Anyone else attract emotionally distant/unavailable men?

Aggressive-March · 2020-01-21T00:37:32+00:00

Me! Except they future fake at first then later on reveal they’re emotionally cold.

Parking-Act · 2020-01-21T01:26:45+00:00

Thats most men unfortunately, it's not you it's men!

MidnightCarp · 2020-01-21T00:33:04+00:00

Could simply be statistics, in that men on average have less emotional depth and intensity, so many and probably even the majority of them will come across as emotionally distant to many of us. You run into this type of men all the time, guys who sort of just go with the flow, they have a nice career and a nice social life and a nice relationship but none of that seems really emotionally important to them. They don't have a drive for intense affection and closeness or miss their partner when she's gone, because most of the time they're not feeling anything really, they're just going about their day.

These guys can probably be pretty stable partners so I guess it has its upsides too, but in most cases you'll always feel like they take you for granted and don't put in any effort to keep the spark alive. In any case it's not about whether you inspire it in them or not, so just keep looking if you notice a guy is like this!

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-21T01:42:30+00:00

You don't attract them specifically, it's just most men are like this. You have to weed out the losers early and with a quickness.

Canilive5592 · 2020-01-21T00:16:46+00:00

Yep this is 100% me

SaddleUpBucephalus · 2020-01-21T01:45:58+00:00

You need to figure out what it is you're missing or where you feel empty that you're CHOOSING men like this. I highly recommend the blog/book Baggage Reclaim for this issue specifically. Her stuff should really be required reading and in the sidebar.

supremelyparanoid · 2020-01-21T00:21:56+00:00

My issue too. Could have to do with the fact they know that we’re good at seeing through their shit so they have to withhold any emotion.

ThatsWhat__I__Said · 2020-01-21T14:10:59+00:00

Honey you're not really attracting them, they're constantly on the lookout for what they hope are vulnerable women. They're opportunistic creeps.

Saying that you "attract" them puts the onus on you, when they are the sick ones seeking to hurt and use others.

PrettyAlien · 2020-01-21T01:03:59+00:00

Not trying to be hard-ass here, but could it possibly be because... You choose them?

I've been that girl many times over playing the good old push-and-pull game. Underneath it, it was my childhood/family trauma being triggered. I thought, if I can just change to be the person this emotional deadbeat bf/crush wants me to be, I will have "won" his love. Insert romanticizing said emotional deadbeats and the potential to fix them up ("I can bring him out of his shell! I just have to be special enough!"), and voila.

In closer examination, after a lot of repeating the same relationship disappointments, and a lot of self-work, therapy, I see it for what it is - I thought I had to "earn" love, approval, respect, empathy in childhood by being the right kind of daughter. It's a yearning for something familiar that I've associated with love, but isn't love.

My point is your current habits are not your fate. You may have to fight like hell and have your buttons pushed over and over again when you meet these emotionally cold dudes, but if you want to be free of this bullshit badly enough, you can and you will do it. ❤️

honestgoing · 2020-01-21T01:23:09+00:00

No not really. I'd feel emotionally neglected.

ny-lady · 2020-01-21T01:48:56+00:00

While more men are just not today, look into your attachment.

If your an Anxious Preoccupied attached person you tend to attract Avoidant Attached men. Avoidant and Anxious types have this pull to each other even though you don't fit. The anxious-avoidant dance.

To add, this goes for both genders male lurkers.

2020-01-21T11:52:46+00:00

i doubt i will ever be emotionally satisfied in a relationship. sigh.

turquoiseblues · 2020-01-21T05:08:01+00:00

Please read and listen to everything by Natalie Lue.

Title	Anyone else attract emotionally distant/unavailable men?
Author	Whateverrr_345
Upvotes	75
Comments	29
Date	January 21, 2020 12:14 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ermcyv/anyone_else_attract_emotionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/anyone-else-attract-emotionally-distantunavailable.684385 https://theredarchive.com/post/684385

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