversation with him and if we are friends then i’d be happy to see him. Im sure some ladies would find an impromptu meet cute super romantic though. It’s a risky thing imo

HaveALittleGrace · 2023-02-02T15:39:11+00:00

That's the down side about humans; we all have our own preferences towards things. When a pickup artist approached me when I was on vacation, I sent him home with blue balls for a light punishment (mostly because he wasn't listening).

I prefer someone to actually try to get to know me. Yes, I have a vagina, but so do escorts, whores, and other women who don't care. I have standards thankyouverymuch. It's just so much better when you start as friends, in my opinion.

You have to escalate though or you sit in friendzones. She doesn't need to be your girlfriend right away and most women don't want to serve as your porn fantasy on the first night. Just relax, let it flow, little by little she'll open up; then you can take your chance.

2023-02-02T19:11:15+00:00

The manosohere always said that women don’t want to be approached, you’ll be labeled as a creep, it’s not worth it ect ect.

Not trying to advocate for the manosphere, but when has anyone in the manosphere ever said this? This sounds like more of a black pilled thing to say. TRP community actually started from the pickup community, and all those guys were doing was approaching women in public.

Naus1987 · 2023-02-02T22:34:41+00:00

I recommend hobby groups. It gives you a way to see other people in a more natural environment. It also lets them see you!

If you talk to someone about shared hobbies, then it opens the door for deeper conversations.

But more importantly it gives you an opportunity to be with and around people naturally. So you can see how chemistry feels without the pressure of titles.

If things feel right, you play your cards.

Nightchanger · 2023-02-02T16:07:51+00:00

Anyway. My answer is basically you can't know and best is to come to your own conclusions and judgement and hope for the best.

Any advice you'll get online falls to survivorship bias. They hit on many girls and make many attempts but you'll only see the successful ones. Those that fail are buried in criticisms and ignored like black pillers (Incels).

There are guys that get their highschool crush and sweethearts, there are those that try their best and never get any and are blamed for anything that can be hooked. There are those that become manwhores who are successful, every man has an experience with girls in one way or the other. Whether approaching in a friend's group and getting ostracized for faking it all along, others who had nice convos in the cafe and exchanged contacts, some shy guy may have been approached because he was cute.

No glove fits every hand and each case to his own. No guru, mentor, friends, male or female can help. And being a taboo subject should be even avoided as a subject. Then again you need to learn somehow and asking even with the social backlash might get you to avoid making dumb mistakes.

In other words, unless you avoid the subject of sex and are interacting on formal bases only, you're going to risk being a creep. Especially if you approach.

Normal people get a relationship and stick to it, so they can't help much as lack of bad experience or experience in general. I probably met only 3-4 guys who had more than 5 relationships at the age 25 So they can only answer with certainty with survivorship bias. The girls I met who had this amount were faking their personality to mirror the guy they liked.

And it's very rare for a person to have more than one image of the dating world. The only reason I don't and even then I'm aware of my biases. It's because I actually listen.

AccomplishedPool2581 · 2023-02-02T20:25:36+00:00

Only If you are attractive then yes

ProjectA150 · 2023-02-02T18:23:37+00:00

Red pilled people ARE the sane ones. Those who give in to modern western women to be abused and drained are the lunatics. Stay away from that disgusting beings. VGGs are not worth the costs

West-Kiwi-6601 · 2023-02-02T18:49:37+00:00

Approaching is fine as long as you Maximise the other persons autonomy, above satisfying your needs. Don't do the thing which gets you the most results, if it makes 90 percent of the women feel bad. Do the thing which makes 90 percent of women not feel bad, and eventually you'll find one who likes you for you. So for example, telling a joke and having a chit chat isn't going to make a women feel overly intimidated. Opening with hey I like your legs, some will like it, some will hate it.

Gmed66 · 2023-02-03T03:29:48+00:00

If you're very polite and approach in a friendly way (just once of course), then it's fine. As long as you immediately stop if there's any sign of poor interest.

Justicepota · 2023-03-19T08:52:00+00:00

Do you not have social media ?

Title	Approaching women?
Author	HawkTa1ons
Upvotes	8
Comments	48
Date	February 2, 2023 2:34 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/10rr8w4/approaching_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/approaching-women.1150336 https://theredarchive.com/post/1150336

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