This is about losing weight in particular, but it's also about how we feel about our standards for the little things, and if it's fair to ask for change.

I'm so tired of seeing so many gorgeous women in their 40's putting serious effort into their skincare, style, and health, and then they're shacked up with a beer belly disgusting husband. I feel like we've all seen it and we're all trying to avoid that guy. There's something misogynist about it: men who think they can get fat and still fuck their thin little wives, and it's fine, because men are superior enough that fatness isn't a real problem. But if the wife gets fat? Ohhh, the internet is ready to make a mockery of her and the world is prepped to invalidate her very existence.

But what about a HVM who puts effort into dressing well, taking care of their skin, eating well, and staying active...but there's some stubborn pounds around the middle?

This is where I'd love the advice of other FDS ladies. I've followed this sub long enough to learn the red flags of low effort and to run away knowing they will not change, but what about the things that aren't as black and white? Can we ask the ones we love and respect—who actually have done the significant work to deserve our love and respect—to change for us in smaller ways? Is that fair to ask of them? Is there a point where we say, "alright, you clearly are putting in more effort than 98% of the other men, so that's good enough," or am I allowed to say, "Look, conventional beauty standards have stressed me out my entire life to the degree that I've made myself a ten out of fucking ten, so you're going to have to hit the gym more often because your little gut there isn't to my taste."

If we reversed it, I'd be disgusted by any man who asked a women to lose weight. But men don't have the same all-consuming pressure that women have. Men aren't as lovely as women in the first place. Men don't have to try as hard.

What I don't want: I don't want to cause emotional damage by picking out the flaws in my partner when they work so hard to be a stellar partner. I don't want to sink into the capitalist and unfair beauty standards that dictate how people's bodies should look, because we women know the physical and emotional damage that has plagued us with those standards. I don't want to lower myself to the level of a porn sick neck beard who asks his gorgeous wife to lose 10 pounds so they can keep it up. Gross.

But there's a little piece of me who sees that gut and I know I'm never going to like it. It feels unfair because I'm extremely fit and attractive. I look like every man's wet dream, and when I walk around in public with my partner, he gets the status and looks of approval from having a sexy lady on his arm. Don't get me wrong, I get to be with a well-groomed, physically active, and well-dressed partner, too. This is someone who is putting in real effort. But shouldn't a man with a skincare routine be like...the bare minimum? Shouldn't someone who curates their closet with decent style be the norm? Shouldn't someone who styles their hair with product be expected? Shouldn't someone who eats their
veggies and goes to gym a couple times a week be what we expect of all men?! BECAUSE IT'S WHAT IS EXPECTED FROM WOMEN.

So how do we do this? Once you're in a relationship, do you get to have opinions about their weight? Do you get to ask them to change, like ever?