Beware your male friends

circescircus · 2020-01-03T07:40:05+00:00

[deleted]

plutunic · 2020-01-03T08:40:22+00:00

back in the day before it became taboo, i once changed my relationship status to single on Facebook and the dick brigade showed up. i deleted every guy that liked the post. 🤷

levelupcleverup · 2020-01-03T10:55:37+00:00

I had a couple of guy “friends” that I realized liked having me around because of my beauty, charm, and feminine energy. They are/were total mansplainers, non-supportive, and condescending. I would always leave our exchanges feeling drained.

I also started taking religious education classes with a guy in his eighties (!). Old boy had the audacity to ask me to get coffee and called me a “beautiful thing.” Bro. (I had done a makeup class with him without anyone else. Never again.)

Men are not your friends.

ceilingkatwatchesus · 2020-01-03T08:13:59+00:00

Omg. This. I have had so many male friends for years that tried to push themselves on me when drunk or try to kiss me when I did go to them for emotional support. It’s all BS, blocked and deleted them. I tested one “friend” by saying I was interested and he said, “ oh great. I’ve been meaning to have sex with you for years.” Like bruh, blocked.

BasieSkanks · 2020-01-03T11:22:12+00:00

I always thought it was a bad thing that I don’t have any close Male friends. But these stories have made me realise that it’s probably a good thing.

Ms_Tilly · 2020-01-03T12:10:10+00:00

Their lack of self awareness never fails to amaze me. I tried being friends with a guy once. He kept hinting that our friends hoped we'd get together. Every time I shut that down he would ignore me and say oh they just want to see us happy. I finally messaged all of our friends and said DONT ENCOURAGE HIM. I stopped wanting to be around him because of it. He was gross and had tonsil stone breath. He was also totally irresponsible with money and very good at ruining his own life. 50 yrs old and completely aimless. Why would he think for one second he had anything to offer me or any other woman?

circescircus · 2020-01-03T13:58:47+00:00

Male friends are just waiting for you to break up with your boyfriend, so they can hit it. If not that, then they are using you for emotional labor. A lot get off on having access to your life, having your undeserved trust and confidence in them, as if they're somehow different than a random dude on the street who wants your attention, trust and time. They use friendship as a loophole to get access to you, that you otherwise would not give them.

Snowlamp · 2020-01-03T12:13:37+00:00

This appears to be where I have been going wrong. Most of my friends are men and I have only ever been involved with men who were my friends for years first.
They were not the good men they pretended to be for all those years.

I thought knowing someone first would be safe. Also, as men usually just ask me for sex (and not a date) these friends were the only men who bothered to talk to me (in some cases for many many years) before showing interest in that way. So I ended up with them.
6 months in it changes. The narcissistic controlling behaviour starts.
I'm not going through all of that again, and that is why I am here!

nymphaetamine · 2020-01-03T10:05:39+00:00

Truth.

Almost every male friend I've ever had has tried to put the moves on me at some point. I used to think that time was the true test of a man's intentions, if he didn't hit on you early on then that meant he was cool and a real friend but nope! Some guys are just very patient. I had one friendship with a guy last 7 whole years before he tried to get with me, and then got butthurt when I turned him down. He thought that me laughing at his jokes meant I was interested. A male friend even raped me after showing zero interest aside from friendship for like 5 years. It honestly really pisses me off and damages my already very fragile ability to trust anyone. You think you know someone, you think their intentions are honorable, but then you find out that they never actually valued your company or your friendship, they were just waiting for their chance to sleep with you. Fucking vultures. It really sucks cause I'm in an industry that's highly male-dominated and I don't really have the free time outside of work to meet new friends, so my friend options are pretty much limited to coworkers but I can't trust the intentions of men who try to befriend me anymore.

I'm at the point now where I'm just not interested in being friends with men unless they're gay. At least then I have SOME modicum of proof that they're not just out to get in my pants.

Nifteroni-and-Cheese · 2020-01-03T16:52:40+00:00

I was friends with this guy since middle school, we’ve been standing by each others through thick and thin, went to collage different places and still stayed friends. He made a drunken pass at me over Christmas break and I had to physically push him away because he didn’t take me turning my head so he couldn’t kiss me as a sign to stop. #trustnodick2020

pianogirl282 · 2020-01-03T14:43:14+00:00

It depends. I‘m not very attractive at all, and my male BFF is like my brother. I’m sure 100% he‘s not into me lol. Once he even told me that he thought I was asexual. Same as well with other male friends. If they see you as another guy, they probably won’t fuck you.

rerererereeees · 2020-01-03T20:17:32+00:00

Can I be aromantic + asexual, God? I know how ridiculous that question sounds, but.... Lord please. Men are disgusting. Wtf.

superbechidna · 2020-01-04T01:41:57+00:00

Yes! I've had male friends who I've been friends with for NEARLY A DECADE confess their "love" for me, and when I (gently) turned them down, decided that I wasn't worth speaking to ever again. All that time and emotional energy I invested in our "friendship" when he was apparently just biding his time to hit on me.

Every year a couple of my male "friends" bite the dust this way. I've gotten to the point where I only make female friends now because male friends are so rarely real friends.

Hot-apricot · 2020-01-03T08:54:58+00:00

Mine surprisingly enough didn’t! I’m still on my guard though. Maybe they’re just super super low effort, or intimidated. 😅

TrueExtent · 2020-01-03T18:59:59+00:00

I just experienced this. My guy "friend" also went through a break up recently and somehow invented the idea that he had a shot with me. This led to a bizarre conversation with him whining about his ex while also sprinkling in comments about how he found me very attractive, how he hopes I don't mind that he checks me out and also how much he likes me. Oh, and he also ranted about how much he respects women haha. Clearly. He got upset with me for acting differently around him at a New Years Eve party, and was shocked that he makes me uncomfortable. Because apparently every woman should just love being repeatedly hugged and touched by a fat, sweaty, dramatic man child who can't understand she isn't interested in him.

Don't be afraid to shut this type of crap down asap. You don't owe these assholes anything. They will try to blame you for their feelings and they will refuse to accept accountability for their actions and words. So be mean, enforce boundaries and take no shit.

shyntwyss · 2020-01-04T06:03:55+00:00

Whenever I post a new picture on facebook or anything of the like looking particularly hot, I get a stream of my old orbiters/"male friends" sending me messages asking how I'm doing. Forgot I exist until I posted a cute picture? Of course!

_HEDONISM_BOT · 2020-01-04T06:44:48+00:00

Excellent daily reminder to take ZERO shit from men.

Love it!!!

gursky0 · 2020-01-03T21:02:37+00:00

The only male friends I've had who have not turned out to be POS have either been gay, or in healthy relationships with women they absolutely adored.

riseaboveagain · 2020-01-03T13:28:26+00:00

Gay male friends are the best!

Admission: I only have one. And he’s the best.

ironymaiden87 · 2020-01-03T21:59:46+00:00

Almost the exact same thing happened to me with a guy I'd been friends with for 10 years and he knew I'd always had feelings for him. I'd just come out of a four-year relationship and he decided to fuck with my head for 10 months playing "will we won't we" (knowing I'd always wanted us to try dating) until I ended it and told him how I felt and his reaction was "sorry you feel that way, wasn't my intention though". What an absolute piece of shit. Can't believe I was hoodwinked by his "good guy" act for 10 FUCKING YEARS.

Meredeen · 2020-01-04T02:27:59+00:00

I do have two close male friends, been friends for years, neither have tried anything with me, one of them is single, the other is getting married soon. I'd take a bullet for either of them. They're the reason I don't believe all men are shitty (Thanks for nothing, Dad).

All I have to say is, "it depends" and "I'm asexual so my opinion might be worthless, (disclaimer)". I am kind of a mix of tomboy and kawaii girlish, so I appreciate the friendship of both genders.

What I do is I stop contact with guys I only want to be friends with at the first sign of anything that makes me uncomfortable, and I try to be clear up front about my uninterest in them as a partner. I have tight boundaries because I don't want a relationship (at least right now, and I don't even know what I want), and I know when I'm being pushed.

Be sure that you can be confident in yourself and your boundaries, assess the risks, and always always always trust your gut. It's better to be a "bitch" than to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation.

I totally understand where you are coming from, I've dealt with some fucking shitty men who hide their intentions.

EDIT: Forgot to add, AVOID talking about anything sexual with your guy friends. Keep a distance about that line of conversation. I avoid it because I'm not "one of the guys", I'm a girl and I have feelings and I'm not gonna talk about how shitty girls are or who they fucked. Avoid those kinds of friendships. The friendships you want are where the guy respects your boundaries and genuinely likes conversing with you and doesn't mansplain or belittle you.

Title	Beware your male friends
Author	charenton_
Upvotes	156
Comments	38
Date	January 3, 2020 5:14 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ejaq7o/beware_your_male_friends/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/beware-your-male-friends.685718 https://theredarchive.com/post/685718

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