Big facts

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-08-27T10:43:24+00:00

If it's fragile, let it break.

Incredible_Alligator · 2020-08-27T06:12:14+00:00

Yep. This is how my situationship ended. I wanted to CoMuNiCaTe and he did not. Ghosted me after 4 years of knowing each other. Fuck that guy.

ThrowawayPhotoshop11 · 2020-08-27T13:17:45+00:00

Straight facts. “This conversation is making me uncomfortable. I don’t like being vulnerable”. -ex partner

Me: “Get used to it. If we can have sex, which is the most vulnerable thing you can do, then you can be an adult and have this talk.”

Anytime a guy dodged any conversations about expectations/feelings/standards or kept it vague wasn’t the one for me. I’m a big communicator and it’s something I look for in a partner.

ms_monquis · 2020-08-27T14:12:21+00:00

This has made me so gunshy. Twice in a row I got the dreaded “I’m not in a relationship place” from men I thought had real potential. Shows what I know. EXCEPT that I’m trying to internalize exactly this — if simply asking if our relationship is on the right track ends it? It should end. Fun is fun, but I’m not going to just hang in there until he invariably finds someone else he suddenly DOES want a relationship with, leaving me doubly hurt and humiliated.

(One of them was in what he called a “serious relationship” within a few weeks of me walking away. The other one legit hasn’t been in a relationship to this day. Not wanting a relationship is valid, if true, and if CLEAR.)

baykara89 · 2020-08-27T09:29:39+00:00

whoa. Needed this

Orphanedpinkpetals · 2020-08-27T11:39:48+00:00

It would never be a relationship it would be indentured servitude

bananacirclesquare · 2020-08-27T13:52:36+00:00

Sunday I let someone go after two dates by telling him to only text me if he is in a place to see where we go. He hasn’t text me and I have been chewed up all week that I set my boundary “too soon”.

I really, really needed to see this.

emmaxos · 2020-08-27T05:42:36+00:00

Facts.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-08-27T06:09:05+00:00

I only see the TRUTH here... 👏🏻

AnniaT · 2020-08-27T08:27:28+00:00

The truth will set you free.

midnightoflight101 · 2020-08-27T14:43:29+00:00

A little while ago I was insecure about my inexperience with dating and intimacy. The guy who I was dating was extremely toxic and gaslighting. Being a virgin, I told him my expectations for sex and he: 1.) freaked out on my for wanting him to wear a condom 2.) told me that I shouldn’t know what I like 3.) chastised me for not sending nudes after the first date. 4.) told me I’d be begging to be fucked eventually so he doesn’t have to worry about taking this slow thing

A whole lot else happened like: 1.) told me he wasn’t interested in what I had to say 2.) basically called me ugly 3.) told me that I am annoying and ask too many questions 4.) rolled his eyes and claimed “we’d been cuddling all day” after I didn’t wanna do anything sexual due to the terrible experience the night before.

I know, I know. I should’ve blocked, ended it right there. But I was blinded. It was also way before I found this subreddit.

He ended up ghosting me on my birthday due to me not wanting to have sex with him and take things slow and me trying to communicate what I wanted. But, I’m so thankful he ghosted me. I’m so thankful that I didn’t give him my first time. I’ve been working on myself. I know what I want. Never again will I let anyone talk to me the way he did, or question my standards for a man like him.

purrlikabaws · 2020-08-27T13:35:56+00:00

Hi, so I have a legitimate question. I've been receiving tips and advice from wonderful queens on my previous post to not talk about my needs and expectations but, it looks like talking about our standards, feelings and everything is actually suggested to see if he respects them here? Sisters, I'm so confused

hikurangi2019 · 2020-08-27T06:19:43+00:00

Woah. :o

tigergeisha · 2020-08-27T08:12:53+00:00

Big facts indeed

7Cuervos · 2020-08-27T10:10:04+00:00

1000%

Newwavesupport3657 · 2020-08-27T15:00:14+00:00

I’m grateful for my first relationship it taught it me not only was I being mistreated a lot, (he validated my feelings and experiences so much,) but without any prompting or asking he would ask me if I was ok. “Are got ok? Is there anything I can do for you?” I’m crap with feelings.

I remember I was 15 and had a petty ass immature teacher who found out via his wife that I said he was boring. It was an early morning class and he had a mono tone voice. If your ego can’t handle a 15 year old girls criticism then you can’t handle teaching. (He was boring. And lame. Tried so hard to be funny. “Don’t do drugs! Don’t smoke!” Everyday after school. Talked slow and monotone. It was a super early class my mom forced me to go to.)

We had a rowdy class. Every was noisy. He singled me out for WHISPERING to another student who was asking questions to me to better understand the lesson and I was trying to help.

Asshole made me stand up in front of the class and told me to sit up front, silenced them entire class over my WHISPERING and said “go sit up front and we will decide what to do with you.” I was choking back tears and humiliated. Felt like my body was on fire.

Ofc when I told my mother he gaslight next and said I was distracting and the he had to stop the class cause I was distracting and he thought “you just were so glad someone liked you I think, but it was distracting to the class.” Can a 35 year old man grow the fuck up?!! 15 year old girl whispering while others are yelling?!! And now you’re telling me “I just wanted to be liked?” The peer in question was my friend I wasn’t “trying to be liked” he covertly called me unwanted after humiliating me. Abusive POS. Are you that triggered someone called you boring?! You’re like 35 I’m 15 I was a child!!

This boy I had a massive crush on who liked me too saw it. I felt so embarrassed. He stops me after class “are you ok?!!”

I’m not good with feelings so I talk like I’m on speed to avoid talking about feelings; “oh my gosh he’s so mean!! I just said he was boring and now he’s picking on me!! I was just trying to help I didn’t even do anything!!” I talked really fast while my voice is shaking and tears are stinging my eyes.

He’s not good with feelings either and said “oh yea... I don’t like him either. He made me spill my Mountain Dew.” (Basic white boy lmao.) He sounded so concerned though.

The next day he came to class with a 1 liter Mountain Dew and belched in the teacher’s direction.

He spent the entire semester after that antagonizing this immature teacher so he would leave me alone. He’d come to class everyday early and I didn’t have to come to that class with knots in my stomach anymore.

I didn’t have to come to school with knots in my stomach anymore. He’d come to class early. I got nervous when I didn’t see him but then when he came to class I could breath relief. He never missed a single class he made it his obligation to get that teacher to fuck off so he wouldn’t humiliate me and I wouldn’t get teary eyed.

(We did end up getting a nice female teacher later who was an absolute sweetheart and I even would go to see her horses but he was an asshole!!)

At one point the teacher glared at me and silenced the entire class like he was going to do it again. Boy threw a pen at his back then said it was an “accident” and the teacher laughed.

I liked him because he was sensitive and caring. We were both scape goat kids and he hated seeing me mistreated and projected the compassion he could not feel for himself onto me and was very tender with my feelings and protective.

That is a memory I hold near and dear to my heart. I never shared this but wanted to share. Sometimes childhood is the best example.

If I ever date again, if he isn’t sensitive and tender with my feelings and sweet to me then 100% not worth my time.

He did that all the time. I’m evasive and avoidant but someone he intuitively knew how to help and was compassionate and understanding. After enduring assault he was the first boy I trusted because my feelings and emotions he had so much tender regard for and he would step out of his own comfort zone to prove himself (terrified of rejection,) that I trusted my autonomy with him too. (And be was cuddly/gentle and I never had to explain my boundaries once.)

First relationship I had, and I learned what respect verses abuse looks like.

We weren’t perfect, but we were good kids.

(It was almost a backwards relationship cause he did all the emotional labor and check in’s. I counted all the times he asked me if I was ok when no one else did. Childhood friends and dated for 2 years.)

juliagh00 · 2020-08-27T12:40:46+00:00

Like with my ex bf

NihilistElfPrincess · 2020-08-27T15:45:47+00:00

ended a relationship yesterday because I expressed my feelings and he just “didn’t understand” Whatever. Moving onnnnnnn

jk1983671 · 2020-08-27T13:50:50+00:00

The truest words ever spoken

XxShykatxX · 2020-08-27T16:50:53+00:00

Just exited one of these relationships last night and I feel pretty dang great about it! I can finally breathe and find someone who accepts my feelings as feelings and not an attack onto his to then tell me how uncomfortable he was I felt that way.

nagerbomb · 2020-08-27T15:19:03+00:00

Needed to see this today

Cel_Gabe · 2020-08-27T15:22:50+00:00

Definitely high on the list of vetting questions!

even_thriller · 2020-08-27T15:27:43+00:00

My previous relationship before my current one. Yikes. Big yikes.

2020-08-27T18:35:12+00:00

So family, friends, lovers. Definitely pulled the short straw with life when it comes to people.

lifedecisions2make · 2020-08-27T20:12:40+00:00

Love this ❤ so true

ThunderofHipHippos · 2020-08-28T01:56:39+00:00

That sums up basically every problem in r/relationships

310topuppy · 2020-09-04T23:59:37+00:00

This hurts to read, but I needed this. Thank you

Title	Big facts
Author	Kimmybear22
Upvotes	2347
Comments	60
Date	August 27, 2020 5:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ihf63f/big_facts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/big-facts.169104 https://theredarchive.com/post/169104

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