Don't date players even reformed ones (avoid, avoid, avoid)(potential TW)

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-11-28T16:36:30+00:00

There’s no such thing as a ‘reformed playboy’. Playboys are abusers. And according to Lundy Bancroft - abusers don’t change because there’s no benefit to them leaving a system that benefits them.

katiekat0214 · 2021-11-28T15:49:56+00:00

After saying no ONCE and he continued, I'd be so tempted to commit battery right then and there. I wouldn't more than likely; I'm an ethical, kind person, but someone attempting to bulldoze limits and boundaries brings out my inner violent psycho bitch big time. I own it.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-11-28T16:24:04+00:00

The fact that he could have been a “player” at all show that there’s something in his mind that can easily dehumanize women. Society likes to sanitize players as just popular guys that bed a lot of women. All just fun and games! But they also lie, manipulate, cheat, play games, intentionally whittle a woman’s self-esteem, employ coercive or downright rapey tactics. Women are just pawns on the chess board for these guys, not thinking, feeling human beings. So when a guy is like “oh I’m a reformed player” I have to side-eye that he could ever do that to other people.

scorchedsouI · 2021-11-28T17:06:55+00:00

Player? That sounds like a serial rapist. A lot of the time women are raped they freeze and disassociate after their initial boundaries and crossed and disrespected. It takes guts to confront a terrible reality and scream in the face of an ape twice as strong and big as you who wants to penetrate you against your will.

dating-adventures · 2021-11-28T15:45:24+00:00

This is so true. My NVX would take “no” to doing something in the moment, then try again. I told him I didn’t feel heard. He was so used to getting sex whenever he wanted that “no” was a challenge to him.

At one point regarding doing something (not PIV) he said: “Just try it once, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to do it again.” I now realize how manipulative and gross that was of him.

QueenAlice3 · 2021-11-28T18:10:40+00:00

☝️This. Players aren’t as smooth as they think. They’re just better at using societal conditioning in women to their own advantage.

The word player needs to be permanently replaced with the word predator.

electroloop · 2021-11-28T15:26:14+00:00

The amount of women that have been coerced and RAPED with men saying “jUsT tHe TiP!!” is astounding.

I’m so sorry this happened to you OP.

Platipus6 · 2021-11-28T21:36:12+00:00

Male brains stop registering Mom's angry, scared, frowning faces at a few months old and can tune her out when she says No, Stop, Don't do that, by 6 years old.

I've had grown men completely ignore me when I said all 3. I said "Stop" 5 times and he kept driving out into traffic to get me T-boned.

They don't want to acknowledge our right to withdraw consent once we've started. I said "no" 5 times and then "What the fuck???" and he whined "but you said..."

Your best bet is to say "Rapist". They can actually hear that word, and assholes don't want to admit they're assholes. Rapists don't want to admit they're rapists.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-11-28T22:18:19+00:00

I met one of these types recently and was literally immediately uncomfortable.

It's a hot take, and I wouldn't repeat it anywhere else, but I think most of these "player" types are just rapists. They're not the types that hang out in alleys and assault strangers, but they're almost worse, because we know most assaults are committed via the tactics they use: manipulation, coercion, whittling down women's self-esteem, ostracising her if she says no, linking their sexual gratification to any power imbalance that might work in his favour, plying her with alcohol, etc.

But doing the mental gymnastics to classify this as cOoL hArMlEsS fUn instead of the misogynistic dumpster-fire that it is helps them rationalise that it's okay, so here we are.

lolmemberberries · 2021-11-28T20:10:33+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.

There's no such thing as a former player or fuckboy. If a man alludes to past behavior like this, he has a reputation of acting this way or he is bold enough to actually say he acted like this--walk away. He doesn't see women as people.

throwawaynevermindit · 2021-11-29T15:30:28+00:00

There are no "players," only predators.

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Title	Don't date players even reformed ones (avoid, avoid, avoid)(potential TW)
Author	europoor24
Upvotes	480
Comments	35
Date	November 28, 2021 3:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r46feb/dont_date_players_even_reformed_ones_avoid_avoid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dont-date-players-even-reformed-ones-avoid-avoid.1086106 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086106