Communication is Overrated

_RustInPiece_ · 2021-06-14T13:53:28+00:00

This is some queen sh*t right here 💖

As for communication -

Use your FEET, not your WORDS.

Preach sis. Actions speak louder than words. FDS got me so riled up, evey time somebody asks me to cOmMuNiCaTe it's an instand red flag. They just confirmed they know nothing about actual communication yet expect me to perfom free emotional labor.

Lemon_bars_addiction · 2021-06-14T13:28:42+00:00

I’m so glad I gave up dating because I no longer have the patience to train/teach men how to treat me. I have bigger more important goals in life.

zazaleaz · 2021-06-14T13:47:45+00:00

The idea that we should have to explicitly communicate to a romantic partner that we need affection, respect, equality etc is so absurd. If he wanted to, he would.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-06-14T14:14:45+00:00

Totally!

I am a "hardcore communicator" and I always want to talk everything through, which I likely would also be in the case relationship (with a person regardless of their gender). 😄 If I don't talk things through, they start to bother me. I also know some issues can be solved with GOOD communication.

However, I am sick of it when a woman complains about her partner's behaviour (especially being selfish in bed) and people's response is to "just communicate". In many cases, she has communicated already, but her partner hasn't listened. You can't communicate alone.

People need to see the difference between not understanding and not caring. 😐

Not understanding can be fixed with communication.

"My partner doesn't know what I like in bed. So I tell them because they care about my satisfaction."

"My partner didn't understand that them forgetting this anniversary actually hurt my feelings. I tell them that it was important to me, which made them understand why I feel this way and apologize."

Not caring on the other hand cannot.

"My partner doesn't care about what I like in bed. I keep telling them, but they don't listen because they don't care about my satisfaction."

"I told my partner why forgetting this anniversary actually hurt my feelings and that it was important for me. They brush it off and think I am overreacting because it's not a big deal for them."

oh_shit_oh_fuck · 2021-06-14T14:27:15+00:00

You cannot communicate with people who refuse to listen.

nahradfam · 2021-06-14T14:14:59+00:00

One of the forms of communication which I have worked on in the last few years is to tell, not to ask.

Not

'X is on and I'd really love to do that, shall we go?'

But

'I'm going to X, are you interested or shall I call my friends?'

It's too easy to slide into not doing something because your partner isn't on board, which with my LVM ex resulted in my not doing a load of things I wanted to do, and regretting it.

I guess the ultimate form of communication is letting your actions show that you don't NEED a man, he's just a nice addition.

Basic-Fruit-6502 · 2021-06-14T13:42:53+00:00

A good person to follow on Twitter and her Laid Bare podcast is Oloni, she is a British queen and she has advice about how to get that O and making sure women get their pleasure. She’s not to everyone’s taste but some of her advice is gold!

__kamikaze__ · 2021-06-14T14:40:21+00:00

I swear communication only works with other women.

Lately I’ve been noticing that every interaction with a man either ends in conflict, or him trying to mansplain something to me. Meanwhile with women, we actually converse to share ideas or resolve issues. Realizing this I keep my conversations with men short and to the point. If it isn’t getting anywhere best to switch to “action” and abort the situation.

lansburysoda · 2021-06-14T14:52:32+00:00

I already have a job and a pet so what value does a man bring to my life besides (probably bad) sex? Every man I’ve dated has made my life worse.

mindwindansea · 2021-06-14T14:24:17+00:00

I bow to you, Queen. I do.

This post touched me and made me a bit teary eyed. Your words may not be valuable to men, but they sure as shit are valuable to me.

Your dog and job analogy- I am implanting that one in my brain.

Rule on, Voice.

msromperstomper · 2021-06-14T14:33:25+00:00

Love this advice. Keeping stuck in these horrible communication patterns is designed that way to control you. I talked to my ex until I was blue in the face - he didn't care. The feelings that would rise up in me would make ME feel out of control, but I finally realized that this was a normal reaction to an intolerable situation. You know what made me feel back in control? Detaching and taking action. You have to focus on what you can control, not on what you can't control. Take your control back and leave.

MadamLeFay · 2021-06-14T14:34:40+00:00

Too much work. I'll stay single and use all that extra time I'd spend training him on myself.

alphasquish · 2021-06-14T14:32:53+00:00

I needed to hear this today! You can speak and never be truly heard. I chose to communicate with my feet. He chose to communicate with silence and not giving a fuck, because who wants to deal with problems and do real work when there’s a pickme around the corner waiting to find such a nice guy!

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-06-14T15:11:41+00:00

Great post! Try to communicate to those bottom crawlers and they run to reddit, screaming that their woman is demanding and "negging".

Don't waste your breath on the dumb men. OP's tactic is the great when dealing with decent men, but for the majority of dumb fucks it won't work because they will pretend they don't get it or, if they are completely dumb, they will sincerely not get it, like those 50 year olds. That's your cue to abort the mission because somewhere along the road you've overestimated their intelligence.

piptarou · 2021-06-14T15:02:04+00:00

I communicate once, act once, and then quit. I don't give second chances after a break up either.

I used to communicate non-stop, but now I just don't have the time to feel sad about their inaction. Usually by the time my act has finished (2-4 weeks), I've checked out of the relationship and have already gone through the grieving process.

I've only been broken up with twice. Once when I was younger and couldn't recognize my own depression and issues, and a second time was with a mentally abusive man. I learned how to grey rock until I became so unfun to play with that he broke up with me. Anytime I tried to break up with him, he tried to contact my parents via phone and facebook. I learned from that experience and now I don't put up with shit.

Don't waste precious tears over a LVM that can't treat you with common decency. There are people out there that will treat you right without you having to ask.

Feral_Housewife_ · 2021-06-14T14:54:24+00:00

I've realized communicating is useless in my relationship. He's high value, but he's also autistic and prideful. If I try to have a discussion with him about anything that I'm actually heated about, it will accomplish nothing. He isn't good under pressure, he can't get his feelings sorted out and speak to me about them.

The best way to handle it is for me to state my issue, and then ignore him. Just not go out of my way to talk to him or touch him, don't look him in the eye, don't cuddle at night or even better - go sleep in my son's bed or the couch instead (depending on whether my son is at my house and how wiggly he is that night). I fucking freaked out about the state of the kitchen last Thursday, he just got defensive and then got quiet. So I ignored him for the next 24 hours, and when I came home from work Friday the kitchen was mostly clean. I got a little closer to him, but not back to normal 100%. By the time I got home from bringing my son to a classmate's birthday party on Saturday the kitchen was immaculate.

I don't usually go all in on avoiding him if it's just a small issue or we aren't fighting about it. It's usually just if we actually argued about the thing, as a function of my feelings being hurt and not wanting to be close to him, combined with the fact that he simply processes things better when he's left to his own devices. For something smaller I'll usually point out my issue, and then just not go out of my way to touch him or look at his face for a couple hours, and it gets the point across equally well because he's very sensitive to those things. Especially the not going out of my way to initiate physical contact, because I'm usually touching him almost constantly and he likes it a lot more than he would openly admit. Lmao.

Title	Communication is Overrated
Author	BoxingChoirgal
Upvotes	93
Comments	22
Date	June 14, 2021 1:20 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/nzmn3o/communication_is_overrated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/communication-is-overrated.782277 https://theredarchive.com/post/782277

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