Can high promiscuity damage you psychically ?

spiraldinosaur · 2023-10-23T14:08:02+00:00

OK there's lots of topics here to cover.

Casual sex is not inherently irresponsible, nor shallow. It's perfectly possible to have casual sex with people and still respect them, in the same way it's perfectly possible to go to a party with someone or go to a concert or whatever other fun things people like to do. Two people (or hey, maybe more) want to have a pleasurable and enjoyable experience together, so they do. Nobody has to be harmed, nobody has to be disrespected, nobody has to be devalued or objectified or treated as disposable.

Of course, some people have an irresponsible and shallow approach to casual sex. Some people do treat their casual partners with disrespect and objectification. But some people also do this with their long term partners. It is not an attitude that is exclusive or even strictly correlated with promiscuity.

Does promiscuity damage you psychologically? Again, not necessarily. It most likely wouldn't be the promiscuity itself but the people someone shares that promiscuity with. If someone is regularly hooking up with bad people who have a negative impact on them, then that's going to do some damage. But again, similarly, a long term relationship that's unhealthy or even abusive would also cause psychological damage.

Often it simply comes down to empathy and understanding of each other. If you approach relationships - casual or serious - with empathy and consideration of the other person (and if you have relationships with people who do the same in return), then you'll likely have good relationships and won't end up hurting yourself or someone else.

Personally I believe in sexual freedom. I believe everyone should be free to enjoy sex and live out their sex lives however they wish. If you want to stay celibate, fine. If you want to wait until marriage, go ahead. If you only one to have sex with people you have a close bond with, you do that. If you want to fuck around with total strangers, be my guest. Nobody should be judged for how they choose to share their body with others, but everyone should do so with awareness of their actions and the impact it will have on themselves and other people. If everyone would do that then the world would be a much better place.

As for your girlfriend and her fears; I'd say she just needs to see a therapist who can work with her to help her overcome her anxiety. Probably some basic CBT would help, you can even do that with self help books. Yes, hormonal contraceptives can indeed have side effects which include mood fluctuations and changes in behaviour, libido, and thought patterns. So that's something to think about. But there are many different types of hormonal contraceptives that work differently for different women, and there are also non-hormonal contraceptives. All have pros and cons, and it's an important conversation to have to establish which options would be best for both of you.

taquito_kitty · 2023-10-23T13:16:45+00:00

Only if you get an STD that's either left untreated or incurable.

Allusionator · 2023-10-23T13:31:08+00:00

You know how ‘cool’ people can get along quickly/easy with anyone? Some folks have that for sex, seems like a lot of fun for them. There is nothing disgusting or shameful about consenting adults getting each other off, you don’t have to do it but also you don’t have to worry about it making you less-than for not doing it.

You personally have some inappropriate sexual desire issues that I can undesyand would make you wary of it in general. Maybe part of the root of those are you being afraid of judgement from a partner? Mutual masturbation with a safe/intimate/loved partner is a way to explore pleasure together without risking anything to your health. There’s also millions of aces living full lives completely sex free, and a spectrum of people having sex very rarely and not thinking much of it. We’re just monkeys who live for a cosmic instant, we don’t need to be so concerned either way because there are a million different ways to manage our network of relationships and that can involve as much or as little sex as we want.

SweelFor- · 2023-10-23T16:06:26+00:00

Anything can damage you psychologically. Not everything will damage you psychologically. High promiscuity is not something that will automatically hurt people psychologically, in any particular way.

Me and my girlfriend never had sex because she's scared shitless that she'll get pregnant

It makes sense that she would be scared to get pregnant, if you don't use any of the existing solutions against pregnancy?

Have you considered pregnancy planning solutions? It sounds like you haven't and I wonder why not?

the last thing I need is for her to take hormonal pills or anti-conception. Like, I really don't have any experience with this but if high body count doesn't fuck you up then the pills definitely will

I don't understand what you're saying. Are you saying that taking the pill will "fuck you up"? The pill can have side effects, and she should talk about it with her doctor is she wants to, but to "fuck her up" seems extreme and unrealistic.

I personally think it's irresponsible and shallow to have casual sex.

How so? What about it is irresponsible and shallow?

Because honestly I am shocked at how hypersexual everyone is

What is shocking? What do you consider hypersexuality to be? Why do you think that everyone is it?

It also pisses me off that sex before marrige is inherently linked to religion, when to me it just makes sense practically.

How does it make sense practically? Abstinence before marriage is linked to almost only negative outcomes.

but because of the damn health problems it comes with.

Again I have to ask if you're aware that, for example, condoms exist?

things like shame... and disgust... And unwillingness to be naked

This sounds like a description of how you feel. This doesn't inform us about society. It informs us about you.

It sounds like because you are shamed about your sexuality, you feel resentment toward everyone else's sexuality and that's why it displeases you so much.

I have no interest in sex

If you have no interest in sex, then maybe the question becomes: do you and your gf actually want to have sex? Because if yes, you need to find a solution. If not, then there isn't a problem to be solved, and I wonder what you're so upset about.

But I did hear that it can have damiging effects

Of course it can have damaging effects. Crossing the street can have damaging effects. Sleeping too much or too little can have damaging effects.

I don't see how this information that sex can potentially have damaging effects, affect your life?

Stargazer1919 · 2023-10-23T15:41:14+00:00

I have to ask... are you two waiting for marriage to have sex? There's nothing inherently wrong with that. But a lot of couples who do that expect their fears/insecurities/misunderstandings about sex to go away once they are married. It doesn't work like that. You don't want the beginning of your marriage to be stuck in a dead bedroom.

Honest-Teas · 2023-10-23T18:21:42+00:00

Numerous people have addressed your beliefs regarding sex, but I haven’t seen anyone point out that hormonal birth control, while it can have negative side effects for some people, is not universally damaging or harmful.

For some, it is the treatment of choice for gynecological conditions like endometriosis or PCOS. When it treats those conditions well, that is generally something that is helpful to overall health including mental health. Many, many women are on hormonal birth control without being “fucked up” by it.

the_sea_witch · 2023-10-23T22:35:51+00:00

No neither of those things are true. Conservatives are spreading false info. Birth control is one of the safest drugs out there. Used by hundreds of millions of women for decades. The pair bonding thing is also complete bullshit. Taken from some random study on birds ffs.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-10-23T14:42:52+00:00

Like you have the right to sleep with whoever you want but... I personally think it's irresponsible and shallow to have casual sex.

Whats wrong with being shallow? We all do shallow things to enjoy ourselves like a little bit of gaming or partying and there is nothing wrong with that in moderation.

but because of the damn health problems it comes with

Do you mean STDs? You really need to clarify that. The vast majority of STDs aren't that harmful. Like herpes are just blisters which isn't ideal but isn't going to kill you. Our diets and inactive lifestyles are hurting our health far more than STDs do for the vast majority of people.

And she's already mentally unstable as is and the last thing I need is for her to take hormonal pills or anti-conception.

There are way more birth control methods than that. For example the classic condom.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control

Like, I really don't have any experience with this but if high body count doesn't fuck you up then the pills definitely will.

Do you have any research-based evidence that birth control pills are very harmful to people?

Me and my girlfriend never had sex because she's scared shitless that she'll get pregnant.

I suggest she have a conversation with a Gynecologist.

meangingersnap · 2023-10-23T15:54:14+00:00

I had casual sex now I can see the future even better than before

BlissfulBlueBell · 2023-10-23T18:06:01+00:00

Depends on the person. Some people are sexual and can engage in a lot of it with a lot of different partners and not feel anything. Other people only have sex in relationships. And then there's people who don't care about it at all.

All of it is okay as long as they aren't being pressured into a decision or preferences

xvszero · 2023-10-23T17:29:58+00:00

Can it? Sure, lots of things can.

Will it? Depends on the person, obviously.

SufficientDot4099 · 2023-10-23T17:55:50+00:00

DMD12345 · 2023-10-23T19:16:20+00:00

As long as you’re careful and don’t get any STD’s or engage in any extreme hardcore kinks you should be fine lol

Venustarr_777 · 2023-10-23T19:20:04+00:00

I don't like the idea of casual sex. It's never made me happy or anything.

PropheticNightmare · 2023-10-25T01:28:30+00:00

Having many sexual partners is not inherently damaging physically or mentally. There are risks with being sexually active like pregnancy and STDs. But you can use condoms to significantly reduce the spread of STDs, though there is still some risk. But just like driving a car has risks of a crash, to many people the benefits outweigh the risks. You can also reduce the risk of STDs even more by limiting sexual partners to only people you trust and then having an open discussion with them and going to get mutually tested for STDs before becoming sexually active with them. You can essentially reduce risk to almost zero that way.

And yes pregnancy is always a risk for PIV sex. But again you can significantly reduce that risk. You can use condoms, which have absolutely no side effects but aren't the most effective. But they can also be used with other methods of BC for even more protection. Women can also take birth control like pills, which can have side effects, but not everyone will experience those. Many women actually get beneficial side effects from birth control pills! Like reduced menstrual pain, reduced acne, reduced mood swings around their periods. Then there are many other forms of birth control out there. The implant, nuvaring, IUD (hormonal and non hormonal), and depending on the country you are in even some non hormonal birth control pills. All with various side effects and benefits. There is also plan B is the event of condom failure, which cannot be used as birth control, but can prevent pregnancy in an emergency if unprotected sex does occur. And there is also abortion, which I'll talk about a little bit down below.

There are many myths about side effects of sex. Like myths about ability to fall in love. Myths about loosening or damage to the vagina. And I'm sure many others. Sexual promiscuity doesn't cause mental harm either but it can be associated with it. Many people become sexually promiscuous because they are looking for love and attention and it's an easy way to get it. But that was a previously existing issue, the sex was the side effect and not the cause. And many people engage in frequent sex simply because they enjoy it and not because of insecurity.

It sounds like you have a lot of shame around sex and in your mind have associated it so deeply with sex you only fantasize in that way. This is actually very common with people who are raised in very religious households or households with a lot of sexual shame. There is even a condition, vaginismus, where some women have extreme pain/difficulty having sex and it can be caused by shame surrounding sex. Many men may experience something similar like erectile dysfunction because of shame.

Going back to being raised in a household ashamed of sex. Yes it sounds like that was your household and that you have been fed many myths and a lot of family shame and because of that developed complicated feelings surrounding sex. I saw the mention of someone you know having several abortions and regretting it. I will not deny that some women are mentally impacted negatively by getting an abortion, but still think it's the right choice. And some may regret it completely later. But other women actually feel relieved after having an abortion. Remember that every person and choice is unique. But again, I would challenge you to think of this as a side effect in certain cases and not a direct cause of emotional difficulties. In the case of a woman having several abortions, which is also exceedingly rare statistically, it means they were likely not using protection. Someone having sex without protection and choosing to have multiple medical procedures instead is very odd behavior, and maybe they had some sort of outside mental health issues causing them to make poor choices. While they may have regret surrounding the situation, they probably needed other treatment and it wasn't sex that led to them having difficulties.

I would highly encourage you to see a therapist to discuss the myths and shame you were raised with. They can help you understand a little bit about why you feel the way you do. And maybe even help you change your feelings. Although you do not need to have sex to be happy and you are just as valid if you choose not to.

Top_Radio_9436 · 2023-10-23T17:05:34+00:00

You are an individual with your own needs, wants and preferences. Stick to your guns, do what's right for you and don't compare yourself to others or think you have to live according to social norms. It's fine to be at odds with social norms as long as it doesn't violate the rights of others.

It's best to just stop worrying what other people are doing with their private parts or what they think and focus on what's right for you. There is no need to be "pissed off" about anything like that, just live and let live. Sure people will make assumptions if you deviate from social norms, but who cares? If you are secure in yourself it is not a problem.

Anecdotally, I've known people who were sexually repressed, bitter and not satiating themselves enough because of shame or fear of judgement; that's really stupid to me. I've ALSO known people who have had casual sex just because "everyone else does" and regretted it or found it degrading; thats also stupid.

saul_goodman_gaming · 2023-10-23T22:43:42+00:00

Anyone telling you casual sex doesn’t destroy your pair bonding abilities is lying to you, anyone that tells you birth control doesn’t ruin your hormones is lying to you (or just completely fooled by the giant pharma companies they claim to hate). This is the worst sub you can ask either of these questions in, study after study show both of these and all you’ll get in response is “uh I disagree with the research methodology 🤓”, there’s no rational conversation to be had.

operation-spot · 2023-10-23T18:13:42+00:00

I don’t mean to burst your bubble but you need to get away from that girl since you already know she’s mentally unstable. You cannot save her, nor should you.

Unorganized-Poetry · 2023-10-23T22:46:44+00:00

All I'll say is that most women I've talked to who engaged in casual sex said it was not worth it and they don't even orgasm. I'd advise women to not do hookups. It mostly benefits men. Of course there are outliers sometimes though.

Edit: I am a woman and personally it's also not for me

Direct_Yesterday_349 · 2023-10-24T12:20:30+00:00

I didn’t bother reading the entire post because you mentioned two major red flags:1. She’s mentally unstable, 2. She won’t be intimate with you. You’re in a horrible situation and need to walk away and let her seek help and work on herself. If you have issues also you may also need to unplug from dating and work on yourself . The outcome of a relationship where some form of mental health issue is involved is never a good one.

Title	Can high promiscuity damage you psychically ?
Author	lordDandas
Upvotes	8
Comments	60
Date	October 23, 2023 12:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/17ejjqv/can_high_promiscuity_damage_you_psychically/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/can-high-promiscuity-damage-you-psychically.1236147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236147

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